Frozen Heart
by Sage-libra
Summary: Duo makes a clean break, Heero's angry, Quatre mediates, Wufei's clueless...go figure
1. chapter 1

Frozen Heart by Sage  
  
All disclaimers apply. Don't own them. Not making any money off them.  
  
genre: angst/romance 1 x 2, 3 x 4  
  
Part 1  
  
He had never thought his eyes could get any colder. For all of five seconds Duo considered taking the words back. Considered breaking into a laugh and claim that he was just joking.  
  
But Duo had waited too long. Had forced himself from voicing his deepest feelings too many times. And after today, when once again he had almost lost the one he loved to fate and those Oz bastards, he had finally had enough.  
  
He would rather die than keep the words back a moment longer. For one Duo Maxwell, pilot of Deathscythe, the time had come to make a stand. So when they had arrived at the hangar he had bolted from his cockpit, raced over to Wing and Heero, and had blurted out the words, uncaring that the rest of his comrades were well within hearing range.  
  
"I love you." He repeated slowly, his eyes desperately searching the cobalt blue gaze for a hint of softening. A response. Anything. He could feel the flush climbing to his face, could feel the concerned gazes of his friends burning a hole through his back. He hadn't given them the chance to step away, too afraid that another second's hesitation would rob him of his resolve.  
  
Damn you, Heero.  
  
If possible, the blue eyes turned even harder.  
  
"I'm not in the mood for another one of your jokes, Maxwell." Heero told him tersely, his posture stiff with warning.  
  
Last chance to back out, Maxwell.  
  
Duo braced himself and bit the bullet.  
  
"I've never been more serious in my life."  
  
Heero's clenched fist caught his jaw squarely and he went sprawling, stunned.  
  
"Duo!" Quatre's voice rang out, the sound reverberating in the cavernous hangar.  
  
Without a backward glance, Heero strode off towards the safe house.  
  
Trowa and Wufei traded grim looks as Quatre ran to the downed pilot. They had all known about Duo's feelings for some time now. Hell, anyone with eyes could see the intensity of the self-proclaimed Shinigami's emotions where Heero Yuy was concerned. But they had also known the futility of it. Heero Yuy was the Perfect Soldier. He had no use for emotions. Even if he had wanted to, they seriously doubted he was capable of returning his partner's affections. At a nod from Trowa, the two turned and quietly slipped out of the hangar. Duo would not thank them for witnessing his rejection and pain.  
  
Be strong, Maxwell. Trowa urged silently.  
  
"Duo?" Compassion filled Quatre's voice as he crouched beside Duo's unmoving figure. The latter had yet to stir from the ground, and his unnatural stillness was starting to scare the Arabian.  
  
Duo stared blindly at the ceiling, waiting for the knife to stop twisting in his heart so he can breathe again. Unknown to him, moisture trickled out of the corners of his eyes.  
  
God, it hurts. He closed his eyes tightly, willing the pain to go away. Willing himself to die if that was what it took to stop hurting.  
  
Quatre bit his lip, his own eyes flooding as he sensed the pain behind his best friend's silence.  
  
"Duo." he whispered shakily. Allah, please help him get past this.  
  
Finally, moving with the slow, jerky movements of an old man, Duo, pulled himself up and off the ground.  
  
"Duo?" Quatre followed the other boy's movements with growing alarm as the latter headed towards his bike. "Where are you going?"  
  
"Away." Duo replied flatly as he reached for his helmet and put it on haphazardly.  
  
"Duo!" Quatre grabbed his arm, wide-eyed and frantic. "The mission-"  
  
"Fuck the mission." Duo snarled, eyes flashing dangerously. Everything inside him was screaming to run. Run before he splintered into a million irretrievable pieces.  
  
"You can't just leave us!" Quatre yelled, desperation spiking his voice. "Please, Duo!"  
  
The fear in his tone penetrated, and Duo forced himself to rein in his careening emotions. He reached out to clasp the Arabian's shoulder in gratitude. Of all the gundam pilots, here was the only one he could claim to be his friend.  
  
"I'll be alright, Quatre." He reassured the other boy in a strained, yet stable tone. Belatedly, he realized how he must look to the other. That, coupled with his history of wild impulsiveness, was no doubt giving the sensitive pilot of Sandrock nightmarish visions of death and destruction. He forced a smile. "I just need some space, okay?"  
  
Quatre clutched at his arm, aquamarine eyes searching his. "Promise me you'll keep in touch."  
  
Duo swallowed. Quatre knew. Knew without even the slightest hint that this time, he may not be coming back. That he couldn't come back. Would the boy never stop surprising him?  
  
"Swear it." Determination crept into Quatre's tone. "Or I'll tell the others you're leaving." Leaving was out of the question. The others wouldn't allow it for any reason, and they both knew it. If necessary, they would forcibly keep Duo from leaving and endangering the mission.  
  
Quatre understood the importance of the mission. But he knew in his heart that staying would destroy Duo, and forced to choose between his friend and the mission, he chose his friend. Fuck the mission, he echoed Duo's earlier statement.  
  
Duo nodded curtly, knowing that Quatre would not bend on this. "Take care of each other." He said softly.  
  
Quatre hugged him tightly. There was no telling when, if ever, they would meet again. "Take care of yourself, Duo." He said hoarsely, his throat tight with tears. Tears that ran down his cheeks unheeded.  
  
Duo dropped a quick kiss on the other boy's forehead before drawing away. "I have to go." Now, before his resolve wavered or any of the others came looking for them.  
  
Trowa found Quatre a couple of hours later, huddled at Deathscythe's foot, arms wrapped around his knees. Immediately, the sharp green eyes scanned for Duo's bike, and seeing it gone, knew Shinigami had left to lick his wounds in private. Reproach rose to his lips, but seeing the desolation in the beautiful aquamarine eyes chased them away. Quatre's eyes were swollen and red-rimmed, proof that he had been crying for hours. He sighed, folding his long frame beside his partner and gently drawing the other boy to lean against his shoulder.  
  
"I let him go." Quatre's voice trembled with tiredness, but there was no missing the defiance behind it.  
  
"I know." Trowa acknowledged calmly. "It's probably better this way. Heero and Duo were starting to get on each other's nerves too much anyway. They both need a breather." Trowa couldn't claim to understand the emotions that drove Deathscythe's pilot, but his temperament was similar enough to Heero's to venture a guess about the Perfect Soldier's feelings. He was almost sure Heero wasn't altogether immune to Duo, he just needed time to reconcile himself with the vulnerability of having feelings he could neither control nor set aside.  
  
"He's not coming back." Quatre told him forlornly. As much as he loved Trowa, no one understood him like Duo. The braided pilot was his best friend and prank partner. He was going to miss the cheerful and noisy boy terribly.  
  
Trowa disagreed, but kept his thoughts to himself. Duo was a Gundam pilot. He belonged with them, whether he liked it or not. Sooner or later, he would find his way back to them. Or, Trowa's mouth curved slightly, if Duo took too long to realize the fact, Heero would no doubt help him. For all his denial and coldness, Trowa knew that Heero would never permit his braided partner to leave him permanently. There was an unspoken agreement between him, Wufei and Heero. Wufei worked alone, Quatre belonged to him, and Duo belonged to Heero. It was that simple.  
  
"We'll see." He said finally, his arms tightening around his partner protectively. Heero was not going to take Duo's leaving lightly, but if he struck out at the sensitive Arabian in retaliation, he would answer to Trowa.  
  
-end part 1- 


	2. chapter 2

Frozen  
  
Part 2  
  
When Duo didn't show up for the rest of the day, Heero took it in stride. The braided baka was probably off somewhere sulking. It wasn't the first time he'd run off after a quarrel with Heero, but he had always come back after a few hours, his cheerful smile firmly in place. Heero had no doubt Duo would be back once his stomach started growling.  
  
When Duo failed to make an appearance at the dinner table, he ignored his partner's continued absence and finished his meal with his customary silence. He steadfastly ignored the pointed looks of his teammates, just as he ignored the growing disquiet in his gut. The baka would be back by the next morning at the latest, he told himself sternly. Going out to look for him would only encourage the braided boy to throw a similar tantrum the next time something didn't go his way. Firmly, he refrained from dwelling on the details of their fight. He hadn't hit him that hard. More likely it was his pride suffering. Heero's mouth settled into a hard line. Perhaps now the outrageous pilot would stop teasing him. His emotions were not to be trifled with.  
  
He waited all night, and with every hour that passed without the Deathscythe pilot stumbling into their room, his anger and worry mounted.  
  
When he descended to the kitchen, his features were fixed in a scowl. He glanced around the room, and after ascertaining that Duo had indeed failed to return, turned to Quatre.  
  
"Where is he?" He demanded in a hard voice.  
  
Quatre put his coffee down very deliberately. Heero had taken more than twelve hours to figure out that Duo had gone. It was all he could do not to fling the contents of his cup at the other boy's face.  
  
"He's gone." He replied instead, his tone taut with dislike.  
  
Heero was taken aback by the intensity of emotion directed at him. Quatre was the peacemaker of the group. He was the one who mediated and soothed ruffled tempers. That alone should have warned him. However, Heero's patience had all but run out. Temper frayed with feelings he couldn't understand or deal with, he responded with the only emotion he could safely take refuge in. Anger.  
  
"Explain." He growled in a dangerous tone.  
  
Normally, Quatre would have backed down in the face of his fury. But these weren't normal times. His eyes flashed.  
  
"Gone. As in he's left. As in he's not coming back. As in we've lost one of the best Gundam pilots ever because of your stupid insensitivity and senseless violence. Is that clear enough for you, Heero?" Quatre knew he was letting his grief and anxiety lead him astray, but he couldn't stop the words from spilling out. His friend's pain clawed at him; shredded at his control. "Or do you need me to spell it out- Argh!"  
  
Heero had slammed the smaller boy against the wall, his face inches from Quatre's pale, though angry visage. However, instead of aquamarine eyes, it was a pair of violet orbs that stared back at him. Violet eyes swirling with fear and pain. His stomach twisted as he struggled to process Quatre's words. Gone. Duo was gone. Duo wasn't coming back. He shook his head, instinctively denying the statement.  
  
"You let him go?" He hissed.  
  
In spite of himself, Quatre's eyes widened. Heero's tone promised violence.  
  
"ENOUGH!" Wufei's strident voice coincided with strong fingers forcibly pulling him off Quatre and pushing him roughly away. Trowa placed himself squarely between Heero and Quatre.  
  
"Back off, Yuy."  
  
Trowa's tone was cool, but there was no mistaking the threat in his green eyes. Heero realized distantly that it was the only warning he was going to get.  
  
However, Quatre was angry too. He had watched helplessly as his best friend left with a broken heart, and the instigator of the whole tragedy actually had the gall to blame him. In a rare show of defiance, he shoved past Trowa, lifting his chin in challenge.  
  
"What- you're going to hit me too?" He dared, his own eyes smoldering with grief and anger. "You're the one who drove him away, Heero." His voice shook. "You're the one who destroyed this team!"  
  
Something flashed in the blue gaze, and Heero moved closer, fists clenched.  
  
Trowa tensed. If Heero lays even one finger on Quatre-  
  
"I said that's enough!" The sound of his katana leaving its sheath froze them, three pairs of eyes focusing on Wufei as he angled his katana meaningfully. "Opposite ends, both of you. Now." The glint in his eye told them he was more than willing to back up his demand with his katana.  
  
Once he was satisfied that enough space had been cleared between the two, Wufei went on quietly.  
  
"Maxwell's desertion is a clear fact. When this mission ends we will find him. He will answer for his actions. However," His tone went cold, his eyes meeting Heero's head-on. "the mission comes first. I will not countenance any further conflict arising from this incident. Whatever accounting to be done will be done after we've completed this mission."  
  
Heero glowered, but nodded his acceptance of the directive.  
  
"Quatre?" Wufei glanced at the Arabian, his eyes softening minutely. Don't make this any harder than it already is. "We all miss Duo, but fighting among ourselves will not change matters."  
  
Finally, Quatre nodded, his gaze sliding away to gaze out the window. He knew he was acting irrationally, was acting way beyond rational behavior. He took a deep breath to center himself. A steadying hand gripped his shoulder and he leaned into the comforting touch gratefully.  
  
Heero made his way back to his room. For a long moment he stared darkly at Duo's empty bed, then resolutely, he powered on his laptop and began typing.  
  
Run and hide, Duo, he thought angrily, that's all you ever do. Run. Hide. And this time you better pray I never catch up with you. Because when I do.his throat tightened and he swallowed furiously. He blinked, brushing angrily away the treacherous moisture making its way down his cheeks.  
  
You lied, Duo. You say you never lie. But you lied to me.  
  
You said you loved me.  
  
How can you leave me?  
  
-end Part 2- 


	3. chapter 3

Frozen Heart  
  
Part 3  
  
The mission was over. The military base they had been ordered to infiltrate and destroy lay in ruins, as did the experimental mobile suits the base scientists had been working on.  
  
Heero paused near the end of his report.  
  
Pilot 02 status:  
  
It was at this point where he normally indicated the physical/mental condition of his fellow pilots, specifically, Duo's condition. His fingers hovered over the keyboard. Grimly, he entered in four letters - AWOL.  
  
It was the truth, after all. Once he sent his report, Professor G would no doubt order a search and recovery mission for the missing pilot. Duo knew too much. He was an unacceptable risk. Heero knew that the scientists would employ all necessary means to bring Duo back, dead or alive. Just as he knew that at the same time another pilot would be trained to take over Deathscythe and the rest of Duo's duties.  
  
Heero tried to picture another boy in Deathscythe's cockpit, wielding the deadly scythe and cackling madly all the while. His skin crawled. It had taken him a long time to get used to Duo's compulsive chatter on and off the battlegrounds. He couldn't go through it again. Wouldn't.  
  
Then again, he told himself firmly, it was far more likely that Duo's replacement would be far different from the noisy baka. He forced himself to visualize working with a new partner, perhaps a more rational, obedient one. After all, there was no way Professor G could come up with another deranged pilot of Duo's caliber. No, he was quite certain there was no other boy who could come close to the way Duo was, on and off Deathscythe.  
  
At least, he told himself consolingly, he and the rest of the pilots would be able to enjoy downtime. More peace and quiet all around. No more silly practical jokes. No more endless pointless chatter. No more insolent loudmouthed bragging. No more incessant annoying whining. Yeah, finally, peace and quiet.  
  
His fingers clenched.  
  
Damn you Duo. Damn you to hell.  
  
He stared at the screen. AWOL. The word seemed to leap out at him. In one vicious movement, he turned the laptop off and strode out of the room.  
  
He had had enough of Shinigami's sulking. It was time someone taught him his place. Mission accepted.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Quatre was worried. Hell, he was well past the stage of worry. He was frankly going out of his mind with anxiety. Getting in touch with Duo had proven difficult. Duo absolutely refused to risk discovery by Heero or one of the others, and that meant Quatre had to avail of the public videophones in order to communicate with the stubborn boy, rather than the laptop at the safe house. But that had meant slipping out of the safe house without the knowledge of Heero and Wufei at the very least. He suspected that Trowa knew or at least suspected, but he trusted the Heavyarms pilot to respect their need for privacy. In fact, he was almost positive Trowa covered for him during those times.  
  
He sighed, eyeing the blank vid impatiently. Duo had looked increasingly worse the last few times they'd talked. Pale, haggard, definitely thinner. And Duo had never had much extra weight to lose. However, what alarmed Quatre to the core was the increasing withdrawal in Duo's eyes and expression. He rarely, if ever, cracked a joke or smiled. Granted, his present situation was hardly conducive to merriment or laughter, but Quatre had found early on that a silent Duo was a dangerous Duo.  
  
What's happening to you, Duo? Are we losing you completely?  
  
More than once he had debated going to the others with his concerns, but he had put it off. Too much uncertainty clouded the braided boy's status among the pilots. Had Heero reported him as AWOL? Would he be putting Duo at risk by disclosing his location? Would Duo forgive him the betrayal? There were just too many questions and he was too involved emotionally to make an impartial decision.  
  
Duo, what if by keeping your secret I end up being party to your destruction?  
  
The screen finally flickered to life, and Quatre jerked to attention, his aquamarine eyes widening with surprise when instead of Duo, another boy showed up. Jet black hair, light blue eyes. A fading bruise adorned his left temple. There was something vaguely familiar about the boy. However, whatever it was was relegated to the back of his mind at the sight of the familiar gold cross around the unknown boy's neck. His jaw dropped.  
  
Duo's cross. It was, according to Duo, a memorial to the people and the past he was fighting for. In all the time Quatre had known Duo, it had never left Duo's neck.  
  
"Q?"  
  
Quatre almost choked at the tentative greeting, his heartbeat tripling. Q was the moniker Duo had saddled him with. Whoever this boy was, Duo had sent him.  
  
"Who are you?" His tone was sharp as alarm shot through him. Duo would not have sent a messenger, would not have missed their appointment if at all possible. Unless there was no earthly way for him to get there.  
  
"Max sent me." A trace of pride colored the other boy's voice.  
  
"Where is he? What happened to him?" The questions were fired rapidly. "And who are you?" He tucked in as an afterthought. Duo had not mentioned a friend. With hindsight he realized Duo mentioned little at all.  
  
The boy blinked, his confidence slipping a notch. Max had told him repeatedly how important it was for him to make this call. Would have made it himself if he hadn't been in so much pain that he almost blacked out the moment he stirred from the bed. And now, confronted with the angelic vision on the screen, he thought he understood why. The gorgeous blonde had to be Max's boyfriend. He faltered.  
  
"Er.Max had an appointment he couldn't get out off." He stumbled through the lie Max had whispered. "He didn't want you to worry and asked me to let you know."  
  
"Bullshit." Quatre's eyes flashed blue fire, "He's hurt, isn't he?" Duo had to be in incredible pain if he couldn't think up a better excuse than that.  
  
Or was it a subconscious cry for help? What have you done to yourself, Duo?  
  
The boy's betraying flush was all the answer he needed.  
  
"What happened? How badly hurt is he? Just spit it out, man!" Quatre was trying very hard not to yell. Panic was beginning to set in as he mentally computed the distance between him and his friend, trying to work out the logistics and at the same time gather as much information as he could from the wretched messenger. A glance at the wary face before him made him pause. Taking a deep breath, he strove to calm down before he scared the other away. "Look, I'm sorry. I'm just very worried. Can you tell me exactly what happened and how badly hurt he is?"  
  
Guilt flashed through the handsome features, and he averted his face. The play of light on his profile- Quatre went cold as recognition set in. The shape of the face was different, as was his build and posture. But at a certain angle, the boy before him bore a certain resemblance to Heero Yuy.  
  
Oh Duo.  
  
"He got hurt helping me." The admission was soft, the light blue eyes dropping. "He was driving by when he saw Maddock's boys ganging up on me. He stepped in before it got too bad, and he drove them off, but he got hit pretty bad on the head." He paused, then meeting the intensity in the light blue eyes, he went on reluctantly. "He also got smashed in the ribs."  
  
"Dear Allah." Quatre whispered. It was too easy to imagine. Duo never backed out of a fight or a challenge. Just as it was beyond him to overlook a group of boys beating up another helpless boy. It reminded him too much of his days on L2's streets.  
  
"I don't know how he did it, but he got us back home before he collapsed." The boy's eyes glowed with hero worship.  
  
"How long ago was this?" Quatre asked. "Have you had a doctor look at him?"  
  
"Three days ago." The boy replied quickly. "Derek wanted to take him to the hospital, but Max said no. Said it was just a concussion and a few cracked ribs. He had me buy some meds instead."  
  
Quatre closed his eyes. Duo's knowledge of medicine was limited to first aid. What if he was injured worse than he was willing to admit or acknowledge?  
  
"Derek?" He got out finally, latching on to the new name.  
  
"My brother."  
  
"And your name is-"  
  
"Jason."  
  
"Oh." Quatre marshaled his thoughts. "Listen, Jason. I do appreciate everything you've done for Max." He spared him a small smile. "But can we keep this between us? Don't let Max know you've told me everything, okay? He doesn't want me to worry and I don't want him to worry either. This'll be our little secret, alright?"  
  
Relief flooded Jason's face. Obviously, the thought of betraying his hero had weighed heavily on his mind. "Sure, no problem." Then, a sudden thought struck him and uncertainty flashed through the blue eyes. "Are you coming to take him away?"  
  
Quatre didn't answer.  
  
"'Coz you don't have to rush." Jason rushed in quickly. "Derek and I- we'll take good care of him. Hell, Derek thinks of him as his best friend already. And I'll let keep you posted if anything happens. I swear it!"  
  
Quatre stared at the desperation on the boy's face. His heart sank. It had only been a month and already Duo had formed new attachments. Had Duo replaced them already with his new friends?  
  
Slowly, he nodded. "Alright."  
  
After a few more minutes wherein Quatre ascertained that indeed, Duo's analysis of his injuries seemed on the dot, he logged off.  
  
Slumping into his chair, he massaged the bridge of his nose. What to do now?  
  
"Don't you think it's time to let the others know?" A quiet voice spoke up behind him.  
  
Quatre sprang up with a gasp. Whirling around, he saw Trowa eyeing him calmly.  
  
"You scared the daylight out of me!" Quatre exclaimed, both angry and relieved. Finally, someone who could help him decide.  
  
Trowa slipped into the empty seat beside him, eyes lingering briefly on the blank screen before focusing on his partner. He knew Quatre meant well by hiding Duo's location, but he couldn't stand by and watch him torn apart by uncertainty. If anything happened to Duo, he would never forgive himself. And neither would Heero.  
  
"It's been a month." Trowa went on evenly. "Duo's not getting any better and neither is Heero. They obviously need each other, even though they're both too much of an ass to admit it. Keeping them apart will only hurt them in the long run."  
  
"But Duo-"  
  
"-isn't thinking clearly. He's hurt and he's hiding." Trowa shrugged. "So is Yuy. I say they deserve each other."  
  
Quatre frowned. Trowa had a point, of course. But he'd promised.  
  
"Heero doesn't seem the least bit sorry for breaking Duo's heart." He muttered darkly.  
  
Trowa smirked. "Maybe he's waiting for a chance to mend it." He suggested. "A chance that I would think Duo will want him to have."  
  
Quatre stared at him, hope growing in his eyes. "You really think so?"  
  
Trowa nodded.  
  
"Hmmm." Quatre's eyes narrowed thoughtfully.  
  
Weren't you the one who said everyone deserves a second chance, Duo?  
  
-o0o-  
  
Heero's expression was hard and closed as he eyed Quatre.  
  
"So all this time Maxwell had been running around getting into stupid fights." He concluded flatly. No wonder he hadn't been able to trace the braided baka. "And now that he was stupid enough to hurt himself he comes running back to us."  
  
Quatre reddened. Duo was reckless at times and prone to get into trouble, but he had never burdened them intentionally. In fact, he had often gone out of his way to keep his injuries from affecting their missions. And Heero should know that.  
  
Trowa shot him a telling glance. Remember the plan.  
  
Quatre reined in his outrage. "On the contrary, Heero, Duo didn't want to bother any one of us." He took a deep breath and plunged in, praying that this would work. "I'm more concerned about the fact that he sent Jason."  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed. "Jason." His voice was clipped. "He revealed us to a civilian?"  
  
Quatre shook his head. "Heero," He paused delicately and hardened his heart. "We all know that however angry Duo is with any of us, he would sooner die than risk our exposure." He watched Heero intently. "Jason must have earned Duo's confidence for him to take that risk. In fact, I think the greater risk here isn't to us, but to Duo's status as a Gundam pilot." He leaned forward, his expression earnest. "Guys, I suspect Duo's not planning to come back at all. I think this time he really wants out."  
  
"How can you be sure of this? You didn't get to talk to him!" Wufei protested when Heero froze.  
  
Trowa and Quatre exchanged looks.  
  
"Jason was wearing his cross." Trowa told them solemnly.  
  
Shocked silence greeted his announcement. Everyone knew the significance of the cross to Duo. It was as sacred to him as his braid.  
  
"Duo almost got killed protecting Jason, and Jason's family has been taking care of Duo since then." Quatre shot Heero an unreadable glance. "That tells me that Duo has become attached to Jason. And since Jason is wearing Duo's cross, I think it's safe to assume that they're more than just friends." Unvoiced was the thought that this relationship, if it was truly as important to Duo as it seemed, may very well lead him to sever all ties with the Gundams.  
  
Heero stared blindly at a spot over Quatre's shoulder.  
  
Jason was wearing his cross. Duo's cross.  
  
All of a sudden, a crippling pain blossomed somewhere in the vicinity of his heart.  
  
Duo had fallen in love with someone else.  
  
Duo wasn't coming back.  
  
No more pointless chatter.  
  
No more mischievous pranks.  
  
No more flirtatious teasing.  
  
No more sparkling violet eyes.  
  
No more laughter.  
  
He shot to his feet and swiftly left the room, ignoring the calls of his teammates.  
  
Trowa glanced at Quatre and smiled slightly. "Mission accomplished, I think."  
  
Wufei eyed the two of them suspiciously. "What are you two up to?"  
  
"Nothing." Quatre smiled at him angelically. "Nothing at all."  
  
Heero found himself at the hangar, at Deathsycthe's foot, staring up at the black harbinger of death.  
  
"You're a Gundam pilot, Duo. You're a soldier. You can't just cut out and run- you have duties!" His voice rang out with intensity. "How dare you throw it all away for a boy!" Rage. Pain. Jealousy. With all his might, he slammed a hand against the unyielding surface. "Don't you understand?! You belong with us?!"  
  
His voice fell to a rough whisper.  
  
"You belong with us."  
  
-end Part 3- 


	4. chapter 4

Frozen Heart  
  
Part 4  
  
Duo was gone when they arrived at the small room he'd been renting. The place had been cleaned, all traces of the Gundam pilot and his companions erased from existence.  
  
Seeing the disappointment and worry on Quatre's countenance, Trowa squeezed his arm encouragingly. "Duo isn't stupid, Quatre, He knows you too well to think that you'd let Jason off without gleaning as much information as you could. He can't be more than a few days ahead. We'll catch up."  
  
"And when we find him I'm going to kick his ass for all the trouble he's caused." Wufei added caustically, though there was no real heat behind the threat. Even he had missed the noisy baka.  
  
"Quatre, when is your next meeting?" Heero cut in, his expression coldly forbidding.  
  
"Tonight."  
  
Heero acknowledged the reply with a curt nod.  
  
None of them realized how much they had pinned on that contact until night came and instead of a live Duo, they got a recorded message.  
  
Duo had lost weight, was Heero's first thought, frowning with displeasure at the gaunt cheeks. Scanning his partner after a battle and whenever they were separated for days had become second nature for him. Duo was an excellent pilot and a cunning fighter, as he had repeatedly proven in the past. However, he also had an infuriating knack for getting into trouble. Heero often wondered how the small pilot had ever managed to survive the mindless criminality of L2's streets. He glared at the dark glasses hiding Duo's eyes.  
  
Then Duo started speaking and his breath caught.  
  
"Hey Quat," Duo tilted his head slightly, the trademark smirk touching his lips for a quick second. "Hope the kid didn't scare you out of your wits." He raised both hands. "As you can see, I'm fine now. It was just a minor hit on top of an adrenaline-pumping, mind-blowing showdown." He grimaced slightly. "And yeah yeah, I'd been drinking a bit. Jason, innocent boy that he is, put two and two and somehow came up with a totally different equation." He flashed a grin, "Soooo, if you're on your way here - yeah, I figured you'd have wormed it out of Jason in no time flat- with the Red Cross, I'm afraid you're going to be very disappointed. Sorry about that."  
  
He paused, the cocky grin fading. "Quat, there's something I need to tell you. Don't get me wrong. You've been a great friend and. I appreciate your wanting to keep me in the loop. But Quat, seriously, I think it's time we both recognized that this isn't going to work. I've been doing a lot of thinking this past month, and I've come to a couple of conclusions. First," His mouth twisted self-mockingly. "is that in spite of everything I still care about -well, you know- and until I rid myself of this sick infatuation I won't be of any use to anyone. And secondly, he was right. We're just soldiers. We're expendable. If I died tomorrow the colonies would just shrug its shoulder and send another pilot for Deathscythe." He shrugged, his posture drooping tiredly. "And you know what? I'm fucking sick of it. All of it. I'm done, Quat."  
  
"I QUIT."  
  
Heero's world shuddered.  
  
"I used to tell myself that I didn't care. That it's enough to know that I'm doing something for the colonies." Duo sighed. "But.hell, Quatre, I almost died in that last fight, and y'know, when Derek asked if there was anyone he could call for me, I realized there was no one. Well, aside from you, that is." Duo glanced away for a moment. "It isn't enough, Quatre. Maybe it's my ego, but I don't want to go out without making a difference to anyone. I need to believe that my existence means something. And not only to the colonies. I don't want to be just another statistic. I want to make a difference, not as 02 or Deathcythe's pilot, but as a person. And if I can't find that with the team, I have to find it elsewhere." A thin hand rubbed tiredly at his temple. "Am I making sense?" He shook his head, his mouth tightening. "Don't try to find me, Quatre. I'm trying to start over, and I think," He continued after a moment's hesitation. "I think it will be best if I made a clean break." He bit his lip, . "Sorry. Maybe someday, when I've pulled my act together..take care of yourself and the others."  
  
Quatre rocked back in his seat, unable to process the fact that his best friend had just cut him out of his life. Behind him Trowa made a soft sound of comfort, placing both hands over his shoulders and squeezing lightly.  
  
"Che! Coward." Wufei muttered darkly, but he was careful to avoid their eyes.  
  
Heero said nothing. Nothing at all. His heart, the heart he had thought was made of ice and duty, had failed him. He had thought that missions were enough for it, that there wasn't space for friendship. Or love. But just when he needed it to steel him from the folly of his partner, it had failed him.  
  
It had shattered.  
  
-end Part 4- 


	5. chapter 5

Frozen Heart by Sage_Libra  
  
Part 5  
  
"He's not coming."  
  
Quatre glanced calmly at the empty road, then at the grim face of Wing's pilot. "He will." He returned with certainty. It had taken a lot of fast talking and fancy footwork to first track down Jason and then make him agree to a meeting. But once he had agreed, albeit reluctantly, Quatre was certain he would come.  
  
There was too much at stake for everyone.  
  
"How can you be so sure?" Wufei spoke up.  
  
Quatre hesitated, then avoiding Heero's eyes, replied softly. "Because he cares about Duo too."  
  
"He's here." Trowa spoke up calmly.  
  
True enough, a lone rider came around the trail and stopped a few feet away.  
  
Heero tensed, his eyes narrowing at the boy Quatre believes had a claim on his partner. His partner. Immediately, his eyes went to Jason's neck, noting with satisfaction that he was no longer wearing Duo's cross.  
  
Jason's eyes rove over the four, finally settling on Quatre.  
  
Quatre stepped forward, smiling with as much warmth as his anxiety would allow. He's not the enemy, he reminded himself sternly. "Jason, thanks for coming." He greeted the other boy with an outstretched hand.  
  
Jason hesitated, then got off his bike to meet Quatre half-way. The two boys shook hands a little awkwardly.  
  
"I can't stay out long." Jason said softly. "I told Max I was just going to the store to get something." It was evident from his expression that he didn't like lying to Duo.  
  
"How is he?" Quatre asked, neatly sidestepping the issue.  
  
"Much better." Jason replied after a moment. "He still gets these headaches, but Derek says that's to be expected after the banging he got." Guilt crept into his voice. He still felt responsible for Duo's near brush with death.  
  
"We were hoping to talk to him at your last stop, but you were gone when we got there." Quatre broached with care.  
  
"Yeah, well," Jason's gaze dropped. "Max got a bit restless."  
  
Quatre nodded. "I understand. He's always been a whirlwind." He grinned, remembering Duo's non-stop chatter. "I bet he's got your ears ringing from all that talking, huh?"  
  
Jason smooth brow knotted. "Actually," he said slowly, "Max doesn't talk much. He's very quiet most of the time."  
  
A quiet Duo. It was almost incomprehensible, Wufei mused. It was also extremely disturbing.  
  
"You're certain he's not in pain?" Heero's voice was like a shot in the silence that followed Jason's announcement.  
  
Jason bristled in spite of himself. There was rebuke in that tone. That tone that said I-know-him-better-than-you-do-and-ever-will. "Max hasn't said anything, and he wouldn't lie about something like that."  
  
Quatre stepped in hurriedly. He could feel the tension emanating from Heero. It wouldn't take much for the other boy to snap. "No, he wouldn't," he agreed smoothly, "unless he didn't want to trouble you further. Max has a thing about being independent and strong. He doesn't like being dependent on anyone."  
  
Something flashed through Jason's features. "I know." He acknowledged after a moment, his features darkening with remembrance. "It got pretty bad at one point. He couldn't keep anything down. We knew he hurt, but he never complained. Not once." His voice shook slightly. "I asked him about that later." He went on in a low tone. "He didn't say anything for a long time, then he told me he had learned the hard way that nobody liked whiners." He shook his head, his expression confused and reproachful as he looked at Quatre. "Was that why you drove him away?"  
  
Quatre opened his mouth to refute the accusation, then closed it. What could he say in their defense? It was true that the others had always complained about Duo's whining and nagging.  
  
Seeing the guilt on their faces, Jason continued softly. "Is that why he won't go back to you?"  
  
Quatre's eyes widened. "Is that what he told you?" He choked out. "That he's not coming back?"  
  
Jason nodded. "He said once that he wouldn't go where he isn't wanted or needed." Max had been delirious at that time, but Jason would never forget the sorrow and pain in his friend's eyes.  
  
"Baka. He's one of us." Heero's tone was hard. "He belongs with us."  
  
Jason eyed him with dislike. "Max belongs to himself." He countered angrily. "And he's perfectly happy where he is."  
  
Heero's fists clenched.  
  
Jason turned back to Quatre. "Look, you shouldn't have come. Like I told you before, we can take care of Max. I don't care if his eyes don't get better -" He stopped, paling when he realized what he'd said.  
  
Heero growled deep in his throat.  
  
"His eyes." Quatre caught his arm urgently. "What about his eyes?"  
  
Jason stared at the hand on his arm. He had the feeling that he was standing at the edge of a precipice. That he was at the point of losing what previously he had held in his hand. He shouldn't have come, he realized dully. He should have let Derek take them far away. They had had the money. The means. These boys, ghosts from Max's past, they wouldn't have been able to find them.  
  
No, he shouldn't have come. Because now, now there would be no escaping them.  
  
He thought of lying. Of buying time until they could make their escape. Until he could take Max far away from the people who had brought the pain into his eyes. But when he looked up at the cobalt blue eyes he saw torment the likes of which he had never seen before.  
  
And he couldn't do it. He closed his eyes, selfish desire warring with his sense of honor.  
  
Finally, he heaved a great sigh.  
  
"He's blind, Q." He looked out blindly. "Max is blind."  
  
-o0o-  
  
Blind. Duo was blind.  
  
Heero shut his eyes tightly, fighting to keep from caving in to the wave of pain scorching through him. He wanted to scream. To cry. To hit out.  
  
Duo was blind.  
  
What have I done? Duo didn't like the dark. Oh, he used it to his advantage, especially during missions, but he didn't like it. How many times had he woken up in the night, panting, shivering from a nightmare? Duo had told him once that in his dreams it was always dark. Oppressive, suffocating. And now, to be trapped forever in the dark.Heero shuddered. How was Duo supposed to bear it? His fingers clenched, knuckles turning white. I did this to you, didn't I? I pushed you away. Hurt you. Forced you to take off.  
  
You wouldn't have gotten hurt if I had had the courage to tell you the truth.  
  
A single tear slipped down his cheek, unheeded.  
  
I didn't want to hurt you, Duo. I swear it. I didn't mean to hurt you.  
  
I just didn't know how to love you. I was afraid.  
  
I was angry, but not with you. Never with you.  
  
I was angry with me.  
  
I was the Perfect Soldier. The perfect killing machine. I could hack into any computer in the world. I could outfight, outlast, outthink any soldier.  
  
But I didn't know how to let myself love you.  
  
No one had taught me.  
  
A soft sob tore out of his lips.  
  
"Duo." His anger, the shield he had used to protect his feelings, fell away, leaving him bereft. Exposed.  
  
I need you, Duo.  
  
I need you to teach me how to love you.  
  
end Part 5 


	6. chapter 6

Frozen Heart 6  
  
by Sage_libra  
  
Day was dawning. Duo knew this because the reassuring warmth of the sun gradually enveloped him and chased away the lingering cold of the night. Too bad, he acknowledged grimly, that not even the sun could thaw out the ice wrapped around his heart.  
  
He leant forward in his chair, hungry for more of the sun's warmth. It had become a habit for him to sit out on the balcony of his penthouse suite at the break of dawn and wait for the sunrise.  
  
Mrs. Hill, the housekeeper, thought the sunrise gave him hope for eventual recovery.  
  
Jason worried silently that at any moment he would give in to depression and throw himself off the 100-storey building.  
  
His mouth twisted. They were both wrong, of course. He had lost the right to determine his death a long time ago, when a thoughtless act had brought about the deaths of the only family he had known.  
  
And even if he had the right- a small, bitter smile touched his mouth- hope and depression were feelings. And with the loss of his eyes, he had also, apparently, lost those too.  
  
Only Derek, surprisingly enough, had understood. Duo had not had the opportunity to meet Jason's brother face-to-face. Seriously injured after the fight with Jason's attackers, sheer pig-headedness had kept him on the bike long enough to get them to safety, after which he had collapsed. Coming to days later, his sight had left him. Therefore, Derek was just a voice to him. A presence. Duo hated to admit it, but as much as he needed and appreciated Jason's enthusiastic care and unquestioning companionship, it was Derek's easy acceptance and quiet support that had kept him from totally sliding into the darkness that had begun to claim his soul shortly after claiming his vision.  
  
~Flashback~  
  
He was sitting out on the balcony, his eyes staring straight ahead, when he felt the quiet presence behind his chair.  
  
"Derek."  
  
"Good morning. May I join you?" The deep voice had just the right amount of warmth to be friendly without being imposing.  
  
"It's your place." Duo reminded him, his tone indicating no preference either way. When he had suggested moving out, after all, he had enough money to live comfortably for the rest of his life, Derek had rejected the idea outright. As a result, he had been given a permanent room in the penthouse suite the brothers owned. His mouth curled slightly. "I suppose Jason sent you to keep me from throwing myself over the railing?"  
  
"His imagination is driving him stark raving mad." Amusement colored the older man's voice. "I agreed if only to get him off my back." The sound of a chair being brought a small distance, followed by Derek making himself comfortable beside him. "I told him he was being an ass. You're not the type to do yourself in."  
  
In spite of himself, Duo found his head turning to 'look' at his companion. "I'm not?"  
  
"Nope." Derek scoffed lightly. "You don't honestly think I'd have let you stay in a penthouse suite if I had even suspected you of suicidal tendencies? In my experience, it's the silently depressed that's liable to kill themselves. You're more quiet than I think is natural for you, but nowhere near depressed."  
  
"I'm not?" Duo repeated, his tone losing its bite for the first time in a long while.  
  
"Max, depressed people do not force themselves to get up at the break of dawn in order to glower at the sun. They don't argue energetically with the people trying to help them" Duo had the grace to be embarrassed, recalling how he had often snapped at Jason and Mrs. Hills, "and they certainly don't tune in to the radio to find out how the war is going." He flinched inwardly at that. It had been among the first things he had asked for. He detested the weakness, but he needed to know how the others were, and since he had cut off all communications with Quatre, the news had become his only source of information about the terrorists.  
  
"I don't know what you're feeling, Max, and I'm not stupid enough to pretend that I can begin to understand how you can cope with your situation, but right here and right now, I don't believe you're quite ready to say your goodbyes just yet."  
  
A small silence followed.  
  
"So why do you think I hang out on the balcony?" Duo finally asked, curious to know just how much the other man really understood.  
  
"Frankly? You're a survivor, Max. Despite your age and the crap you've been through, you're not about to give up. In fact, I seriously doubt there's much that can keep you down for long." Respect colored the quiet voice. Duo looked away, biting his lip, recalling the squalor and hopelessness on L2. Yeah, he'd survived that too, hadn't he?  
  
"But emotionally? You're a mess, Max. Lost." Derek paused, noting the shudder that went on through the thin figure. He went on gently. "Angry at that person who had hurt you so badly that you had to run away and leave behind everything familiar and yours, afraid that with the loss of your eyesight you've become helpless and even more alone. Your life is in pieces around you, and you don't know where to start putting it back together again."  
  
"I think you come out here every morning because you're looking for something. Something inside you that will give you the will to go on when the rest of you wants to give up. I don't believe you seriously want to die, but I think you don't really want to move on either."  
  
"You just don't care either way."  
  
"Damn." Duo was shaken. He was close. So close to the truth it stirred something in him. "Remind me never to play poker with you."  
  
A small laugh and a brief squeeze on his shoulder.  
  
"I take it Jason hasn't told you much about me. I'm a shrink, Max, a damned good one, if I may say so myself. Unearthing people's motivations is what I do." The sound of the chair moving back as he stood. "If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me." Humor creeped back into the rich baritone. "In the meantime, I'd consider it a favor if you'd put Jason's mind at ease. His heart's in the right place, but the kid tends to jump to all sorts of conclusions."  
  
"I will." Duo agreed after a moment. "Thanks man- for everything." And he meant it. He knew he'd been a pain in the ass. Alone, angry, afraid and unable to lash out at anyone or anything, he had alternated between silent brooding and sharp sarcasm. But now, he felt lighter, as though Derek's understanding had somehow eased the tightness in his chest.  
  
"Anytime, Max." Perhaps, had he been able to see, he would have seen the fleeting tenderness in the older man's eyes as he looked down at the blind boy. "Anytime."  
  
~end Flashback~  
  
It was after that conversation that Duo emerged from the angry place he had hidden in. He took stock of his options with a hard eye and planned his future.  
  
The doctors had assured him that there was a still a chance that his vision could come back. His optic nerves hadn't been irreparably damaged, after all. Who knows, they had chorused with false cheer, one day he might wake up and be able to see.  
  
In a way, that elusive hope had crueler than if he had gone permanently blind. The waiting, the unending cycle of hope and disappointment had worn him down until there were days he had wanted to scream from the futility of it all.  
  
Duo wasn't a patient man, and he knew that. Uncertainty was his worst enemy, and to overcome it, he stopped going to the doctors. He chose to assume that his blindness was there to stay and proceeded to act based on that presumption.  
  
Drawing on a secret stash of funds that his former teammates wouldn't be able to trace, he began constructing his new identity. Max Wallis was Jason's visiting blind cousin from the colonies. He also bought a smaller unit a level down from Jason and Derek. It was being fixed up for him and should be ready in another week. Jason had protested strenuously, insisting that it was unnecessary and pointing out that in his condition it was also potentially dangerous. But Duo was determined to be fully independent. He was not going to leech off Jason and Derek forever.  
  
He spent his days mapping his surroundings. Counting steps, forming blueprints in his mind. It kept him busy. Kept his mind occupied. Kept him exhausted so that at night he dropped off to sleep the moment his head touched the pillow.  
  
It was only during the mornings, when all was quiet, that he allowed himself to remember.  
  
Derek was right. He was a survivor. No matter how painful or hard, he would survive. Not for himself, but for the people who had died for him. For Father Maxwell and Sister Helen and all the other orphans. They had died so that he could live. He owed them to make the best of his life, as pitiful as it was.  
  
He closed his eyes briefly as he came to a decision. Reaching out, he turned the radio off.  
  
Duo Maxwell was dead. It was time to put him to rest.  
  
-end Part 6- 


	7. chapter 7

Frozen Heart 7  
  
He had done it. He had really gone and done it.  
  
Duo drained his glass in one go. The alcohol burned down his throat, but that was just fine. It gave him an excuse for the tears in his eyes. Besides, that fleeting pain was nothing compared to the twisting sense of loss in his heart.  
  
His head felt funny. Too light. Exposed. He shivered, his hand lifting, reaching instinctively for his braid, only to clench around empty air. He swallowed convulsively.  
  
He had had his hair cut.  
  
His mouth twisted.  
  
"Max?" Worry laced the young voice, and belatedly, Duo remembered the boy whom he had persuaded to accompany him to the barber. Jason had been appalled and extremely vocal in his protests, but Duo had been adamant.  
  
"It's my hair, Jason." He had pointed out flatly in a tone that had warned the other boy to hold his tongue.  
  
"I know." Jason had sounded so bewildered. "But you love that braid."  
  
Duo had paused at the truth in that statement; had bowed his head in acknowledgement.  
  
"It wouldn't be the first thing I loved and lost."  
  
The sorrow in the soft voice had shut Jason up.  
  
"Max?"  
  
Duo put the shot glass down gently, then reached out unerringly for the bottle itself.  
  
"Max!" Jason's alarm climbed a couple of notches.  
  
He wished absently that he could bring himself to care.  
  
Perhaps, he mused, it really was a bad idea to insist on toasting his new image so soon after having a huge chunk of his soul exorcised out of his life. But the thought of going home to the silence of his bedroom had been beyond bearable. So he had badgered Jason into coming here instead. The bar, he had discovered in previous forays, served good scotch and the bartender had better things to do than worry about serving alcohol to underage kids. Besides, the blaring rock music distracted from the accusations spinning in his head and the undiluted scotch distracted from the pain in his heart.  
  
He lifted the bottle to his lips.  
  
Only to have it halted in mid-air by his companion's hand.  
  
"Max, I really don't think this is a good idea." Jason held on to the bottle, just stopping short of wresting it away. It was what he should do, he knew, but he didn't quite dare. He had never seen Max so bleakly withdrawn, so singularly determined to get smashed, and it unnerved him.  
  
Duo's fingers tightened around the neck of the bottle.  
  
"Let go, Jason." He advised in a low, dangerous tone and tugged. He wasn't surprised when Jason obeyed almost immediately. Very few people could stand up to his Shinigami persona when unleashed. The God of Death. He shook his head and drank deeply from the bottle.  
  
Shinigami was gone. Just as Duo Maxwell was gone. Everything that he had been, gone. Again.  
  
He had been someone once. A street rat running with Solo's gang. They had been his first family. He'd lost them to street violence and the plague. He had survived that. Had rebuilt himself with Father Maxwell, Sister Helen and the orphanage. Then the war took them away. That loss had triggered Shinigami's birth. The God of Death, filled with rage and the thirst for vengeance, had helped pull him through the worst of the pain.  
  
He had hoped, when the Gundam pilots had come together as a team, that he had found a family that would stay. Unrealistic, considering their mission and the war, but Duo hadn't been able to help himself.  
  
Every man needed a dream to pursue in life, and Duo's dream had always been to have a family. People he cared about and who cared about him.  
  
That was the reason why he had struggled long and hard against telling Heero how he felt. He had known, oh how he had known, that the stoic Wing pilot would not welcome it. For a time he had convinced himself that being around the other pilot was enough. That he can make it be enough. Because the alternative -  
  
Well, he was living the alternative, wasn't he?  
  
Serves you right. Anyone with eyes knows Heero Yuy lives only for the mission. He has a laptop for a heart and machine oil for blood. You should have known better.  
  
His mouth twisted bitterly.  
  
You should have frozen up your heart from the day one.  
  
"I want to help." Jason said softly, his voice echoing his need to ease the pain that he could sense from his friend.  
  
Duo lowered the bottle, focusing his unseeing eyes on the other boy.  
  
"Let me help." Hope flickered inside Jason when it seemed that he had finally gained Max's attention.  
  
For a moment, Duo was tempted to explain. God, he wanted to. But where to start? What to say? How much to reveal? How do you explain the shattering pain of loving and losing thrice over to someone who had never known what it was like to lose anyone? How do you begin to make someone who had never experienced the desperate struggle for survival in an uncaring environment understand the gut-wrenching need to cut your losses, no matter how painful, in order to be able to move on?  
  
"Life is a bitch, Jason." He said finally, lifting the bottle to his lips again. "I hope to God, for your sake, that you never lose her favor."  
  
Jason stared at him helplessly, stunned by the bitterness of his words, scorched by the depth of his pain.  
  
Why won't you let me in, Max? Why?  
  
-o0o-  
  
"Dear Allah." Quatre clutched at his chest, staring in blatant disbelief at Duo's shorn hair.  
  
He had cut his braid.  
  
Quatre turned to his companion, his eyes wild.  
  
Heero rocked back on his heels, unable to assimilate what his eyes were telling him. They were on the other side of the room, maybe- a trick of the light? But no, no, there was no mistaking that figure. He would know Duo anywhere. He had spent too many days and nights staring at Deathscythe's pilot. He knew every line on the other's face, every gesture, every quirk, every touch.  
  
Loss knifed through him, gutting him from within.  
  
How could you do it? How? You loved that braid.  
  
I loved that braid.  
  
-o0o-  
  
"He's not worth it."  
  
Duo started at the venom in Jason's voice.  
  
"He's not worth it." The younger boy repeated. "You're a great person, and if he can't see that, then he deserves to lose you." He reached out to touch Duo's arm. "Please. Stop punishing yourself for his stupidity."  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed, a snarl forming in his throat. He had no right to touch Duo!  
  
Quatre grabbed his shoulder before he could leave his seat. "Heero!" He hissed. "This is not the time to get territorial!" The glare that Heero threw him made him wince inwardly, but he hung on with grim determination. "Getting into a fight is not going to get Duo back."  
  
Heero processed his meaning, the nodded sharply and sat down again. But his eyes burned with possessive anger. Quatre bit his lip. He had to do something before Jason made another move that brings down the wrath of the Perfect Soldier down his unknowing head.  
  
He's not worth it.  
  
Jason's words reverberated in Duo's ears. Not worth it. In his mind's eye, images flashed of all the times Heero had brushed him off. The other boy had never made secret the fact that he tolerated Duo's presence only for the sake of Deathscythe. Heero didn't care about him as a person. All he had ever seen was pilot 02.  
  
In a tiny corner of his heart, a voice cried out in denial of the damning conclusion. A voice that wanted to remind him of the times Heero had pulled him through despite the danger to himself and the mission. But Duo shut it out harshly.  
  
"You're right." He took a deep breath, exhaling heavily and letting some of the tension leave his body. "He's not worth it." He smiled slightly, forced, but with enough light to bring an answering grin on Jason's face.  
  
Delighted beyond words, Jason threw restraint to the winds and hugged the other boy.  
  
"Dear Allah!" Quatre groaned as Heero's features twisted in a scowl. Making up his mind, he stood. "I'll distract him, you talk to Duo." He moved out before the other could respond. Jason didn't know it, but Quatre had just saved his life.  
  
end Part 7 


	8. chapter 8

Frozen Heart 8  
  
Quatre crossed the room swiftly, stopping only a few feet away, directly in Jason's line of sight, and waited. He felt a small burst of satisfaction at the guilty widening of the blue eyes the moment their eyes met. It was mean, because he knew Jason meant none of them any harm, but he couldn't help but feel a fraction of the jealousy Heero was experiencing.  
  
Duo was part of his family too, and Jason was doing his level best to take him away. Quatre knew that as a fact, though he would never tell Heero for fear of what the latter would do. Quatre sincerely doubted there was anything on the face of the earth that could stop the Perfect Soldier from tearing Jason apart once he realized just how badly the younger boy wanted Duo.  
  
Allowing his aquamarine eyes to harden, he jerked his head towards the exit. Jason hesitated, then nodded his understanding.  
  
"Ah, Max, there's someone I need to talk to." Jason fumbled, flushing.  
  
**Your ex-boyfriend caught me making a pass at you and is probably wanting to pound me to a pulp.**  
  
Duo nodded.  
  
"Sure." He settled back on the stool Jason's enthusiastic hug had dragged him off from. "Go. Have fun. I think I'll stay for another drink or two before hauling my ass back home."  
  
His attempt at lightheartedness sounded flat even to his own ears.  
  
"Oh no, don't you go anywhere without me. This will only take a minute." Jason retorted. "Besides, Derek will have my hide if I let you wander back on your own."  
  
I'm not an invalid. The words sprang easily to Duo's lips, but he bit them back. Jason didn't deserve that. So he nodded instead.  
  
Heero watched with narrowed eyes as Jason stepped away. He was still struggling against the sudden fury that had blanketed his mind at the sight of the other boy embracing Duo. Suddenly he was glad that Quatre had insisted on partnering him tonight. Alone, confronted with that scene, he might not have been able to control himself.  
  
**Were you expecting this, Quatre? Was this why you wouldn't let me go alone?**  
  
Cobalt blue eyes fixed intently at the lone figure against the bar and he squared his shoulders as he determinedly made his way past the crowd.  
  
He stopped exactly one foot away.  
  
Duo's skin prickled. He shivered. Slowly, he straightened away from the bar, his head cocking in an attempt to get a fix on that presence he felt.  
  
"Duo."  
  
He froze, his heart skipping a beat.  
  
**Oh God.**  
  
Duo's heart started beating triple time. He turned a little too quickly, almost losing his balance.  
  
A hand shot out to steady him, but as though sensing the movement, Duo recoiled, his eyes moving frantically, trying to pin down the owner of that voice.  
  
The vulnerability that flashed across his mobile features twisted Heero's heart.  
  
**Don't be afraid of me, Duo. Please. I can take your anger, but not your fear.**  
  
He stepped closer.  
  
"Duo." He repeated in a low voice.  
  
The overwhelmingly familiar nasal tone washed over his senses like liquid honey, and Duo shuddered violently.  
  
**OH GOD!**  
  
-o0o-  
  
"Look, Q-"  
  
Quatre held up a hand to forestall Jason. He knew that the other boy thought he had a relationship with Duo, and though it puzzled him how Jason had arrived at this conclusion he allowed the misunderstanding. He didn't have the energy or the time to explain the truth. He spared a quick glance inside the club. Damn, he needed to be inside before Heero put his foot in his mouth again and totally alienated Duo.  
  
"I don't want to hear it." He cut in shortly. "I know what you're trying to do. I understand why you're doing it. But it's not going to happen, Jason."  
  
"I don't know what you're talking about." Jason snapped back defensively, stung.  
  
Quatre's mouth thinned with impatience. "You're infatuated with D -Max, and you're using his vulnerability right now to tie him to you." He spelled out crisply. "It's not going to work, Jason."  
  
"I'm not doing anything to Max." Jason denied heatedly. "He's adjusting to a difficult situation and I'm trying to help him."  
  
"You don't have a crush on him?" Quatre shot back.  
  
Jason reddened. "So what?" He countered. "Max is a free agent. Whatever you had is over and he has every right to choose someone new."  
  
Quatre shook his head. "You can't have him, Jason." He felt a flash of sympathy for the other boy. It really wasn't his fault that Duo was such an attractive person. Hell, if it weren't for Trowa he would have a difficult time not falling for Duo too. He just had that effect on the people around him.  
  
Even the Perfect Soldier had succumbed, after all.  
  
Jason raked a hand through his hair. "Why not?!" He fairly yelled.  
  
"Because we have first claim on him, and we're not giving him up." Quatre told him bluntly. "No matter what."  
  
Jason blinked at the vehemence in his voice. There was nothing soft about Quatre at that moment. The aquamarine eyes flashed with hard steel, his usual mild tone heavy with purpose.  
  
"Max-"  
  
"-is angry with us right now." Quatre intercepted firmly. "But that will pass and sooner or later Max will want to come back to us." His tone softened. "We're a family, Jason. We're his family. Nothing can change that."  
  
"I'm not trying to take your place." Jason protested, shaken by the strength of the other boy's conviction. "I just want to be his friend."  
  
Touched by remorse at the hurt that had crept into his tone, Quatre reached out to pat his shoulder.  
  
"I know you mean well, Jason. I do." Quatre said. "I also know you would never knowingly hurt Max." He chose his words carefully. "I just want you to understand that no one can take away what is yours, just as you can't have what was never meant for you."  
  
"Like Max?" Bitterness crept into Jason's voice.  
  
"Like Max." Quatre agreed somberly. He regretted having to hurt the younger boy, but sometimes you really had to be cruel to be kind.  
  
end Part 8 


	9. chapter 9

Frozen Heart 9  
  
"I wondered how long I had before you showed up."  
  
Duo was proud at the steadiness of his voice, considering how fast his heart was beating.  
  
**Keep your cool, Duo. You can do this.**  
  
But it was so hard. He had barely recovered from the gut-wrenching pain of losing his braid. He had loved that braid. Cutting it off was almost like cutting off a part of his life. Why, when he had finally summoned the strength to let go, did he have to be confronted with the one person because of whom he had turned his back on the past?  
  
He didn't think to question how Heero had found him. This was Heero Yuy. Perfect Soldier. It had only ever been a matter of time. What he hadn't expected was the suddenness of the encounter. Nor the mindless yearning that had seared through him. Suddenly, all his senses had sprung alive. His entire body hummed with energy, and he could feel the adrenaline rushing through his veins. It was as though he was firing up. Coming alive.  
  
**You're pathetic, Duo. Pathetic!**  
  
Not that his unmitigated disgust did anything to lessen the intensity of his response to Heero's presence. It had always been that way for him where the other boy was concerned. However, whereas before he had allowed his overwhelming attraction for Heero bludgeon his pride, this time he was determined to hang on to his senses. Grimly, he gathered his anger around him like a shield.  
  
**He was most likely going to die, but damned if he was going to show Yuy any more weakness to scorn.**  
  
His violet eyes hardened.  
  
When Heero didn't respond, he placed the bottle he'd been holding gently down on the countertop and slid off the stool.  
  
"So," He said with brittle vivacity. "do we finish this outside? I don't think the bartender will be very pleased to have to rub my blood off his counter."  
  
Heero felt as though he'd been sucker punched. Duo believed he'd come to kill him. The pain that had started in his heart the day Duo left twisted a bit more. After everything they had been through together, Duo really believed that he was cold-blooded enough to want him dead.  
  
**We were comrades, Duo. Partners. Doesn't that count for anything at all?" Hurt streaked through him, catching him unawares. **How could you think so little of me?**  
  
"Don't be stupid!" Pain put a cutting edge in his tone.  
  
Duo allowed a mirthless smirk to stretch his lips.  
  
"Sorry, can't help myself." He said carelessly. "Stupid to the bitter end, that's me."  
  
Heero's fingers clenched. Had he imagined the vulnerability just a handful of seconds ago? The Duo before him was all irreverent bravado. Fire danced in the violet eyes, but it was fire sheathed in ice. Fire that burned. Ice that cut.  
  
His Duo was laughter and mischief. That was the Duo he had always dealt with, the Duo he understood on a personal level. He knew how to respond to that Duo. He knew how far to push, how much to give.  
  
This wasn't his Duo. This was Shinigami, the Gundam pilot that Oz feared and hated. This was the face that he understood as a weapon directed at the enemy. He had never had this face directed at him.  
  
He knew how to deal with Duo Maxwell. He didn't know how to deal with Shinigami outside the battlefield.  
  
Uncertain, Heero fell back on his customary silence.  
  
Silence that wore on Duo like steel claws. He used to be adept at discerning Heero's moods from a twitch of the other's eyebrows. But without the use of his eyes, he felt lost and totally unable to navigate the turbulent depths that communicating with Heero was like.  
  
He shrugged. "Well, if my death isn't on the cards tonight, I'd like to finish this bottle before Jason gets back." He kept his tone light, but the dismissal in it was real. "See ya around, Yuy." He almost winced at his own frivolity.  
  
**What the fuck are you doing? Why areyou goading him? Shit, Maxwell, do you really want to die that badly?**  
  
Anger, red-hot and unexpected, swept through Heero, and before he knew it he had grabbed Duo's shoulders and pinned him against the counter.  
  
Duo almost cried out at the sudden move, but he didn't try to evade Heero. He knew from experience that it would be futile. Instead he lifted his chin and 'met' the other's stare squarely.  
  
"Finish it now or get off my case. Make up your mind, Yuy. I haven't got all night." Fighting words. In a way, they were all Duo had left, and he clung to them with the determination of a dying man grasping at straws. He was not going to let Yuy see the pain lying so close behind the defiance.  
  
"You would throw it all away-the mission, your team mates, your Gundam- because I lost my temper and hit you." Heero's fingers tightened around the cloth he held. "You're a soldier, Maxwell. You have no right to let your personal problems get in the way of your duty." His tone was heavy with censure. Only his eyes showed the hurt Duo's absence had wrought.  
  
But Duo couldn't see that. He heard only Heero's disapproval and disgust.  
  
Duty.  
  
**Damn you Heero. I laid my heart out to you, and you talk to me about duty? Duty?**  
  
"Y'know what, Yuy?" He hissed. "You're right. Soldiers have no right to feelings." In a lightning move, he knocked away Heero's hands and shoved the other boy away. "That's why I've quit."  
  
**NO!**  
  
Heero reached out to grab Duo's arm. He was not, could not accept this.  
  
But Duo had had enough. More than enough. His temper snapped and he swung.  
  
Heero ducked the attack easily and countered, his arm hooking around Duo's arm in an attempt to pin the smaller boy. He tempered his strength, painfully aware of Duo's limitations.  
  
Duo tried to twist away, and he would have succeeded, had his eyes been at his command. However, his blindness caused him to miscalculate and he overbalanced, his momentum sending him crashing heavily against a group of people passing nearby. They went down in a tangle of arms and legs.  
  
"Duo!" Heero's cry was swallowed by the horrified shouts that rose up around them.  
  
Duo swore viciously as he attempted to extricate himself.  
  
One of the people he had unwittingly knocked over, angered, yelled.  
  
"What the hell were you doing? Haven't you got eyes on your head, asshole?!"  
  
He didn't get the chance to hear Duo's response, since Heero's fist had found its way squarely to his jaw. That one punch led to a melee as other patrons cheerfully joined the fray. Bar fights were always a good way to spice up the evening.  
  
**Wonderful, Duo. Now you've gone and brought the house down. Literally.** He set about crawling out from under the flailing fists without being tripped on or kicked.  
  
"Max!" Suddenly a pair of hands grabbed his shoulders and literally dragged him to safety. "God, I'm going to kill Jason!"  
  
"Derek?" Duo asked, bemused, his nose confirming the older man's scent.  
  
"You're bleeding." A gentle hand touched the dull ache on the corner of his mouth where he had caught a fist in the confusion. "Damn." A sigh of exasperation. "Let's get out of here."  
  
Duo almost protested. He could still hear the sound of fighting and he knew Heero was likely still swinging. He wanted to stay, just to make sure that the Japanese pilot was okay. But, his shoulders slumped slightly, the gesture would be meaningless. Heero was more than capable of handling over- enthusiastic drunks. And without his eyes, he was more a liability anyway.  
  
"Let's." He agreed softly.  
  
Quatre's eyes widened when the sounds of fighting drifted outside. Surely.?  
  
"Max!" Jason's horrified exclamation was barely out before the two were rushing back inside. "Oh God!" He groaned at the sight of the fighting going on.  
  
"Allah!" Quatre caught sight of Heero in the middle of the fray and waded in. He had to stop him before the Japanese really got started. "Find Max!" He hollered at Jason.  
  
Jason was already scouring the area, his breathing easing only once he had zeroed in on Derek and Duo well outside the battle area. Quickly, he made his way to them, trying to ignore the blistering glare his brother had leveled on him.  
  
"Max, are you alright?" He asked worriedly, taking in the slightly glazed look in Duo's eye.  
  
"We were just leaving." Derek told him in chilly tones that warned him they were going to have a serious talk sooner than later.  
  
Jason spared a quick glance at Quatre. The blond was busy staving off a meaty aggressor. He nodded. Together, the brothers helped Duo maneuver past both fallen men and furniture.  
  
Finally, safely ensconced in Derek's car, Jason ventured a question. "How the hell did that start?"  
  
Duo shook his head. "Don't ask." He said dully, inexplicable tired. "And Derek, it wasn't Jason's fault. Honest."  
  
Derek threw him a searching look. "Are you sure you're alright?" He queried. "Maybe we should stop at the ER and have you checked out."  
  
"I'm fine." Duo insisted testily. "Look, I'm just tired, okay? Let's go home."  
  
Derek nodded. "Fine." He grinned suddenly. "By the way, I like your new look."  
  
Duo touched his shorn locks tentatively. "Yeah." But his tone was sad.  
  
"They've gone." Quatre said softly as he and Heero stepped out of the thoroughly trashed club. It had been a good work-out, he admitted to himself.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"What did Duo say?" Quatre prodded gently.  
  
**He doesn't want me anymore.** Heero closed his eyes briefly. When he opened them again, they shone with the hard glint of determination.  
  
"Irrelevant." He bit off. "We go to Plan B."  
  
**Which means you botched it.** Quatre sighed. "Let's go tell the others."  
  
-end Part 9 


	10. chapter 10

Frozen Heart 10  
  
"Ouch." Tentatively.  
  
"."  
  
"Ouch!" A little more forcefully.  
  
"Quiet." The tone was unusually stern.  
  
"-hurts." Plaintively.  
  
Trowa drew back slightly to take in the pathetic expression on his lover's face. His own features hardened. Needless to say, Heero had walked away from the fight with nary a bruise. Quatre, on the other hand, had a spectacular black eye, a swollen cut lip, and yet another ugly bruise sitting on his cheekbone. Those were besides the numerous bruises marring his torso.  
  
"You deserve it." He said severely. "I could have sworn I taught you how to duck. Why didn't you?"  
  
Quatre grimaced, wincing as the movement stretched sore facial muscles.  
  
"I had to make sure Heero didn't end up doing permanent damage." And he would have, he almost added, recalling the black rage in Heero's eyes.  
  
Trowa stared at him, appalled.  
  
"You thought you could stop him?"  
  
The incredulity in his voice drew a grin from the Arabian pilot.  
  
"Me? Heck, no, of course not." Quatre touched his cheekbone tenderly. "I figured the more of them I could keep down, the less amount of damage Heero could inflict."  
  
It made sense, Trowa had to admit albeit grudgingly. If you can't stop the machine, then lessen the target area. He glanced again at his partner's face and sighed.  
  
"Noble to the core." He tapped the end of Quatre's nose tellingly, torn between exasperation and affection. "I'm not quite certain they were worth the price." He added seriously.  
  
Quatre beamed up at him, thrilled by the concern.  
  
"And next time Heero goes to talk to Duo, I'm going with you." Trowa tagged on firmly. Now that Duo was aware of their presence, the need for secrecy was over. Besides, Heero getting into a compromising situation was a worrying indication of the other's mindset. He intended to be around the next time Heero decided to take his frustration out on ornery civilians and Quatre felt compelled to take on the role of human sacrifice.  
  
Carefully lest he jarred his bruises, Quatre reached around to pull the taller pilot closer.  
  
"I wish." He sighed, his joy waning as his anxiety over his friends reared its head.  
  
Trowa squeezed him back lightly. "You knew it wouldn't be easy." He reminded his sensitive partner gently. He hesitated, then went on quietly. "Quatre, tell me the truth. Would it really be so bad for Duo to stay where he is? It is his choice to make, after all."  
  
It was Quatre's turn to breathe deeply. In truth, it was a question he had asked himself many times already. Jason and Derek Wallis were obviously more than capable of caring for Duo; and Jason was more than willing to take Heero's place in Duo's heart. And with Duo's blindness.  
  
"But is it really his choice. Trowa?" He asked softly. "He's angry and hurt. He's blind. How much of this choice was borne out of spite? Or despair? I don't want to leave him without letting him know that his blindness doesn't make him less of a friend or a teammate. Duo's effectiveness as a pilot had always been more about his character than his physical attributes."  
  
"And he's family." Trowa added.  
  
"And he's family." Quatre seconded without hesitation. "I won't give up on him without a fight."  
  
There was pain in the dulcet tones and Trowa tightened his arms around the slighter pilot. He knew how much Quatre missed the family he had left behind in order to fight for what he believed in. He rarely spoke of it, but Trowa knew there were times Quatre yearned for what he had willingly given up. No wonder he was taking Duo's leave taking so hard.  
  
Trowa didn't share Quatre's sentimentality. He had seen too much ugliness in his short life to allow himself that luxury. But he did consider Duo his friend, and he was willing to do whatever was necessary to help him find his way again. Even if it meant letting him go.  
  
On the other hand, he loved Quatre more than life, and if Quatre wanted Duo back, then he was ready to do anything to make that happen. Even if it meant dragging the former pilot, kicking and screaming, back into the fold.  
  
In the end, it was really just that simple where he was concerned.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Wufei stared at the screen of his laptop, his brain momentarily refusing to assimilate the words on it. Finally, he typed in two words that pained him more than he had expected.  
  
**Is this justice? After everything, is this the only kind of justice a gundam pilot can have?**  
  
Mechanically, he shut the computer down, then rose to his feet. He needed to think. To plan. After all, his mouth twisted sardonically, it was going to be his first time to take out a former gundam pilot.  
  
Moving to the window, he glanced out into the night, hoping for something to ease the sudden heaviness in his heart. He had had his share of difficult missions in the past, but none that troubled him so.  
  
**Who else, Chang Wufei? Who else could pull the trigger? Yuy? Probably. After all, he had proven before that the mission always came first. But that would be beyond cruel. Duo, as loud and annoying as he was, was nevertheless his partner. The bond between them transcended friendship. To have to be the one to execute the person who had watched your back numerous times, however justified the reasons, was a burden no one should have to carry on their soul.**  
  
**Winner was not even in the realm of possibility. They were too alike. Killing Maxwell would be like killing a part of himself. Barton, ordinarily, had the capacity to finish the mission. But his growing attachment to Quatre would prevent him from doing so now.**  
  
**There's no one else, Nataku. No one. Except me.**  
  
Wufei's fingers clenched at his sides.  
  
**I don't want to do this, Nataku. But neither can I allow Maxwell to die by the hands of strangers who won't even know the worth of the life they are about to take. That would be the worse dishonor.**  
  
He blinked, catching sight of movement, and his eyes narrowed, picking up a lone figure by the trees.  
  
Yuy.  
  
He hesitated, then, squaring his shoulders, he turned and headed out of his room.  
  
-o0o-  
  
**How had things gone so wrong?**  
  
Heero ran the conversation he had had with Quatre in the car on their way back.  
  
--Flashback-  
  
"He's changed."  
  
Quatre stared at him with the air of someone whose patience was very nearly at its end.  
  
"How do you mean?" He asked after it became apparent that Heero wasn't going to expound. He was aching from a dozen different bruises and he hadn't had the chance to speak with Duo at all. Besides, he was fairly sure Trowa was going to have something to say about his appearance. He was not in the mood for Twenty Questions.  
  
Heero frowned. "He's- being difficult."  
  
Quatre rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly. "Heero," He struggled to keep the impatience from showing. "Duo has been through a lot. He's bound to have changed in some way."  
  
Silence.  
  
Quatre waited, mustering the patience that he was legendary for.  
  
"He expected me to kill him." The words were acid on his tongue.  
  
Quatre closed his eyes briefly.  
  
"Of course he does." He said matter-of-factly. "He deserted. He knew that would be a consequence."  
  
Something in his tone made Heero stare at him.  
  
"You believe that as well."  
  
Quatre shrugged, avoiding his eyes.  
  
Betrayal tore at Heero. Did everyone think him a cold-blooded killer?  
  
"Heero-" Quatre searched for the words, aware that he had hurt the other boy. "-you're not the easiest person to read. In fact, I honestly believe Duo was the one who understood you best among us." He took a deep breath. "If it's any consolation, I don't believe you would hurt Duo. Not anymore." He grinned. "Certainly not after you decked the guy who was unfortunate enough to say the wrong thing at the wrong time."  
  
Heero took comfort in the sincere words, though it did little to mitigate the real source of his pain.  
  
"But he does."  
  
If anything, Quatre's grin widened. "Then it's up to you to correct this misperception, right?"  
  
"."  
  
Quatre courageously reached out to squeeze his arm. "Duo's doing his best to turn us into the past. Don't let him succeed."  
  
-end flashback-  
  
"Yuy."  
  
Heero straightened away from the tree, turning to meet the Chinese pilot's stare.  
  
"I'm leaving tomorrow on a mission." Wufei went on crisply. "Reconnaissance. Kindly take care of Shenlong until my return."  
  
Heero nodded.  
  
Wufei hesitated. "Regarding Maxwell-"  
  
"We'll take care of it." Heero told him.  
  
Wufei stared at him searchingly. "You're determined to get him back, then? In spite of his condition?"  
  
Heero kept himself from reacting to that. "Quatre already has his top physicians on standby. Duo's eyes may not be beyond recovery."  
  
Wufei absorbed that quietly. "And if they find no cure?"  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed. "What are you asking, Wufei?"  
  
Wufei refused to back down from the warning in the cobalt blue eyes. They both knew what he was talking about.  
  
"Are you ready for the possibility that we may have to eliminate Pilot 02 as a threat to the Gundams and the colonies?"  
  
"Duo is not a threat." Heero growled after a moment.  
  
"He can't protect himself." Wufei pointed out calmly. "In case of capture- "  
  
"He is not a threat." Heero's voice signaled danger. "Case closed, Wufei."  
  
Blue eyes clashed with brown.  
  
Finally, Wufei nodded.  
  
"I leave in the morning." He turned and walked away.  
  
**Forgive me, Yuy. Someone has to do it.**  
  
-end Chapter 10 


	11. chapter 11

Frozen Heart 11  
  
"I'll be on my way now, Master Max."  
  
Duo winced slightly at the 'master' bit. Then again, it was an improvement. The first time he had met the daily housekeeper Derek had hired for him, the woman had insisted on calling him Master Wallis. He had thought the woman was referring to Derek. Who knows, he thought wryly, maybe by next year he'd be able to convince Mrs. Corning to drop the 'master'.  
  
Master Max. He shook his head inwardly. He felt like a fraud. Well, he reflected, he was a fraud.  
  
"Thanks Mrs. C." He had immediately shortened her name upon meeting her. He knew it discomfited her, but hey, he was the master, wasn't he?  
  
"Lights out." Duo instructed absently upon hearing the door close after Mrs. Corning. He had no use for lights.  
  
"Done." The almost singsong, modulated, and entirely male voice of Duo's voice activated home system confirmed his instruction.  
  
A corner of Duo's mouth quirked upwards. It had taken him a long time to settle on a 'voice' that he felt comfortable with. Considering that it was the 'companion' he was to live with for the rest of his life, however short or meaningless said life was, Duo was determined to choose one as close to human as he could.  
  
He had even given it a name. Shin.  
  
"Lock up tight, Shin." He reminded casually as he strolled towards the balcony. Only here, in his own home, did he feel comfortable enough to walk without the aid of a walking stick. All the furniture was bolted to the floor, down to the chairs and exercise machines.  
  
"Of course." The computer company had asked Duo to put in as many characteristics for the system as he wished, and he grinned to hear the mildly testy nuance in Shin's voice. Jason had been appalled when he had rattled off 'irreverent, argumentative, and arrogant' instead of the usual choice of 'amiable, conciliatory and polite'.  
  
"Gawd, Jason," He had drawled out in a thoroughly amused tone. "Why would I want to do that? I'd be taking an ax to the system by the end of the day!" Hell, he had mused to himself, he wouldn't wish that kind of boredom on his worst enemy. Besides, he was a street rat. Polite conversation stifled him; he'd much rather have the casual rudeness anytime.  
  
"Your dinner is going to go cold in another five minutes." The computer informed him. Mrs. Corning always prepared his dinner before going at the end of the day. She left it on the table in the precise placements he'd told her to, to be collected and washed the next day when she reported for work.  
  
"I like cold dinners." Duo retorted lightly as he slipped out the glass doors.  
  
"Why bother cooking it at all, then?" The computer grumbled. "Baka."  
  
Duo's breath caught at the last word. The inflection, with just the right amount of exasperated irritation, had sounded just like Heero. He paused, waiting for the tightness to pass, then went on to lean against the railing. This high, the air was thin and almost chilly against his skin. Briefly, he wondered how dark it really was outside. It was almost autumn, so he supposed the nights would descend earlier. But does it encroach gradually upon the city, descending slowly, stealthily? What would the city look like, all lit up against the darkness of the night? Would there even be stars?  
  
"Is it a full moon tonight, Shin?" He called over his shoulder, certain that the highly sensitive computer would be able to pick up his inquiry.  
  
It took the computer only a few seconds to process the information he required.  
  
"Yes." The computer paused. "Should I take precautions in case you start baying at the moon?"  
  
Duo almost laughed at the complete seriousness of the inquiry. Shin was certainly worth the mind-blowingly exorbitant price he'd paid. The sarcasm had been worthy of Wuffie.  
  
"I'll let you know." He returned gamely, highly amused. He would have to thank Derek for recommending the company. Hell, he owed the Wallises so much he might as well have them adopt him into the family. Oh, yeah, he'd done that already by agreeing to the cousin pretense.  
  
He would have to think of some other way to pay the man back. Duo didn't like feeling indebted to anyone.  
  
Maybe Derek needed to hack into someone's computer mainframe? He could still do that, with Shin's help, of course. But he doubted it. Derek seemed like the responsible, law-abiding, conscience-driven type of guy. Jason was lucky to have a brother like him.  
  
**Maybe if I'd had someone like him.then maybe things would have ended differently.**  
  
He shrugged off the stray thought with a hint of impatience. He was not going to wallow in self-pity. He'd been given his lot in life and he'd dealt with it the best way he knew how. Besides, with his luck, he'd probably drag Derek right down the drain with him.  
  
**Snap out of it, Maxwell.** He straightened and headed back in. The air had gone definitely chilly and he shivered.  
  
"You're cold." Shin 'observed' with a thread of concern coating his voice. "Your jacket's hanging on the coat rack. Put it on before you catch pneumonia and die."  
  
Duo couldn't help it. He burst out laughing. Trust Shin to somehow combine Quatre's solicitousness with Trowa's dry pragmatism.  
  
"You're priceless, Shin." He got out between gasps. "Absolutely priceless."  
  
It never struck him how closely he had molded Shin's character to the four friends he had left behind.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Nearby, a figure looked up at the tall building, eyes narrowed in thought.  
  
He would have to strike soon. Heero was no fool. It wouldn't take him long to figure out that there was no mission. And then to put two and two together. He will realize that Wufei's mission was to take out his partner, and he will try to stop Wufei.  
  
Wufei knew that with absolute certainty. Just as he knew that his own life was forfeit the moment he took Duo's. Heero would not let him live past the day, and Wufei had no intention of avoiding the Perfect Soldier's vengeance. He will have taken the life of a comrade and a friend. Justified, perhaps, in the name of the cause he was fighting for; but unforgivable in the very code of honor he lived by.  
  
Wufei had prayed that he would never be forced to choose between justice and honor.  
  
He was almost glad that after this mission, he would never again have to make that choice.  
  
He will execute Duo for his desertion, and free him from the misery of his handicap; then he will submit to his own execution for betraying his friend.  
  
Wufei nodded. It was fitting.  
  
-o0o-  
  
"Heero!" The strident knocking alone would have had Heero bolting out of bed without the note of panic in Quatre's voice as an added incentive. "Heero!"  
  
**DUO.**  
  
Had something happened? Heero's features were tight with tension when he flung the door open, his senses on full alert.  
  
"What is it?" He barked tersely, his eyes taking in the strain on Quatre's pale face.  
  
"Dr. G!" Quatre got out shakily. "He's here!"  
  
Heero's expression darkened. It was unheard-of for the Gundam scientists to leave the security of the colonies. The risk was too great. For Deathscythe's creator to come to Earth.Heero squared his shoulders.  
  
"Let's go." He led the way to the living room where Trowa sat opposite the casually-dressed scientist. Trowa's features were expressionless, but Heero thought he saw concern in the green eyes. His own eyes hardened in determination.  
  
He sat down directly opposite Duo's 'controller', flanked on either side by his friends. A united front.  
  
Dr. G's gaze touched each.  
  
"Chang Wufei?" He queried shortly.  
  
"Gone on a mission." Heero answered.  
  
Dr. G's eyes narrowed.  
  
"When?" He snapped out urgently.  
  
"He left yesterday morning." This time it was Quatre who answered. He was still visibly upset, but his voice was steady, as was his stare. He will stand with his friends, or go down with them. May Allah be merciful.  
  
Dr. G closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping in defeat.  
  
"I came too late, then." He murmured almost indistinctly.  
  
Something in his tone made the hair at Heero's neck prickle with warning.  
  
"What do you mean?" He demanded.  
  
Dr. G sighed, raising his eyes to meet theirs. There was regret in the dark depths.  
  
"I tried to stop them, but they were adamant. They refused to take a chance on Duo." He paused. "Chang's mission is to eliminate Duo. Master O sent the order two nights ago."  
  
Heero's world tilted crazily. His vision darkened.  
  
"What?" He choked out.  
  
"No!" Quatre whispered disbelievingly.  
  
Trowa shut his eyes briefly. A part of him was appalled that Wufei had apparently obeyed the order, but another part of him was relieved that it was Wufei who had received the order. He had been expecting to receive it, had been dreading it.  
  
"Obviously, Duo won't stand a chance against Wufei." Dr. G went on bitterly. "I was already on my way here when I received word of their decision. They had no right!" He burst out angrily. "Duo is my pilot! Deathscythe is my Gundam! They had no right to decide their fate!"  
  
But Heero was no longer listening. Wufei was going after Duo. He shot to his feet and sprinted up the stairs to his room, emerging swiftly with his gun.  
  
"We're going with you." Quatre and Trowa met him at the foot of the stairs, behind them, Dr. G.  
  
Heero nodded. He didn't have time to argue.  
  
**If you've hurt him, I'll kill you, Wufei. I swear it. By the gods, I swear it.**  
  
end Part 11 


	12. Chapter 12

Frozen Heart 12 by sage_libra  
  
***author's note: hey, sorry about the mix-up (G vs. J). I got mixed up and my beta missed it. anyway, thanks for the great reviews. hope that glitch hasn't put you off the rest of the story.***  
  
"Isn't it enough that you're visually challenged?" The acid observation came as Duo took his seat at the table, his breakfast laid out before him. "Do you have to clog up your arteries as well?" That, Duo thought sourly, was probably in reference to the bacon, eggs and honeyed toast on his plate. Mrs. C was a firm believer in starting the day with a big breakfast and always prepared a veritable feast even when he left more than half of it sitting on the table.  
  
"Shut up, Shin." He growled, reaching for his coffee mug. "Or at least hold off until I've gotten at least one round of coffee into my system. No fair taking advantage of a sleep-addled brain."  
  
"Caffeine makes you jumpy and paranoid. It has no proven nutritional value. I should take it off the grocery list." Shin went on blithely.  
  
Duo took a hearty sip and waited for the warmth to hit his bloodstream before responding.  
  
"Do that," He said agreeably, "and I'll personally have your voice box taken out."  
  
Shin made a totally decent snorting sound. "Right. Resort to violence, why don't you?" Reproach tinged the almost human voice. "I'm only doing my job."  
  
"Which is?" Duo parried, settling back comfortably.  
  
"Keeping you alive and functional for as long as I'm able." Shin came back smartly.  
  
Duo rolled his eyes as he took another sip. Mrs. C had complained that Shin was obnoxious and downright rude, but Duo actually enjoyed the computer's company. Its sometimes-vicious 'tongue' kept him on his toes and actually appealed to his twisted sense of humor. In fact, he felt more at ease around Shin than with real people. Shin, at least, had the ability to totally overlook his blindness.  
  
"Being alive and functional is vastly overrated, sweetheart." He smirked.  
  
Shin processed that for a moment. Being a computer, 'being alive and functional' was its optimal state of being.  
  
Duo was just about to congratulate himself for finally shutting the computer up when it spoke.  
  
"What you need is a mate."  
  
Duo almost choked on the mouthful of bacon he had just swallowed. Coughing and spluttering, it took him more than a moment to recover.  
  
"Come again?" He got out after several minutes.  
  
"A mate will keep you sexually satisfied, emotionally content and mentally stable." Duo could almost see the supercomputer nodding sagely. "Of course, I'll have to give him a once-over." It tagged on as an afterthought. "Qualifications: He'll have to be strong enough to stand up to your bullying, sensitive enough to read your erratic mood changes, and caring enough to stand by your handicap."  
  
"Him?" Duo decided to go for the lesser evil, overlooked the less than generous characterization, and picked the gender selection. How did the computer arrive at the conclusion that he was gay? I've created a monster, Duo thought, torn between chagrin and amusement.  
  
"Or her. Whatever." Shin amended readily. "You can go straight, by all means." It added generously.  
  
Duo opened his mouth to rebut but was overridden by Shin notifying him briskly that someone was at the door.  
  
"It's Derek." Duo was informed in an approving tone that as good as told the American that here was one potential 'mate' Shin had vetted and found up to par.  
  
"So glad you approve." He muttered in a low voice.  
  
"Max?" Derek's pleasantly modulated voice lifted in inquiry.  
  
Well, why not? Duo shook his head, pushing the thought firmly to the back of his mind. "In the kitchen, Derek!" Footsteps. He gestured to the empty seat beside him. "Join me?"  
  
"No thanks, just had my daily dose." Derek told him. A pause. "Good to see your appetite improving."  
  
"And how!" Shin chirped in silkily.  
  
Duo shrugged. "What can I say?" He grinned. "I'm thriving under Shin's care." Why not let Derek believe the best? He didn't need to know that the real motivation behind his so-called 'appetite' was the knowledge that every meal could be his last.  
  
Heero had found him. And his former partner could have only one reason for searching him out.  
  
Elimination. He took a moment to let the hurt pass, then pasted on a smile.  
  
"Were you on your way to the office?" He queried lightly.  
  
"Actually, I was going to invite you to take a walk with me." Derek said. "There's a slight nip in the air, but the sun's shining and a short walk should be good for you."  
  
A walk. Duo hesitated. His handicap had made him very wary of venturing outside the controlled environment of his home.  
  
"Go, go." Shin urged enthusiastically. "You need the exercise after all that gorging."  
  
Yup, he'd created a monster, alright.  
  
Outnumbered two to one, he conceded. He almost winced at the eagerness with which Shin shooed them out of the door. You'd think it was the mother of an ageing spinster with one last chance at marriage, he thought darkly.  
  
The first few minutes out on the path were quiet as Duo tried to get his bearings. With practice, he had become quite adept at using the walking stick, but he had yet to get over his instinctive dislike for its necessity.  
  
Several people called out to Derek in greeting as they passed and Duo retreated behind a mask of polite silence reflexively. He could feel their curious eyes on him. He could hear it in their voices as Derek made the introductions. A blind cousin come to live near them. For someone whose life and safety had depended too long on his ability to either blend in or take control, the helplessness of his situation and the enforced passivity were both grating and unnerving. But he bore up under it. He much preferred curiosity to the pity that almost always followed.  
  
"Such a pretty young man," He had overheard the whisper once. "Such a waste." He wondered why people seemed to assume that just because he was blind, he had to be deaf as well. It was another reason he avoided going out.  
  
Noticing his discomfort, Derek quickly guided him to one of the lesser-used paths.  
  
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Duo asked finally once he felt confident enough to divide his attention between the footpath and conversation. He could feel the reassuring warmth of Derek's presence beside him and caught a whiff of the other's fresh, clean scent-so different from the metallic scent the gundam pilots frequently wore. It was odd, but he felt comfortable around Derek in a way that reminded him strongly of his camaraderie with Quatre.  
  
Derek made him feel safe.  
  
Heero had never let him feel that, he realized suddenly. Not on a personal level. Oh, he'd known that Heero would come through on a mission. That was, after all, what the other boy lived for. But even when he knew Heero would watch his back, he had always known on a subconscious level that his feelings and emotions were at risk where Heero was concerned.  
  
Because as much as Heero valued Duo the Deathscythe pilot, he cared nothing for Duo Maxwell, the person, he acknowledged with just a tinge of bitterness.  
  
Derek, on the other hand, always seemed to know exactly how he felt and what he needed even before he himself had acknowledged it. Derek was gentle and quietly supportive. He had never asked about Duo's past; was perfectly content to take him at face value. Derek gave him the space he needed to regain his balance while at the same time letting him know that he was around if he should ever be needed.  
  
**Damn you, Shin, for putting ideas into my head.** He almost groaned out loud. He didn't need this right now. Not when he had just decided to get off the emotional rollercoaster with Heeero.  
  
"It's about Jason."  
  
Duo wrested his mind back to the matter at hand, reddening slightly. Here he was one step away from enumerating the man's admirable traits when the same man's brother was obviously infatuated with him. God, he was a jerk. He didn't even know if Derek shared his gender preference. Derek could be straight for all he knew! "Is there a problem?" He asked, concerned.  
  
Derek glanced down at the worried frown marring the gamine features and his features softened. Max really was a beautiful boy, he thought. His hair, freed from the confining braid, curled charmingly around his head, giving him an almost boyishly innocent aura. His fingers itched to touch the chestnut curls, but he contented himself with squeezing the younger boy's shoulder.  
  
"That depends." He replied abstractly, directing Duo to a bench. "Has Jason mentioned that he still has a few years of schooling left?"  
  
Duo nodded, recalling a past conversation about school and Jason commenting tentatively about the coming school year.  
  
"Well, he's due back at boarding school in a few days." Derek paused. "The thing is- last night he came to me and said he was going to drop this year."  
  
Duo frowned. He wasn't a believer in schooling as the best path to education, but he recalled that Jason had sounded like he enjoyed it. In fact, he distinctly remembered the younger boy saying proudly that he was one of the top students of his class.  
  
"Did he say why?"  
  
"He says he doesn't want to leave you."  
  
Duo's jaw dropped open and he blinked, flabbergasted.  
  
"What?" He knew the younger boy had a crush on him, but to give up schooling? He could feel his cheeks heat up in embarrassment.  
  
"He seems very anxious about you." Derek went on.  
  
"Oh man." Duo groaned. "Derek, I swear, I didn't ask him to leave school to become my full-time nanny."  
  
Derek burst out laughing.  
  
"I know you didn't." He assured the ex-pilot in an amused tone. Unbidden, his hand came up to ruffle Duo's hair. "Baka."  
  
Duo's heart clenched, caught unawares. Damn, he whispered inwardly, would that word never stop haunting him?  
  
As though sensing the change in his mood, Derek went on more quietly. "Jason feels responsible for you, Max. It was because of him that your optic nerves were damaged. Also, he likes you a lot. You're different from anyone he's met before. Unique. Attractive." He weighed his words carefully. "He thinks he's falling in love with you, and he won't leave until he's seen this through."  
  
"Derek-"  
  
"Max-" Derek forged ahead. "Don't get me wrong. I'd be the last person to interfere in my brother's relationships. I just don't want him to get involved for the wrong reasons."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Do you like Jason, Max?"  
  
Duo could feel Derek's eyes on him and he chose his words carefully.  
  
"I-" Duo bit his lip. "I like Jason a lot, Derek. But I'm not in love with him." How can I when I'm still trying to get over someone he resembles?  
  
"I see." Derek paused. "Any chance of that like growing into something more in the future?"  
  
Duo hesitated, then shook his head. As much as he liked Jason's company, there was no attraction between them. Besides, he honestly doubted he could let himself care for anyone again the way he had cared for Solo or Heero. At least, not anytime soon.  
  
It just hurt too much.  
  
"Is it Q? Jason told me Q and his friends have been hanging around. He says they may be trying to convince you to go back with them." He explained at Duo's thunderstruck expression. "Are they trouble?"  
  
Duo stilled as the pieces fell into place- how Heero had found him, Jason's 'friend' at the bar. He sighed and shook his head, suddenly tired of the pretence. In fact, he was tired of the entire mess.  
  
"Q and the others- they're my friends." He told the older man softly. "Q was like a brother to me. They were my family."  
  
Derek waited patiently.  
  
"I was stupid enough to fall in love with one of my friends." Duo shrugged. "Was even more stupid to tell him so. He didn't feel the same way. I left."  
  
"I see." Derek's tone was kind. "Have you considered that maybe you misunderstood your 'friend'? He may have feelings for you and just realized it when you left. That may be why they're trying to find you."  
  
Heero have feelings for him? The thought had Duo's mouth twisting. Yeah, right. And punching him was Heero's way of saying 'love you too'. Duo shook his head. "I gave up on that fantasy some time ago."  
  
Derek winced at the bitterness in his voice.  
  
After a moment of silence, he tried another tack.  
  
"Has Jason told you about how our parents died?" At Duo's negative shake, he went on slowly. "They had a car accident and died immediately. I was in college. Jason was eight years old. I crawled my way through my studies, built a career, took care of Jason. For five years that was all I cared about." He paused, bracing himself. "I had a friend then. Someone who made me laugh no matter how bad things were. I guess I knew even then that he loved me, but I didn't have the time or the energy to reciprocate. I thought I had time enough later. Always later."  
  
He fell silent.  
  
"What happened to him?" Duo asked softly, his heart beating just a little bit faster. He refused to wonder about that.  
  
Derek took a deep breath. "He got fed up waiting for 'later' to become 'now'." He said simply. "So he left. He died during one of the terrorist attacks some months ago. He was a military base engineer."  
  
"Oh God." Duo breathed, shaken.  
  
"The thing is-" Derek went on, unable to mask the pain in his voice. "He never told me about his feelings. I only found out because of a journal he'd left behind. He thought I didn't care. The irony of it is that I did. I just didn't realize how much until he'd gone. I never got to tell him that I loved him too."  
  
"Derek-"  
  
"For a long time afterwards I alternated between grief and anger. I grieved for what we could have had, and I was angry that he hadn't drummed up the courage to tell me how he felt. Maybe if I'd been a little more sensitive.or maybe if he had been a little bit bolder.I guess now we'll never know what could have been."  
  
Was I the one who killed him?  
  
Duo fought the urge to ask which base he'd been assigned to. When he had died. However, he pushed the questions back. It didn't matter who had attacked the base. They were a team. They all had a hand in his death.  
  
"I'm sorry." God, Derek, I'm so sorry.  
  
He felt Derek shrug. "My point is- if you really love this guy, don't give up on him so easily. Fight for it."  
  
"It's too late." Duo said, his hand going up to touch his eyes.  
  
"Wrong answer." Derek told him in an attempt at lightheartedness. "You're still alive. He's still alive. How can it be too late?" He reached over to tap the side of Duo's head. "Think about it. Don't let what you can't see blind you to what you really feel."  
  
Duo bit his lip. It's not that simple, Derek, he wanted to say. I wish it was.  
  
**I wish it was.**  
  
He took a deep breath and changed the topic. "About Jason- do you want me to talk to him?" A thought struck him. "Or do you want me to leave?"  
  
Derek shook his head vehemently, then realizing that Duo can't see the action, said. "I'd appreciate it if you could put him out of his misery, it will hurt his pride, I suspect, but he'll get over it. As for leaving, don't be ridiculous, this is your home now. Stay for as long as you like." His mouth quirked slightly. "Besides, you own your unit, remember?"  
  
"Derek-" Duo hesitated. "Man, I- thanks. You've been great- about everything. Hell, you don't know anything about me, but you've taken me in." His voice faltered. ".I owe you. A lot." More than you'll ever know. More than I can ever repay.  
  
Derek tilted his head, trying to read the younger boy's tone. It had been fraught with complex emotions. Gratitude. Humility. Guilt? Over what?  
  
Finally, he contented himself with squeezing Duo's arm. "You don't owe me anything, Max. You'd never met Jason before, but you almost died protecting him. I'm the one who owes you."  
  
Shame kept Duo silent.  
  
**You're wrong, Derek. I helped Jason because at first glance he reminded me of Heero. There was nothing noble about it. Nothing noble about me. I'm just a selfish, washed-up, blind ex-pilot.**  
  
He forced a smile. "Okay, let's just say I helped Jason out then and you're helping me out now. Let's call it even, alright?" He stuck a hand out.  
  
Derek took the proffered hand and shook it firmly. "Even." He blinked slightly at the warmth and softness of Duo's hand, his grip tightening slightly before he recalled himself and released Duo.  
  
Flustered, he glanced at his watch. "Look, I have to go on to the clinic. Walk you back up?"  
  
Duo shook his head as he slipped his tingling hand into his pocket. His cheeks felt warm and he barely stopped himself from shifting uneasily. Derek's little touches were starting to affect him. He knew they were meant to comfort, but he couldn't deny the growing physical attraction he felt for the older man. "No, I'll be fine. I think I'll soak up a little more of the sun." He needed time alone to think.  
  
Derek frowned.  
  
"I'll be fine." Duo insisted.  
  
"Alright." Derek acquiesced reluctantly. "I'll give you a call later."  
  
"Okay." Duo agreed. "And Derek, don't worry about Jason. He isn't going to drop school on my account." A note of steel entered his tone.  
  
"I trust you." Derek smiled, his eyes softening. His steps were light as he walked away.  
  
"You shouldn't." Duo whispered out of his hearing, his features darkening as he gazed out into the darkness.  
  
He could feel the warmth of the sun, and nearby, birds were twittering in mindless chatter. Funny, he had always associated the darkness with silence and cold. Then again, his mouth thinned slightly, he was the only one in the dark.  
  
'I trust you'  
  
The words seemed to echo in his ears, as did the warmth with which the words were uttered. Derek. He bit his lip as he thought of the older man. He couldn't deny that there was something between them. Something that- given time- could lead to something more. Something deeper. He refused to put a name to that 'something', because he knew he couldn't let that something happen.  
  
There were too many secrets between them. His secrets. His past. He thought of that other guy- the one Derek had lost- and he closed his eyes. How would Derek react if he ever found out that Duo was one of those terrorists who had blown up the military base that killed his lover? How would he handle the truth that being Duo's friend put them all in danger? No, for his own sake Derek must never know the truth about Max.  
  
And without the truth what hope did they have of having anything beyond this farce of a friendship? Did he even dare expose Derek and Jason to the potential risks of associating with him? His fingers clenched. But what choice did he have? Leave? Where could he go? Where could he be safe?  
  
"Dammit!" He burst out in a harsh whisper. He was sick of the endless circle of deception and helplessness.  
  
The crunch of leaves underfoot alerted him to another presence and he stiffened reflexively.  
  
"Maxwell."  
  
There was a finality in that one word that made Duo's hair stand on end. His head swiveled to 'meet' that presence.  
  
"Wufei."  
  
Wufei's breath caught at the blankness in that stare. He had rarely heard his real name on the braided pilot's lips. Ironic to hear it now, when death hovered over them on dark wings. His eyes ran over the other boy, awed by the latter's utter stillness and sense of control. This wasn't the Duo Maxwell he had known. Deathscythe's pilot had always been an irresistible force in perpetual motion- rocking on his heels, gesturing with his hands, talking with his mouth and body.  
  
He was surprised by the loss that shot through him.  
  
"One chance, Maxwell." His voice was filled with icy determination. "Are you truly decided on turning away from your sworn duty?"  
  
Duo's mouth quirked in a humorless smile. "Come to be my executioner, Wufei?" He asked evenly. He raised both hands. "Go ahead."  
  
Wufei raised his katana, its point fixed unerringly on Duo's chest. "I don't wish to do this." His fingers tightened around the sword.  
  
Duo tilted his head. "But you will because its what your duty commands." He said matter-of-factly. "It's okay, Wufei. I understand." His voice fell to a whisper. "We all have things we need to do, regardless of how we feel about it."  
  
Wufei nodded tightly, ignoring the stinging in his eyes. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse.  
  
"Forgive me, Duo."  
  
end Chapter 12 


	13. chapter 13

Frozen Heart 13  
  
Duo closed his eyes, steeling himself against what was coming. Wufei would be using his sword, so he fully expected to feel the cold steel pierce his chest. He clenched his teeth grimly. A clean thrust through the heart was his best bet. Wufei hated making a mess.  
  
However, it was a single shot that sent him sailing violently through the air. He cried out in shock, eyes flying open as he landed hard on the ground and excruciating pain shot through his body. His hand flew instinctively to the burning wound on his shoulder.  
  
Two thoughts occurred simultaneously. First, that Wufei had switched from using swords to guns. And secondly, that he was an incredibly poor shot.  
  
"Dammit!" He groaned harshly, trying to get his feet under him and get up. At this rate, he would have to get Wufei to aim at his head instead of his heart. A bigger target would hopefully compensate for poor marksmanship. "Wufei-"  
  
It was all he was able to get out before rough hands grabbed him and he was unceremoniously jerked backwards. Again, he cried out, as much in surprise as in pain. From behind, gentle hands caught him.  
  
"Easy, Duo. We've got you." A familiar voice said reassuringly.  
  
"Quatre?!" Duo's mind was whirling with confusion and pain, and he sagged against his friend's solid bulk.  
  
"Thank Allah we got here in time." Quatre's voice was tight, and he shuddered in remembrance. He would never forget the scene- Wufei lunging, his blade aimed directly over Duo's heart. Only Heero's quick thinking had saved Duo. Knowing that he had little chance of deflecting Wufei, Heero had removed the target. He swallowed. If Heero had missed.he shook his head. He couldn't even guess at how Heero must have felt. His gaze moved to the two boys facing off before him.  
  
Heero had placed himself squarely between them and Wufei. Once he had placed Duo behind him, his whole attention had been focused on his Chinese teammate. The gun pointed at Shenlong's pilot didn't waver. Time enough later to check on Duo's wound. His mouth tightened with anger.  
  
Wufei had almost killed Duo. Would have killed him if Heero hadn't arrived in time.  
  
Wufei's stare shifted from the gun to the fierce cobalt eyes. Logic dictated he be wary of the rage that burned in Heero's eyes. However, all he felt was blessed relief, followed closely by guilt that he had failed his mission. His mouth tightened. He almost wished Heero had shot him instead. Then, he would have a reason not to push through with this mission from hell.  
  
"I have my orders, Yuy." He said grimly. "Either shoot me or move away and let me complete my mission."  
  
"I'm not letting you kill Duo." Heero told him.  
  
"He's one of us, Wufei." Quatre spoke up pleadingly. He hated seeing his friends on opposite sides, each bearing a deadly weapon aimed at the other. "You can't seriously intend to kill him!"  
  
"You think I want to do this?" Wufei's eyes flashed. "I don't have a choice! None of us do!" Anguish crept into his voice.  
  
"Guys," Duo's voice was strained, but even. "it's okay. Really. Let's just get this over with."  
  
"Shut up, Duo." Heero shot back tersely. To Wufei, he said, "Your mission was issued illegally. Dr. G did not sanction Duo's execution."  
  
Wufei's eyes narrowed even as hope fired inside him.  
  
"It's true, Chang Wufei." Dr. G stepped forward, facing the Chinese pilot squarely. "Master O and the others acted without my consent. Duo is my pilot. Only I can decide his fate." His stare challenged Wufei to refute him.  
  
Wufei hesitated for a moment. He couldn't deny Dr. G's claim. On the other hand, his orders had come from Master O himself. He had no reason to doubt his mentor. His gaze shifted to Duo's pale face.  
  
**Do you really want his death on your hands, Chang Wufei? A small voice asked.**  
  
**No.** It was the only answer he could give.  
  
Wufei straightened slowly, sheathing his katana. Heero lowered his gun. Quatre breathed a little easier as tension dissipated. Beside him, Duo was still speechless, unable to believe what was happening. The transition from almost dying to being surrounded by his friends to having his mentor defending him was just too much for him to absorb. He swayed unsteadily.  
  
Trowa glanced around, wary. Heero had used a silencer, but the park was an open public area, and the others hadn't exactly been keeping their voices down. The last thing they needed was to be discovered by curious civilians. "Duo's bleeding and we are in an unsecured area." He reminded Heero meaningfully. "I suggest we move."  
  
Heero stiffened, remembering, and he immediately turned to check on his partner. True enough, Duo was standing only with Quatre's support. He stepped up to them and ignoring Duo's loud protests, lifted him off his feet.  
  
"Your unit, I think." Quatre told a flushed and red-faced Duo, fighting a grin. He had every reason to be happy. They had averted a tragedy and Heero seemed ready to acknowledge his feelings for Duo.  
  
Now all they had to do was convince Duo to come home.  
  
Duo struggled briefly in Heero's arms. "I can walk." He ground out desperately. He did not like his body's enthusiastic reaction to Heero's nearness, despite the pain it was experiencing.  
  
Heero's hold tightened. "Shut up." He retorted. "Wufei, lead the way." He had no doubt the Chinese pilot had already mapped out Duo's building. It was standard operating procedure in any mission.  
  
Wufei was already moving. "Let's go around the back. Less traffic."  
  
Duo opened his mouth to protest, then thought better of it. When had Heero ever listened to him, anyway? Besides, a little voice whispered, how many chances did he get to be this near to the Perfect Soldier? Cursing his weakness, both physical and otherwise, he shut his eyes and concentrated on conserving his energy for the upcoming battle.  
  
-o0o-  
  
"What happened to you?!"  
  
Duo groaned as the strident demand reverberated around the room. In all the confusion he had completely forgotten about Shin. The computer was never going to let him live this down.  
  
"Don't panic, Shin. I'm fine!" He declared hurriedly before Shin's computer protocol kicked in and called for the building medics. Or worse, Derek. He bit back another groan as Heero lowered him to the bed and the movement unavoidably jarred his injured shoulder. "Damn!"  
  
"You're bleeding." Shin noted matter-of-factly. "Your pulse is racing and you're suffering from mild shock. You should be in an emergency room. Where's Derek and who are these people?" Not waiting for a response, it went on. "Next time you go for a walk, you're taking your gun. I didn't realize the gardens were so dangerous. Better yet, maybe its time you took some more self-defense lessons. Is he even a qualified medic?" The last in reference to Heero who had begun treating Duo's shoulder.  
  
Duo's cheeks were burning as he distinctly overheard Trowa sniggering and Quatre's hastily repressed laughter. Nor did it take much imagination to conjure the smirk on Wufei's face, or the impatience on Heero's. He didn't dare imagine how Dr. G was taking his over-talkative computer.  
  
"Shin, so help me, if you don't shut up-ow!" The threat ended ignominiously as Heero began cleaning the wound.  
  
Satisfied that Heero appeared to know what he was doing, Shin went on. "You're lucky I allowed Mrs. Corning to take the rest of the day off. It's her son's birthday." Shin informed him "Otherwise you'd have her in hysterics. Oh, and Jason called while you were out with Derek. He wasn't happy to hear you two went for a walk." Duo was told smugly. "He's dropping by in an hour or so." It paused significantly. "Should I call him and let him know you're otherwise occupied?"  
  
Duo swore as Heero dabbed at the wound a little more forcefully than was strictly necessary. He 'glared' at Wing's pilot. "Your bedside manner hasn't improved one bit." He snapped.  
  
"Tell your computer to shut up before I do it for you. Permanently." Heero shot back, just as viciously. He was heartily sick of the other boys that insisted on dancing around his partner. Even the damned computer was showing a possessive streak where its master was concerned.  
  
**He's mine, dammit!**  
  
Duo's mouth thinned dangerously. He was hurting from his wound, confused by the sudden change of events, and scared of the feelings Heero's presence was dredging up. His carefully restructured life was starting to shake on its foundations, and he masked his fear with anger.  
  
Heero read his expression and his own anger surfaced. Beneath it roiled fear too. Fear that he had almost lost Duo. Again. Fear that he may be too late to reclaim his partner. Fear that Duo had found someone else to love. However, he couldn't afford to examine those fears too closely. Not yet.  
  
Leaning close to Deathscythe's pilot, he whispered fiercely. "Stop pushing me, Duo."  
  
"And who the hell is Duo?"  
  
Duo closed his eyes briefly. Of course Shin picked that up. He sagged against the pillows, his head starting to pound. Stop pushing me. He was pushing Heero? He shook his head and winced. There was just too much to take in, and he was too exhausted to do it right now.  
  
"Shin, for the love of God, put a lid on it." He got out tiredly. "Call Jason and tell him I'll speak with him tomorrow. Better yet. Tell him to wait for my call. And not a word about what happened here." Duo rattled off a code that placed everything exchanged that morning in a sealed confidential folder. Shin accepted the order grudgingly, but didn't argue. Someone handed him a pill and he took it without demur. At worst it was a poison tablet, and at that point, he wasn't sure that wouldn't be the better way out. However, with his luck it was more likely a painkiller.  
  
He sighed and settled more comfortably as the fast-acting drug began to take effect. "Make yourselves at home." He murmured drowsily. "And Yuy, don't you dare lay a finger on Shin."  
  
Quatre leaned down to pat his hair. "Don't worry, Duo. Everything's gonna be alright. You'll see. Rest now."  
  
"Rest." Heero echoed, his features softening as he took in Duo's exhausted face. "We'll talk when you wake."  
  
"Talk? You?" Duo almost grinned, but yawned hugely instead. "That'll be the day."  
  
"Rest, Max." Shin was not to be outdone. "I'll keep an eye on them."  
  
Duo frowned, the blatant challenge in Shin's tone rousing him.  
  
"Shin," He struggled to put some order in his thoughts. He had to make sure Shin didn't inadvertently bring on his own demise by baiting Heero while Duo was out. "See this guy with blue eyes and messy brown hair? He's Heero, and he can dismantle you faster than you can say 'reboot'. Don't tempt him." He yawned again, and unable to fight the drugs, drifted off in midsentence.  
  
"Hn." Was Shin's disgruntled reply, before it cut off all communication.  
  
-o0o-  
  
"Amazing." Dr. G remarked, gazing around Duo's home. He beamed. "I knew he had it in him." Pride sounded in his voice.  
  
Heero followed the scientist's gaze, his expression closed. Dr. G saw Duo's innovativeness and cleverness in the way the latter had designed his home. The rounded corners, bolted-down furniture, even the computer's programming. He saw how Duo had molded his surroundings to adapt to his needs.  
  
And yet, the place made Heero uneasy. It forced him to look at a side of Duo that he had never encountered before.  
  
Order. Discipline. An almost obsessive neatness.  
  
They were traits he had never associated with Deathscythe's manic, carefree pilot. The Duo he knew would have found the place- dull. Boring. For him to have come up with this, to actually live within its confines must have taken immense effort and control. And Duo hated being controlled.  
  
As much as Heero's training admired the simple practicality of the set-up; understood the necessity for it in Duo's condition, another part of him, the part that knew how much Duo hated being confined and regimented, cried out for the blind boy. He wanted-longed to be able to take Duo away from all of this. To shield him from the pain and uncertainty. To protect him.  
  
To love him.  
  
Dr. G's voice broke into his musings and he turned his attention back to the scientist.  
  
"Now, why don't we start unraveling this mess?" His expression turned grave. "I meant what I said a while ago. Only I can decide 02's fate, and I don't like making decisions without knowing the entire story." He fixed his gaze on Heero. "Give me your evaluation of 02's performance."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Alright, let's start with his latest folly. What drove 02 to abandon the mission in the first place?"  
  
More silence.  
  
Dr. G frowned. "Your silence is not going to save 02." He pointed out curtly. "Make no mistake, if I deem 02 to be a true risk to the mission I will order his elimination. I will not entrust Deathscythe to an erratic pilot, no matter what my personal feelings may be on the matter."  
  
"Duo is an excellent pilot!" Quatre blurted out defensively.  
  
"Agreed." Dr. G nodded, his tone enigmatic. "However, it is not his piloting skills in question here, but his motivations."  
  
"02 expressed an attraction to me and I hit him." Heero said finally.  
  
Dr. G's frown deepened. "A petty altercation drove him to desert his gundam and his mission?"  
  
Put that way, it did sound childish and unworthy of a soldier, Quatre admitted inwardly. And it made Duo look pretty bad. He bit his lip anxiously, his mind searching for a way to remain honest without endangering Duo.  
  
"He felt betrayed and rejected."  
  
Trowa fought a small grin as much at Heero's tone as at his words. 01 was obviously out to defend his partner in spite of the latter's obvious failing.-something that the Heero of old would not have done. And to talk about feelings- Trowa caught Quatre's eyes and smiled reassuringly. Perhaps his lover's efforts on this matter weren't going to go to waste after all.  
  
Dr. G leaned back, crossing his arms over his chest. "Hardly reason enough to betray his duty."  
  
"02 has always accomplished his part in missions with dedication." Wufei spoke up at length, his tone carefully neutral. "However, it is a fact that Duo is not the most emotionally stable among us His actions are often dictated by how he feels." It was the truth, after all, and Wufei saw no point in dancing around the truth.  
  
"05, shut up." Heero's glare was hot enough to melt glaciers.  
  
"It's the truth!" Wufei shot back, stung. "How can we expect Duo to act with logic when it is his passion that drives him?"  
  
Trowa spied an opening and went for it. "01, you have pointed out on several occasions that 02's impulsiveness puts us at risk." He said mildly.  
  
Heero's fingers clenched spasmodically. "02 would never knowingly or willingly betray us." He said strongly.  
  
"So your previous evaluations of 02-?" Trowa prodded.  
  
"I was wrong." Heero acknowledged readily. "I misjudged passion for recklessness. I measured him by my standards and expected him to conform to my specs, ignoring the fact that he was trained differently." His voice fell, but his gaze was steady on Dr. G as he continued. "I'm the one who betrayed the mission by forcing 02 to leave. I'm the one who willfully endangered the mission."  
  
"Heero.-" Quatre whispered.  
  
"I'll accept whatever sanction you deem appropriate." Heero went on, ignoring the stunned expressions of the other pilots. "But 02 has suffered enough. If you decide to eliminate him," He raised his chin unflinchingly. "then you will lose two pilots. Wing will not fight without Deathscythe."  
  
**I won't go on without you, Duo. I can't.**  
  
"We're a team, Dr. G." Quatre spoke up quietly. "Sandrock stands by Wing and Deathscythe."  
  
"As does Shenlong." Wufei added.  
  
Trowa nodded his support. It was a given. Heavyarms goes where Sandrock goes.  
  
"I see." Dr. G took off his spectacles and began wiping the lenses.  
  
A tense silence descended on the group.  
  
"Dr. J and the others questioned my choosing Duo Maxwell to pilot Deathscythe, you know." Dr. G said finally, his tone conversational. "Half-wild, loud, irreverent, totally unpredictable. In fact, were it not for his unquestionable piloting skill, he would have been written off by the others." His gaze rose, fixing each of the young men before him with a penetrating stare. "But I saw in Duo the one quality I deem most important in a pilot."  
  
"Duo is a survivor." Dr. G leaned forward. "He survived the streets of L2. He survived losing his friends. He survived Maxwell Church and his first mentor." He stared at Heero. "He will survive losing you." He said pointedly. He put on his spectacles. "The fact is, survivors have the unique ability to cut their losses and start over. They can rise from the ashes because they have the strength of character necessary to determine when to give up, pick up the pieces and move on." Dr. G paused. "Just as Duo has done now."  
  
Dr. G took a deep breath. "However, as with all things, Duo's survival instincts are compromised by his emotions. If his attraction to you had been purely physical, Duo would have been able to shrug off your rejection and remain with the team. Unfortunately, it seems his commitment to you surpasses even what he had shared with Solo." He grew quietly reflective. "I think Duo's wildness, his recklessness was borne out of his need to protect himself from the pain of losing Solo. And now," His eyes traveled the perfect orderliness of Duo's home. "this is his way of protecting himself from losing you."  
  
"He hasn't lost me." Heero whispered.  
  
"Dr. G, how can we help him?" Quatre asked. "The team needs him."  
  
"That," Dr. G shot Heero a significant look. "depends on you. Duo has too much pride to remain where he feels he isn't wanted. And now his blindness exacerbates the situation. He wouldn't want to be a burden to the team."  
  
"I have doctors ready to start treating his eyes." Quatre informed him stoutly. "His blindness is only temporary."  
  
Dr. G nodded. And if that failed he had no doubt the resourceful Arabian would find other ways to make 02 functional once more. Sandrock's pilot had more grit and determination than his soft outward appearance hinted at. He turned to Heero, quirking an eyebrow.  
  
"I do want him." Heero stated firmly, ignoring the heat climbing up his cheeks. He would never deny Duo again.  
  
Dr. G grinned, finally allowing his stern visage to soften.  
  
"Now we're getting somewhere."  
  
end Chapter 13. 


	14. chapter 14

Disclaimers: Sorry, have been very forgetful about this portion. Don't own them (wish I did, though), with the exception of Derek and Jason.  
  
Author's Note: We're almost there.thanks to my ever-loyal beta and inspiration- euni; and thanks for all the great reviews and reminders. I appreciate the very warm welcome Derek has received, and though I was very tempted to desert Heero in favor of him, I had to listen to Duo's heart. For now, at any rate. (  
  
Frozen Heart 14  
  
The atmosphere in the room was tense. Duo had been allowed an hour's grace period after waking up before the pilots and Dr. G had trooped to his room for the 'interview'. Judging from the sounds of movement, he pictured the pilots scattered about the room, leaning against the wall or lounging against furniture. Dr. G had seated himself at the edge of his bed, since there were no chairs to be dragged around. Duo had made sure of that.  
  
"You shouldn't be here." The statement was addressed as much to Dr. G as to the assembled pilots.  
  
Dr. G smiled, amused at the bewilderment in Duo's voice. "Well, if a certain Gundam pilot had stayed put I wouldn't be, would I?" He rejoined mildly.  
  
Duo flushed at the reminder.  
  
Dr. G gazed at the bedridden boy, his expression contemplative, even slightly troubled. He was a scientist, not a psychiatrist. He put up a good front before the boys, but inwardly he worried that he was about to do more harm than good. He sighed. He really didn't have much of a choice anyway. Keeping his pilot alive and functional had to be his first priority.  
  
"Your last message to me only said you were going solo. That working with the team had become- difficult." He watched Duo intently. "I suppose that was before your accident?" Tell me you weren't lying, Duo. Tell me you weren't really going to just walk out on us.  
  
He remembered his surprise at reading that message. He had always thought Duo's partnership with Heero an extremely effective one. However, he had been willing to let Duo go back to flying solo. After all, Shinigami had been effective too on his own. Which was why Duo's sudden 'desertion' had surprised him and led him to come to Earth himself. Now, if Duo had been lying all along; had truly intended to abandon Deathscythe, that he couldn't forgive. On the other hand, if his untimely accident had been the reason behind his failure to retrieve Deathscythe, well, that put an altogether different complexion to the entire affair.  
  
Duo nodded slowly, and Dr. G felt as though a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.  
  
"I was heading back to the safehouse." He stated softly, remembering. "Had to get my stuff and Deathscythe out." Before I lost hold of the anger and deluded myself into believing that Heero's feelings would change. That there was still hope. Pathetic idiot that I was.  
  
Heero didn't stir from his position by the wall, but his eyes darkened. Duo had really meant to leave him. Not the mission. Him.  
  
Duo continued. "I saw a group of guys ganging up on another boy and I couldn't just walk away." His voice fell. "One of them got a lucky hit in. Next thing I knew, the world had gone black."  
  
-flashback-  
  
He woke up to the dark. He blinked, wondering at the complete darkness around him. He heard movement.  
  
"Who's there?" He called out sharply, groping under his pillow for the gun he kept close. It wasn't there.  
  
"It's alright." A soothing voice spoke up a short distance away. Duo's head swung to that direction, eyes straining to make out the speaker. "My name's Derek. Jason, the boy you helped out the other night- he's my younger brother, remember?" The voice warmed. "We've been introduced, but I'm afraid you weren't in any shape to be thanked properly. We weren't even able to get your name in all the confusion."  
  
"Max." Duo improvised quickly. He winced as the memory came back, and with it, the awareness of a throbbing ache at the side of his head. The other night? "How long have I been out?"  
  
"Just a day." Derek assured him. "We were getting worried. In fact, if you hadn't woken up today I would have had to disregard your wishes and take you to the hospital."  
  
"No hospitals." Duo stated quickly and firmly. He couldn't believe he'd slept an entire day away. It had to be the middle of the night already. The room was so dark he couldn't see an inch in front of his eyes. He touched the bandage circling his head gingerly. He vaguely remembered the guy. Remembered, in spite of the blood and the incredible pain in his head, refusing vehemently an offer to take him to the hospital. He'd have to think of a good reason to explain that away. At the moment though, he was more concerned about the darkness. "Hey, do you mind turning on the lights? I'm not that fond of the dark."  
  
Dead silence followed his request.  
  
"It's dark?" Duo almost jumped. The voice was right beside him.  
  
But he could still see nothing.  
  
Icy dread uncoiled at the pit of his stomach. He struggled to sit up.  
  
"What time is it?" He asked, struggling to keep his tone even.  
  
"Max-"  
  
Fear snapped his control.  
  
"What the fucking time is it?!" His voice rose sharply. "Tell me!"  
  
Silence. Duo could hear his heart thundering in his ears. He shook his head in denial. This couldn't be happening to him. God couldn't do this to him on top of everything else.  
  
He couldn't.  
  
A trembling hand lifted. Halted right before his eyes. Waved.  
  
Nothing.  
  
Duo let his hand fall, his mind numbing.  
  
"I'm blind." He whispered disbelievingly.  
  
"Max-" A soothing hand touched his arm. "I'm sure it's only temporary. Let me take you to a doctor-"  
  
But Duo couldn't hear him anymore.  
  
Blind. He'd gone blind.  
  
With a panicked cry he shoved the other man away and slid off the bed.  
  
The floor was cold to his bare feet. He ignored that, just as he ignored Derek's warning. He ran blindly, listening to the age-old instinct's cry to flee in the face of a horror he could not accept.  
  
"Max!"  
  
Duo stumbled on something. A chair. He threw it aside. Something- a piece of cloth- snagged his feet and losing his balance, he crashed to the floor.  
  
"Max!" Hands latched on to his arms from behind, and Duo exploded. He shrieked, pushed, shoved, kicked. Trying to get away from the hands that tried to restrain him. Trying to escape the impenetrable darkness that had swallowed him. But the hands were tenacious, sliding around him, holding him tightly against a broad chest.  
  
Words, unintelligible, repeated over and over in his ear. Seeking to soothe. To calm.  
  
"It's going to be okay. It's going to be okay." Over and over.  
  
Duo shuddered.  
  
"Liar!" He got out hoarsely.  
  
It was not going to be okay. He was blind.  
  
Blind.  
  
He sagged, the fight draining out of him. A sob broke from his lips. He was blind.  
  
He wept.  
  
-end flashback-  
  
Duo shuddered, struggling to bring himself back to the present. That was the last time he had cried. He would not, could not lose control again.  
  
He'd rebuilt his life, hadn't he? Like always. He'd coped. Adjusted. Adapted. Survived. It was hard. Damn hard. But he had done it. He couldn't let anything- or anyone- undo it.  
  
Dr. G watched the gamine features smooth out. Duo was hiding behind his mask again. Dr. G was used to that. All the pilots wore masks. Hell, everyone did. However, he was used to the other mask Duo wore. The flippant one. The one that maintained an inane chatter no matter how dire the situation was. This mask was quieter. More controlled. Unreadable. Dr. G decided he liked the other mask better.  
  
He cleared his throat.  
  
"Winner believes your condition is only temporary. In fact, he has a team of doctors waiting to make it so."  
  
"It's true, Duo." Quatre spoke up from beside Trowa. "We'll get you fixed up in no time."  
  
Duo was momentarily silent. Then he said softly, firmly. "Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not willing to take that chance."  
  
Dr. G frowned. "You ought to have more faith in your friends." He chided gently.  
  
"I don't doubt Quatre's resources." Duo said evenly. "I know he'll go to any extent to help me. He's my friend. But-" He 'looked' down at his hands, picking idly at the bedsheets. "I'm- content- where I am, Dr. G. I'm learning to live with my condition. Besides, I've been to the doctors. They all said the same thing. An operation may not necessarily bring my vision back. Even if it did, they can't guarantee against side effects. Without an operation, my optic nerves may or may not heal naturally. My eyesight might come back. It might not." Faint bitterness echoed in his voice. "No guarantees."  
  
"But they didn't rule out the possibility of full recovery either, did they?" Wufei broke in. He didn't understand what Duo was waiting for. Here was a chance to regain his eyesight and he was quibbling over details.  
  
"No, Wufei, they didn't." Duo agreed.  
  
"So what's keeping you from taking a chance? What have you got to lose?"  
  
**What have you got to lose?**  
  
Duo's mouth tightened.  
  
Heero too, was perplexed. If Duo regained his eyesight, he could regain his place in the team. He would no longer be helpless or at the mercy of the darkness. They could find their way to being friends -and more- again.  
  
So why did Duo hesitate? Why?  
  
His eyes narrowed. Or did Duo want to stay here, with Jason and Derek Wallis? Did he think that his eyesight was the price to pay for their presence in his life? Jealousy seared through him.  
  
"Duo," Quatre cut in, shooting Wufei a telling glare. Challenging Duo was only going to make him dig his heels in deeper. "the procedure may take time, but I've discussed your case with the doctors and they've assured me your eyes aren't beyond recovery."  
  
"Did they?" Duo's eyes pinned him unerringly. "They can guarantee you that, even without having examined me? They must be a bunch of geniuses then." His voice shook slightly and he shut his eyes briefly. When they opened again the depth of the sadness lurking there stunned Quatre. "Quat, do you know what's more cruel than being blind?" He went on without waiting for a response. "It's the hope. They keep telling you that it could be temporary. That my eyesight might come back. Could. Might. They give you hope so you wait. And wait. And wait. And with each day that passes a little bit of that hope dies." His voice fell to a whisper. "I waited, Quat. I hoped. But nothing happened. I'm still blind." He stopped, waiting for the pain to ease. "I can live with the darkness, Quat. I can. But I can't go on hoping for something that might or might not happen. It'll drive me mad."  
  
"Duo." Quatre couldn't help himself. He crossed to Duo's side and embraced his friend roughly. "I'm sorry I wasn't here to help you." He whispered. "You needed me and I failed you."  
  
Duo hesitated, then squeezed back. "You're the best friend any person can ask for, Quat." He assured him. "I'm the one who should be sorry. You must have been worried sick."  
  
"He was." Trowa voiced out drily.  
  
Light laughter dispelled the tension in the air and the two boys disengaged.  
  
"But Duo-" Quatre plunged ahead. "even if your eyes don't heal fully, you're still one of us. You can't just walk away."  
  
Duo allowed his mouth to twist. "On the contrary, Quat, without my eyes I'm more a liability to you guys. I can't operate Deathscythe and if I get caught-" He shrugged.  
  
"You can stay with my Maguanacs." Quatre pointed out. "They'll protect you."  
  
"No." Duo said simply.  
  
"Baka." Heero spoke up, his tone searing in its intensity. "You're just running away."  
  
Duo's head shot up, his eyes narrowing.  
  
"Get out of my room, Yuy." He ordered flatly. "In fact, get out of my house. Now."  
  
Heero straightened. "Neither one of us is leaving this room until after we've talked." He said softly. He didn't even turn to look at the others. "Leave us."  
  
"NO!" Duo's voice was more than a little panicked. He did not want time alone with Heero.  
  
Quatre squeezed his arm. "Give him a chance, Duo." He said softly before moving away.  
  
Heero waited until the door had closed before stepping to Duo's bedside and sitting down.  
  
Duo steeled himself, just barely stopping himself from inching away.  
  
Heero steeled himself, just barely stopping himself from reaching out to touch his partner. They needed to talk first.  
  
Uncertainty gnawed at him. He wasn't sure what he had to say was still relevant to Duo. It was a risk, because if after baring his soul Duo chooses to stay with the Wallises he would be left with a hole in his heart. However, when he weighed that against losing Duo without a fight, there was really no choice. He couldn't lose Duo.  
  
He wanted his partner back. Wanted the inane chatter, the ingenious pranks, the irrepressible banter. Most of all, he wanted Duo to smile at him again. It was insane, but he needed to have his partner wreak havoc in his life and heart, and to have that he would go to any lengths.  
  
This was the mission he could not afford to fail.  
  
-end Chapter 14  
  
note: I'm working on Chp 15. Promise. ( 


	15. chapter 15

Disclaimer: Don't own them, 'coz if I did, where would the angst come from?  
  
Note from the author: Not a medical practitioner, so sorry if I'm making a hash of Duo's blindness.  
  
Frozen Heart 15  
  
"Shin-"  
  
But Heero beat him to it. "If your computer interferes I guarantee it'll be the last thing it ever does." And he meant it. He was not going to brook interference from anyone at this point.  
  
Duo's mouth tightened. "Let me finish, why don't you?" He shot back acidly. "Shin, disable surveillance monitors in my room until I say otherwise." He had nothing left to say to Heero, but all the same, he quailed at the thought of anyone- or anything- witnessing what might become an unpleasant scene.  
  
"Unacceptable." The computer told him in no uncertain terms. "My mission parameters revolve around keeping you alive and functional. He has already threatened me." Who knows what he might do to you, it seemed to imply.  
  
There was something familiar about the way the computer spoke, but Heero couldn't pin it down. Nor did he have any inclination to. However, he did acknowledge the logic behind the concern.  
  
"Aw, worried about me? I'm touched, Shin. Really." Heero started at the sudden softening of Duo's tone as well as at the mischievous grin that suddenly flitted across his partner's face. It had been too long since he'd seen this side of Duo. However, it was gone just as quickly as Duo's expression turned somber. "If Heero had wanted me dead, Shin, I'd be dead." Duo told the computer wryly. "Besides, he did save me from Wufei." He pointed out.  
  
"True." The computer conceded after a moment. "Your wound has been cleaned and your bandage replaced. Infection has not set in. Your adrenaline levels are up and your heart rate is beating faster than normal, but otherwise I detect nothing amiss with you physically. Yuy-sama, I will re-evaluate his condition upon surveillance reactivation. Should I find that his condition has deteriorated on account of your presence I will have you removed from the premises." With an ominous click, the computer tuned itself out.  
  
At any other time, Duo would have found Shin's protectiveness amusing, but right now, his sense of humor was having a hard time reviving itself. Now that he was truly alone with Heero, he wondered if disabling Shin had been the right thing to do. Fight or flight? Duo clutched at the sheets tightly as he wrestled with the unmanliest urge to run. Heero was too near. Duo could feel the warmth his body radiated, could hear his even breathing, hell- he could actually sense the cobalt blue eyes boring into his face.  
  
Rallying himself, he forced the panicky feeling to ebb, allowing it to be replaced by rigid calm. You have no right to make me feel like this, Heero. I'm over you. Now, if only his heart would get the message!  
  
"You wanted to talk. So talk." He tossed out coolly, leaning back against the pillows and crossing his arms over his chest in a universal gesture of defiance.  
  
Heero gritted his teeth. Duo wasn't going to make this easy. But he had a right to his anger, and Heero was determined to see this through, minus the misunderstandings. Quatre had warned him that Duo's blindness was bound to make the latter more defensive and uncertain; had advised him strongly to exercise patience.  
  
'Maximum tolerance, Heero. Duo's been through a lot and he's still learning to adjust to his blindness. There's bound to be a lot of uncertainty and anger inside him. Remember that he can't see you. He can't read your body language or your facial expressions, so he'll be basing a lot on your tone of voice.' Quatre had said somberly. 'I know it's going to be hard, but you have to try to express how you really feel through your voice.' He bit his lip. 'Try to picture yourself fighting minus your guiding instruments.' He had added helpfully.  
  
Heero had pondered the advice long and hard. He wasn't fond of talking, had always let his sentiments be known through his actions. He wasn't sure he could express how he felt through his voice alone. What he wanted to do was to pull his partner into his arms and never let go again. But he knew that if he attempted to do that Duo would think he was being attacked.  
  
And was his touch even welcome at this point? He gazed at Duo, unable to voice the bleakness inside him.  
  
Duo shifted, feeling the stare and not knowing what it meant. Dammit! He needed to see Heero's eyes.  
  
Seeing the desperate vulnerability flash through Duo's features, Heero thought his partner had taken Shin's dire warning to heart. That, added to the fact that Duo actually believed he would try to kill him, made Heero's heart twist painfully. Did Duo no longer trust him? He bit his lip, closing his eyes briefly as the tension and anxiety of the last few days threatened to overwhelm him. "I'm not going to hurt you!" He said in a low, intense voice.  
  
Duo stilled. His blindness had forced a new skill to develop- the ability to detect hidden meanings behind nuances of the spoken word. And at that moment, he heard nothing of Heero's usual aloofness. Rather, there was a wealth of weariness. And hurt. Somehow, he had hurt Heero Yuy. Duo swallowed, averting his face to hide his confusion at the sudden tug of guilt.  
  
**I have nothing to be guilty about!** He told that small voice fiercely.  
  
**And he does?**  
  
**--**  
  
**What did he do that was so wrong, Duo? ** The small voice pressed. **Is it his fault that you fell in love with him? Or that he can't return your feelings?**  
  
**SHUT UP!**  
  
**Why are you punishing him, Duo?**The small voice whispered. **Why?**  
  
"Heero-" Duo blurted out, needing to shut the voice up. He shrugged uncomfortably. "-look, whatever guilt trip the others have dumped on you, it's unnecessary, okay? I don't blame you for any of this."  
  
Silence.  
  
"I was stupid enough to let the bastard sneak up on me, that's all." Duo went on with a twist of his mouth. "Serves me right for getting distracted in the middle of a fight. Hell-"  
  
"I shouldn't have hit you."  
  
Duo's heart skipped a beat at the abrupt declaration. He swallowed. "Yeah, well, I shouldn't have let my big mouth run all over the place."  
  
Silence.  
  
"Look, just forget it, alright?" Duo said finally. "Pretend it was a bad joke, a really unfunny one."  
  
"It wasn't a joke." Heero told him strongly.  
  
Duo clamped his mouth shut. Why couldn't the man just let it go? Did he really enjoy seeing Duo bleed?  
  
"You believe I attacked you out of anger. Because you told me you loved me and I was - repelled by your declaration." Heero forced the words out, knowing they would hurt Duo, but knowing too, that the poison had to be forced out before the wound could begin to heal. He watched the other boy intently, wincing at the pain that flashed through the unseeing eyes.  
  
"You were wrong."  
  
The softly spoken words nevertheless rang with sincerity. Duo blinked.  
  
"I was trained to distrust emotions. Soldiers must maintain a clear focus on the mission. Decisions have to be based on logical assessment and evaluation. Too much ride on the choices we make to allow for impulsiveness. I cannot allow emotions to distract me, so I was trained to regard strong emotion as a threat to the mission." He paused. "When I met you and the others, I learned that not everyone could do the same as I do. And I learned that not all emotions were threats. I learned to accept the emotions of others- but I had to have time to disarm my defenses. You surprised me, Duo. I wasn't ready to hear that from you, and you know I do not respond well to surprises. My training took over."  
  
It figured, Duo thought a bit wildly, that a declaration of love would be considered sufficient threat for a decking where the Perfect Soldier was concerned.  
  
"I didn't mean to hurt you." Heero said in a low voice. His eyes searched Duo's profile anxiously for a hint of softening.  
  
Duo sifted through what probably amounted to the longest speech Heero had ever spoken to him, searching for- what? -he mocked himself. A declaration of undying love? It was an explanation. An apology. Pure and simple. He should have known from experience that Heero practiced plainspeak.  
  
"Duo, I-" I love you too.  
  
"It's done, Heero." Duo cut in quickly. It was enough that Heero had brought himself to apologize. He was delusional to expect more. He fought to keep the sadness from his voice. "Of course it hurt, but-" He shrugged, "I'm over that now." Liar, the small voice whispered. Duo ignored it and determinedly put on a cool front. "Besides, I have more important things to worry about."  
  
**I'm over that now.**  
  
Heero stared at him and wondered dully if this was what Duo had felt when he had punched him- this excruciating pain that came from having your heart splinter into a thousand pieces.  
  
"Heero."  
  
Heero realized Duo was holding out his hand.  
  
"Friends?" Duo's voice trembled slightly. It was hard, so hard, because for so long he had wanted more. But Heero couldn't give him what he wanted and that obnoxious voice was right. He had no call to punish Heero for his own folly.  
  
Heero stared at the outstretched hand, then slowly, he reached out to clasp it. "Friends." It was hard, so hard, because just when he had triumphed over his training and brought himself to accept his feelings for Duo, it was too late.  
  
Duo waited for the tightness in his throat to pass, then he asked. "So what now?"  
  
"What now?" Heero echoed. Then, forcing himself to focus, he continued. "We get you to Quatre's doctors and get your vision back on line."  
  
Duo frowned, his mouth pursing stubbornly. "It's not gonna do any good." He insisted. "Derek already got me the best he could find and look where it's got me."  
  
Heero straightened. "You shouldn't close the door to possibilities." He pointed out. "Quatre's doctors may find something the other doctors had missed."  
  
Duo couldn't argue with that. However, that didn't keep him from shaking his head vehemently. "No." He said flatly. "My eyes. My decision. No more false hopes."  
  
Heero forced himself to keep his temper. He'd forgotten how infuriating Duo could be once he'd set his mind. "Dr. G would never allow you to stay here." He said grimly. "If you refuse to return to your duties, he will have you executed for desertion."  
  
"My duties?" Duo's voice rose disbelievingly. "What duties? Heero, you honestly think Dr. G is going to let me anywhere near Deathscythe in my condition? In case you've missed it, pal- I'm blind. Blind! I'm finished as a Gundam pilot!" He shook his head, the grief at the loss of his Gundam rising inside him. "You think I want to desert Deathscythe? I don't have a choice!"  
  
"Yes, you do!" Forgetting himself, Heero lunged forward, catching Duo's arms and shaking him slightly. "You're Shinigami! No one can take that away from you. Deathscythe is your Gundam!"  
  
Duo shook his head.  
  
"Duo!" Heero injected all the force he could in that one word. "Listen to me- no, listen!" As Duo tried to shake him off. Duo stilled. "I know that in the past I've made light of your importance to the team. But these past weeks, I've come to realize that you are important. Not only to the team and the mission, but to me too." Heero knew he was in danger of exposing himself to Duo, but he found that he didn't care anymore. Duo may no longer care for him romantically, but Heero didn't want to lose the last thing they shared as well. Friendship. He knew he was being a selfish bastard, but he needed Duo in his life, whether as a lover, or a friend. He couldn't lose him. "You're important to me, Duo." He whispered. "You taught me everything I know about friendship. You taught me to be human. Without you, I don't think I can go on and still keep my sanity." Seeing the shock and sensing Duo wavering, Heero pressed. "I know I've not been a good friend, but I can change that. I want to change that. And I need you to teach me."  
  
Heero needed him? Duo fought to remember all the reasons why he had refused to return to the team. But with Heero so close, their breaths almost mingling, he was having a hard time thinking at all. And to hear those words from his mouth.he shuddered. It wasn't fair, he thought faintly, that the other boy should have so much power over him.  
  
"You need me?" He asked, bewildered and uncertain. There was always a chance the knock to his head had loosened vital clogs in his mind as well as blinding him and now, his sanity had truly given way.  
  
"I need you." Heero told him softly, the gentleness in his tone conveying his feelings.  
  
Duo closed his eyes. Don't put meaning where none is intended, he warned himself shakily. We've just been through that. However, Heero was too close, and he had missed the other boy's nearness for so long.Unbidden, his hands lifted to cup the Japanese boy's face tentatively.  
  
Heero froze. Duo was touching him. Touching him. Emotion pulsed through him and it was all he could do not to pull the other boy into his arms. Instead he forced himself to be still. Nothing short of death was going to break this moment. His eyes, however, devoured Duo hungrily.  
  
The soft, feather-light touch deepened as Duo felt Heero's mouth. "My coming back really is that important to you?" He asked softly.  
  
"Yes." More than you'll ever know. Heero nodded slowly but strongly to add emphasis.  
  
Duo lowered his hands slowly.  
  
"Even if my eyes don't ever get well again?"  
  
"Yes." Heero said simply.  
  
His sincerity swamped Duo's senses, and his will crumbled. "Alright." He breathed.  
  
end Chap 15 


	16. chapter 16

Frozen Heart 16 by sage_libra (sage_libra@yahoo.com)  
  
Disclaimers: Don't own them.  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
"Alright."  
  
It wasn't until he heard that softly stated acquiescence that Heero realized how much the word meant to him. Only then did he realize that he had been afraid, no-terrified. Terrified that he was too late. That Duo had gone beyond forgiving him. That he had forever closed the door to reconciliation with Heero.  
  
He blinked back the sudden moisture that had filled his eyes and drew a shaky breath. "Good." was all he could utter for fear of betraying the extent of his relief.  
  
'Good' Duo shook his head inwardly, a small sardonic smile curving his mouth. I just threw my heart back into the line of fire for you, Heero, and all you can say is 'Good'. He let out a deep breath. What did you expect, Duo? He asked himself. He's already told you he wants your friendship- and that has got to have gone against the grain. You know how hard it is to get any declaration of need or weakness from Heero Yuy. Stop pushing your luck. You chose to give it a second chance, well, here it is. Start dealing again.  
  
"Duo?" Heero suffered a pang at the sadness that crossed the mobile features. Are you regretting this already, Duo?  
  
Duo shook his head slightly. "I'm fine." He said. "I'm fine." He repeated more decisively, dredging up a ghost of a grin. "Just trying to imagine myself piloting Deathscythe without my eyes. Hey, maybe Dr. G can make me a neural visor like the one in the sci-fi movies? There's an old movie where one of the characters was born blind, but the scientists made him an electronic replacement that allowed him to be become one of the damn best engineers in the galaxy." His grin grew as he warmed to the idea. Hell, if the scientists could create five walking death machines, then fixing him up with a neural visor shouldn't pose much of a problem, right? And with a neural visor enabling him to 'see', he would be soon reunited with Deathscythe. Real excitement shot through him at the prospect.  
  
Heero swallowed the aching lump in his throat at the poignant effort at light-heartedness. "You will see again, Duo." He promised, his tone slightly ragged with suppressed feeling. "Quatre has sworn it, and he doesn't make promises lightly."  
  
Duo's grin wavered, then firmed, morphing into a wan smile. "I trust Quatre to do everything humanly possible, Heero. And I'm grateful whatever happens. But it's been 2 months-"  
  
"I don't care if it takes 2 years, Duo." Heero interjected bluntly. "I won't give up. And neither will you." His tone warned against anyone-even Duo himself, casting doubt on the outcome.  
  
Duo's smile widened. This single-minded-to-the-point-of-obsession Heero he recognized. "It's not going to be easy." He warned, recalling with trepidation the adjustments Derek and Jason had had to make for his sake.  
  
"Nothing worth having ever is." Heero wasn't only referring to Duo's eyes, however. He was going to win Deathscythe's pilot. It was only a matter of time. And he wasn't lying. If it took two years or twenty, he was determined to bind Duo to his side for good. The promise of a lifetime basking in the warmth of Duo's smile was reason enough. Mission accepted. Slowly, the tight knot in Heero's gut began to unravel as he allowed himself to believe that Duo really was coming back to him. Really coming back to him. His eyes gleamed.  
  
"Yeah." Duo's voice trailed off a tad uncertainly. Then the irony of the scene struck and he couldn't help a small laugh. "I never knew you could be so optimistic." Nor had he ever thought that he would have allowed his never-say-die spirit to get so battered.  
  
Heero stared at him, mesmerized by the sound. God, he had missed Duo's laughter.  
  
A knock on the door checked Duo's laughter and Quatre's tentative voice filtered in. "Hey, guys, can we come in now?" At Heero's positive response, the other pilots slipped in, taking their former positions around the room.  
  
Duo cocked his head. Now that he was fully alert, he found himself listening intently to the sounds of movement, mentally placing them in his mental blueprint of his room. He frowned. He recognized Dr. G's steps. Quatre's voice gave his position away. But Trowa and Wufei were nowhere. Duo's brow knotted with concentration. He knew the two pilots had to have entered his room together with Quatre, so where were they? His frown deepened as unease crept down his spine. He needed to know where they were.  
  
The realization that he was a hair's breadth away from calling out in order to get verbal confirmation of their positions made him pause. 'Fei and Trowa were trained assassins. They all were. Stealth was second nature to them. Of course he couldn't hear them.  
  
And that realization brought his budding optimism crashing back to the ground. Having Heero telling him that he needed him. Having him so close. It had blinded him to the realities of his circumstances.  
  
They were his friends. His family. They wanted him back, and he had agreed because in his heart, he wanted them back in his life too. And in that moment, he had overlooked one very important issue.  
  
It was one thing to want to have him around, quite another to actually have him around. To having to actually deal with his condition. Suddenly, his mind was flooded by scenarios and a cold fist clenched around his heart. It had taken immense patience and effort on the Wallises side to adapt to having a handicapped person around. It had been just as difficult for him to get used to having people move around him without feeling threatened or inept. God, how was he going to manage it with the other pilots when he couldn't even hear them? Panic started building inside.  
  
**Get a hold of yourself, Maxwell!** He chided himself, struggling to pull himself together.  
  
"Duo?" Heero had noticed the sudden shift of his mood.  
  
Duo swallowed. Forced a grin. "I'm fine." The two words were rapidly becoming his mantra.  
  
He trusted them, but he couldn't let himself relax around them. He needed to know where they all were with respect to his position. It was the first lesson his blindness had taught him- to be aware at all times of his surroundings. Never be caught by surprise. Never let his guard down. It was the only way to avoid tripping, falling, or bumping every time he moved. Experience had taught him that people tended to forget that he was blind, and if he didn't watch out, he could get hurt easily.  
  
His heart sank as he realized the enormity of what he was about to undertake.  
  
Aquamarine eyes darted from his tense features to Heero. "Heero?" Quatre asked. The query seemed to address the general issues, but his eyes locked with Heero's meaningfully.  
  
**Have you told him how you really feel, Heero?**  
  
Heero shook his head slightly, his tone steady when he replied. "Duo is going back with us. Inform your team to get ready. We leave tomorrow."  
  
Quatre's disappointment on his behalf warred with joy and undeniable relief at the news. "That's great news, Duo!"  
  
Tomorrow? Duo's eyes widened, panic suddenly rearing its ugly head. "No, wait!" He turned to Heero. "Tomorrow's too soon. I can't just disappear, Heero. I have – things- I need to attend to." The unit. Mrs. C. Jason. Derek. His sudden misgivings.  
  
Heero frowned. "Risk of exposure increases the longer we stay, Duo."  
  
"I know that." Duo bit his lip, his hand reaching up instinctively to grasp his braid. It was a nervous habit he had when he was wrestling with a difficult issue. Heero's heart twisted painfully when Duo's hand clenched around empty air and the pixie features tightened. Duo lowered his hand with a heavy sigh. "Look, maybe we need to slow down a bit." He said finally.  
  
Heero stared at his averted face, unable to believe what he was hearing. "What?" He bit out.  
  
Duo flinched, stiffening instinctively. There was no mistaking the anger radiating from the other boy, and suddenly remembering Heero's tendency to hit before he thought, Duo braced himself.  
  
"Heero." Quatre said warningly.  
  
But Heero was already regretting his outburst. His eyes dark with self- castigation, he moved swiftly to make amends. Ignoring the wide-eyed looks of the others, he cupped Duo's face, gently forcing the other boy to 'look' at him.  
  
"Duo, listen to me." He said, his tone quietly intense. "I swear to you now, on my honor- I will never raise my hand against you. I'll rant and rave and lose my temper, but I will never hurt you like that again. No matter what. I swear it, Duo." He went on, his voice becoming a touch ragged. "Just-don't be afraid of me. Please."  
  
Duo was transfixed by the plea, and the emotion behind it. "Heero..."  
  
Heero stared at the wonder in his face, the blossoming trust, and something in his heart loosened. Duo had forgiven him. Had truly forgiven him. Too overcome to speak, Heero drew Duo closer, resting their foreheads together for an interminable moment.  
  
Quatre turned shining eyes on Trowa, who grinned at him gently.  
  
The sound of Dr. G pointedly clearing his throat broke the mood and reluctantly, Heero drew away from Duo.  
  
"Your point, Duo?" Dr. G asked gravely.  
  
Duo chewed his lip, then plunged ahead. "I think you need a few days to understand what being around me really entails." He replied quietly.  
  
"Duo-" Quatre began.  
  
"Q, hear me out, please?" Duo cut him off. "All I'm asking is that you spend three days here with me. Just so everyone has a better idea what we're dealing with."  
  
"Why can't we deal with it at the safehouse?" Wufei queried, genuinely puzzled.  
  
Duo tried to grin, but it wavered and faded. "So that when you decide it's more than you can deal with, you wouldn't have to bother bringing me back here." The words were spoken softly.  
  
Quatre stared. When, not if. His heart twisted painfully.  
  
But his pain couldn't compare with the ache Heero felt. What will it take, Duo, to win your trust again?  
  
"Dr. G?" Duo's voice held a plea for understanding.  
  
Dr. G gazed contemplatively at his pilot, then at the gathered boys. He shook his head. He understood what Duo wanted. Needed. However, what Duo didn't understand yet was the strength of the other pilots' determination to get him back. It was something, he decided, that Duo needed to discover on his own.  
  
"Three days, Duo." He said finally. "Not a minute more." He speared Heero with a glance. "I expect a full report." He rose.  
  
"You're leaving?" Quatre asked.  
  
Dr. G nodded. "I already have the answers I came here for." He turned to Duo. "I'll be waiting, Duo."  
  
Duo nodded. "Thanks, Dr. G."  
  
"Don't thank me yet." Dr. G told him bluntly.  
  
The ominous words hung over the group long after the scientist had left.  
  
Quatre gazed around the room and put on a determined smile. "Well, I think this calls for a celebration, don't you?" He got up. "Hope you're hungry guys, 'coz we are going to have a feast."  
  
"Q?" Duo held out a hand to Quatre's direction. "Could I talk to you for a while?"  
  
Quatre beamed his agreement, and Trowa, seeing his joy, loosed a rare grin. "Why don't I take care of dinner?" Quatre shot him a grateful smile, reward enough on Trowa's book as he sauntered out noiselessly.  
  
Wufei paused at the door, glancing back at Duo. "Maxwell, I-"  
  
"Don't sweat it, Wuffles." Duo forestalled him with a wave of his hand. "I get it." Forgiveness and understanding glimmered in the violet depths.  
  
Wufei's eyes slid to Heero, who held the dark gaze steadily. Like Duo, Heero understood Wufei's reasons for attacking Duo. However, unlike Duo, Heero wasn't quite ready to forgive and forget. Wufei read the silent promise in Heero's hard stare and nodded his acknowledgement of it. There would be no further attempts on his part on Duo's life, whether or not the latter's vision came back.  
  
It was Heero's turn to leave. Gazing at his partner, he had to fight the urge to throw caution to the winds and pull him into his arms. But he tempered the urge, knowing that Duo wasn't ready. It doesn't matter, he told himself. He can wait. He'd wait for as long as it took. First things first, however. Duo had thrown down the gauntlet, challenging his ability to deal with Duo's blindness. He accepted the challenge readily, his newfound sensitivity clueing him in. He had to prove himself to Duo. That was, in truth, whether or not Duo admitted it to himself, what these three days were about.  
  
"Three days, Duo." He said quietly. "Three days to test my promise. Give it all you've got." He allowed himself to brush back the unruly chestnut bangs. "But afterwards," His voice dropped huskily. "afterwards, you won't have any more excuses to hide behind."  
  
His words, his tone made Duo shiver, something inside him leaping in response. Heero was gone before he could formulate a reply, the door closing behind him with a purposely audible click.  
  
Quatre absorbed the bemusement on the gamine face with unashamed glee.  
  
"Since when did he start talking in riddles anyway?" Duo muttered, coloring with embarrassment at the Arabian's chuckle.  
  
"Oh I don't know, Duo." Quatre teased mischievously. "His meaning sounded pretty clear to me."  
  
"As mud." Duo shot back, embarrassment turning to irritation. Heero's unusual responses were driving him crazy. The touches, the intensity of his words, the promises...it was almost as if- but that was impossible, he told himself firmly. Heero was not in love with him. It was more likely guilt rearing its ugly head, he nodded to himself. After everything had been said and done, Heero was his partner. Undoubtedly, the Wing pilot blamed himself for Duo's condition and was trying to make up for it by being extra nice. Although, he shivered again, any more of this 'niceness' and he would be insane as well as blind.  
  
-end Chapter 16  
  
author's note: just a bit more. patience, please. 


	17. chapter 17

Frozen Heart 17 by sage_libra (sage_libra@yahoo.com)  
  
Quatre gazed fondly at his best friend. There was a familiar petulant pout on Duo's lips, a sulky glint in his eyes, and inwardly, Quatre rejoiced to see those. This was the Duo he knew and loved. He reached out, clasping the other's hand and squeezing it firmly.  
  
"I missed you, Duo." He said simply.  
  
Duo's features softened, the masks he hid behind becoming superflous in the face of the Arabian pilot's compassion and sincerity. He didn't need to be strong, or brash, or loud around Quatre. The latter's space heart saw right through every facade anyway. And guess what- it didn't matter. Quatre accepted him- neuroses and all. It was a precious gift.  
  
"Same here, buddy." He returned with a heartfelt smile.  
  
"I know." Quatre informed him with a knowing expression. He had had his doubts, but after encountering Shin, he knew they had been right to find Duo. Duo needed them, wanted them. Why else would he have programmed their personalities into his supercomputer?  
  
It had been slightly disconcerting at first, he admitted to himself.  
  
After ascertaining that they meant Duo no harm, or at least, Quatre amended as an afterthought, no further harm, Shin had begun interrogating them about their intentions with regards its master. It had been an interesting, as well as an enlightening experience. Shin's myriad personalities had shone through, alerting him to the supercomputer's true nature. He had easily discerned Wufei's no-nonsense bluntness, Trowa's unflappable pragmatism, his own careful planning, and hell, even Heero's single-minded devotion to duty. It had been a distressing realization. Duo had not only meant Shin to be a guide and security system. Shin had been programmed to take their place as friends and companions.  
  
Well, not if Quatre had anything to say about it. He was not about to fade graciously into the background without a fight.  
  
His eyes narrowed, a martial gleam entering it as he recalled the nerve- wracking anxiety Duo's disappearance had subjected them to. "Although I really ought to be shaking some sense into you." He went on. "What in Allah's name were you thinking of, Duo?" He allowed a sliver of hurt anger creep into his voice. "How could you think that we'd throw you out just because you've been injured?"  
  
Duo winced at the hurt in the gentle tones. Damn. Had it been anyone else taking him to task over his desertion, he would have responded with a flippant evasion. Or at worst, a sarcastic diversion guaranteed to lead the confrontation to safer channels. However, this was Quatre, and Quatre's unstinting compassion and sensitivity had always made obfuscating extraordinarily difficult.  
  
He touched his eyes. "In case you haven't noticed Q, this is not a minor injury." It was a weak attempt at prevarication, and one that predictably, Quatre plowed right through with ease.  
  
"Bullshit." Quatre returned succintly.  
  
Duo's jaw fell. Quatre rarely, if ever, resorted to crudeness. Hell, Duo, this time you've really pissed him off.  
  
"You've been hurt worse, Duo." Quatre told him bluntly. "You've been beaten to within an inch of your life. Tortured almost to the point of death. You've never given up before. You knew you could die in the line of duty. That we might have to let you die to complete a mission, just as we're all of us ready to die. How could you think that caring for a handicapped you could be worse than having to bury you?" He warmed to his topic, allowing the pent-up upset to come through. In front of the other pilots, he had had to maintain a façade of conciliatory peace. He had had to support and defend Duo. However, now that there was only the two of them, he allowed his own anger and sense of betrayal to bleed. He didn't have to be the gentle pilot or the crafty strategist. He can be just him- a guy who had almost lost his best friend due to the latter's insecurities. He can be indignant and outraged. And he knew Duo would understand.  
  
There was no need for masks in their friendship.  
  
"You know I have the resources to help you." He went on, careful to keep his voice down, but making sure that Duo heard every word. "You know that I would move heaven and earth to help you recover your eyesight. And still you chose to stay away." He swallowed. "You almost forced Wufei to kill you, Duo, do you know that? That would have killed him too, but he would have done it because he didn't think he had any other choice."  
  
"Quatre-" Duo breathed.  
  
"Do you know that Heero put his life on the line for you?" Quatre pressed. "He swore he wouldn't fly Wing if Dr. G allowed your execution. That he wouldn't accept any other partner aboard Deathscythe." His voice fell. "You never believed that Heero cared for you as anything more than another pilot. But he would have died for you, Duo. Tell me," He paused meaningfully. "what else does he have to do to prove that he loves you?"  
  
Duo bit his lip, closing his eyes. Every word ripped into him, forcing him to re-evaluate his actions from their viewpoint. God, had he really been so wrong, so selfish? And Heero- he swallowed convulsively. You're an idiot, Yuy. I'm not worth it.  
  
"I'm s-sorry." He got out with difficulty, his breath hitching.  
  
"Duo." A firm tug and he was being wrapped in a pair of strong arms. "You idiot." Quatre said roughly against his hair. "I didn't tell you all these to make you feel bad. We don't want your apology. We don't need it. What we want is you." He dropped a quick kiss on top of the chestnut curls. "Remember, whatever happens, no matter how your eyes turn out, no one is going to think less of you. You're still Shinigami, the God of Death. Don't ever doubt that. I don't care if you never sit behind Deathscythe again, in my heart you'd still be Duo Maxwell, and you'll still be my best friend."  
  
Duo clutched at his friend, shuddering, shaken by the depth of Quatre's faith. The warmth of the Arabian's affection seeped through to the bone- deep weariness in his heart and wrapped it in its healing embrace.  
  
"You'll never lose me again, Quatre." He whispered finally. "Not if I can help it. That's a Maxwell promise."  
  
Quatre drew back. "And that's stronger than Gundanium." He finished with a grin. The responding smile from Duo was watery at best, but it was the reignited light in the amethyst eyes that told him he had regained his best friend. Relief washed through him like a tide. "If you ever put me through that again, Duo," He searched for suitable punishment. "I'll-I'll shave the rest of your hair off while you're sleeping!"  
  
Laughter burst out of Duo, a surprised, carefree sound. A welcome sound.  
  
Quatre couldn't resist. At the risk of courting Heero's jealousy if he ever found out how 'touchy' he and Duo were in private, he reached out and enveloped his friend in a bear hug. "Welcome back, Duo." He murmured softly.  
  
"It's good to be back, Q." Duo replied, his heart in the tight squeeze he gave Quatre.  
  
-o0o-  
  
"Max can't eat that." The computer's tone was matter-of-fact, but nobody missed the impatience hovering behind it. "He won't eat anything that requires a knife to slice."  
  
Trowa hastily squelched a grin as Heero's face darkened with menace. They were preparing dinner, and Shin was 'overlooking' their preparations. So far, Heero had suggested a number of dishes that Duo loved, and every one had been shot down. It had vetoed pasta (How do you expect Max to twirl the noodles around his fork?), fried chicken (You want Max to wrestle with the wretched fowl on the dinner table?), and now, lamb chops.  
  
"We'll debone it and cut it to bite-size pieces." Trowa spoke up soothingly, thrust in the role of mediator. It really was amazing, he reflected amusedly, how Duo had brought his computer to life. If he didn't know better, he could have sworn there was a real person hiding inside the mainframe. In fact, if he didn't know better, he was even ready to believe the computer was more than a little put out with Heero.  
  
After all, there had to be a reason why Shin insisted on criticizing every suggestion Heero made. It even persisted on calling Duo by his alias, when it had to have processed by now that Max was in fact, Duo. He glanced at the closed bedroom door and hoped that Quatre would make an appearance soon. Wufei had, upon discerning the brewing battle for ownership in the kitchen, wisely bowed out of the fray, and he didn't think he was strong enough to singly prevent Heero from ripping the wires out of the mainframe when pushed too far.  
  
Privately, he found Duo's computer amusing. Not that he was stupid enough to say so aloud. He was also smart enough to acknowledge that his amusement stemmed from not bearing the brunt of the computer's displeasure. He almost had to admire Heero's efforts to contain his infamous temper. It was further proof of his devotion to Deathscythe's pilot.  
  
"Fine." Shin acquiesced grudgingly, then added as an afterthought. "Not well-done, mind you. Derek always prepared Max's meat semi-rare. He prefers it just this side of bloody."  
  
Trowa could almost hear Heero's teeth grinding and winced in sympathy. Shin seemed to take special delight in bringing up Derek's name with every other sentence. It especially relished regaling them with how well Derek took care of Duo, and how much Duo enjoyed Derek's uncomplicated company. To hear Shin say it, Derek was an unhaloed saint. He had inexhaustible patience (you wouldn't believe how difficult Max can be when he's in a shitty mood), bottomless compassion (why, he's everyone's agony aunt in the building!), superior intelligence (yeah, he helped Max in laying-out this unit, and even had a hand in my faultless programming), and unarguable good looks (a regular Adonis, smugly).  
  
"Heero," Trowa sent the other pilot a speaking look. "this will be ready in a few minutes. I'll take care of it. Go get Duo and Quatre."  
  
"And kindly make sure there's nothing lying around where it shouldn't be." Shin chimed in relentlessly. "Max isn't used to skirting around other people's clutter. Derek always makes it a point to keep things neat around here."  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed, his fists clenching. He knew the computer was baiting him, but the knowledge did little to mollify the jealousy eating at his heart. Derek, Derek, Derek. Just how much of Duo's life and heart did the absent man occupy?  
  
It doesn't matter, he told himself, regulating his breathing in the hopes of calming himself. Derek didn't matter. Duo was going home with him. He'd already won. Time enough to gradually eradicate the other man from Duo's thoughts. He just hoped, for Derek's sake, that the latter stayed away for the next three days. He sincerely doubted he'd be able to maintain his civility if the other man attempted to lay claim to his partner.  
  
"Heero, go." Trowa nudged the bristling pilot out of the kitchen. Waiting until Heero was out of earshot, he turned on the supercomputer. "Driving Heero away isn't going to make Duo any happier."  
  
The computer snorted. "Max was perfectly fine until you people came along." It shot back immediately. "Since your appearance he has been wounded and his emotional responses have become highly erratic. Your presence doesn't seem to be conducive to his mental stability or his physical health. My duty is to keep Max in optimal condition and you are in my way."  
  
"And Derek doesn't threaten your parameters of Duo's optimum condition?"  
  
"Obviously not."  
  
"Well," Trowa stepped away from the oven, removing his apron with an economy of movement. "that's exactly why Duo is better off with us." He smirked. "We at least make him remember how it is to be alive."  
  
-o0o-  
  
**I can do this.**  
  
They were all seated around the dinner table, and Duo could feel the other pilots' eyes on him. Waiting. At that moment, he was thankful that he had remembered to put on the tiny sonic receiver in his left ear, thereby allowing Shin to communicate with him directly. It would have been doubly humiliating for Shin to have to say direct him out loud for all the others to hear. As it was, he was blushing slightly even as he paid attention while Shin pointed out the placements of the food in front of him.  
  
Finally, he was ready. He took a deep breath.  
  
**Here we go then.**  
  
"Dig in." He said, lifting his fork and spoon and proceeding to eat with careful deliberation.  
  
Quatre kept the conversation going, and everyone did his part to maintain a semblance of normality. Duo divided his attention between marking the areas of his plate he had eaten from, joining the conversation, and watching out for Shin's reminders in his ear. Fortunately, Heero's shot had been aimed only to unbalance, not to injure, and thus he hadn't lost the use of his arm. It throbbed dully as a reminder to be wary, but Duo had received far worse injuries before to be bothered by it.  
  
Heero ate mechanically, hardly tasting the food he placed in his mouth. It was just food- fuel his body needed to function. Duo had once quipped that Heero could be served roots and he'd savor it the same way he would a serving of roast beef. Heero had responded with a withering glare at Duo's messy plate.  
  
However, Duo's plate wasn't messy now. As Heero watched, Duo ate with orderly precision; his movements carefully controlled. In fact, starting from the moment Duo had stepped out of his room, all his movements had had the likeness of a smoothly oiled mecha. Coordinated, careful, controlled.  
  
Controlled. The word left a bitter taste on Heero's mouth. Duo was the least controlled person he knew. His whole body spoke for him. His hands gesturing wildly in time with his mouth. Long braid tossing about as he scooted from one side to the other. Duo was energy in motion. Electric. Alive.  
  
Watching him forcefully curbing his nature, restraining himself, it hurt. Watching him locked up in a cage of his own making, a cage borne out of necessity and circumstance, it hurt.  
  
It hurt.  
  
Heero wanted to whip out a key that would release the other boy from that cage. That darkness. He wanted to set Duo free. Wanted, with a desire that shook him, to watch the exuberant spirit dancing around the room again. The need burned inside him, a flame that won't be quenched until it had been realized.  
  
Across the table, his eyes met Quatre's and he saw in the blue-green depths a similar determination. Quatre nodded, a small smile easing the sadness in his eyes.  
  
"Damn." The harsh whisper had Heero's eyes darting with lightning speed towards the head of the table.  
  
Duo was kneading the right side of his temple, his face screwed up in an expression of undeniable pain.  
  
"Duo, what's wrong?" Heero was at his side instantly, crouching down beside his ailing partner.  
  
"Migraine." Shin answered. "He always gets them when he overexerts himself. His pills are on the cupboard."  
  
"I'm fine." Duo growled out, blinking rapidly. Multitasking had never been his problem before. But now, having to constantly keep his guard up, especially with people around, and still act normally, bled him dry. He hated appearing weak in front of his teammates, however, and had refrained from saying anything when the headache had started. Until now, when it felt as though every movement drove a drill through his skull. "I'm fine." He repeated through gritted teeth. He forced his hand away from his pounding temple, reaching out to grasp his glass of water. However, a sudden stab of hot pain shot behind his eyes, and he jerked uncontrollably. His hands swept sideways, and the glass flew, shattering as it hit the floor. "Goddammit!" He exploded, stumbling out of his chair and away from the table.  
  
"Duo!" Heero caught him as he swayed, guiding him to the couch and sitting him down, his arms firmly around his partner's shoulders. "Lean back." He instructed tersely, his mouth a thin line as Duo complied. The Deathscythe pilot was pale, his eyes closed, his brow scrunched up in a tight frown as he struggled to rise above the pain. "Computer, how long do his migraines last?"  
  
"Variable." Shin replied promptly, their mutual concern for Duo overriding their antipathy. "He needs to relax. His meds help keep it manageable, but sleep is best."  
  
"Here." Trowa held out a couple of pills and a glass of water.  
  
Duo allowed Heero to help him down the pills, in too much pain to contest being treated like an invalid.  
  
"How do you feel, Duo?" Quatre queried anxiously. He knew about migraines, having seen his sisters battle through the condition on a regular basis.  
  
"Like a herd of elephants had decided to do the cha-cha in my brain." Duo gasped out hoarsely.  
  
"Bed." Heero ordered, his eyes never leaving Duo's white face. He would have pulled Duo to his feet, but Quatre's hand on his arm stayed him.  
  
"Careful, Heero." Quatre cautioned. "Sudden movement and loud sounds will be particularly painful to him." And bright lights, he almost said before his brain caught up with his mouth and he bit the words back.  
  
Heero nodded. Mindful of surprising Duo, he leaned in to speak softly. "Duo, I'm going to carry you to your room now. You need to rest." He waited until Duo nodded slightly, then slid his arms around his partner's slight figure and gently raised him from the couch. The movement, slight as it was, tore a soft whimper from Duo, and a tic jumped in Heero's cheek. "Hold on." He murmured and carrying Duo with as much care as though the latter was fragile glass, he headed for Duo's bedroom.  
  
Duo leaned his head against Heero's strong shoulder, breathing in his scent and taking comfort from his warmth. He sighed, almost happy in spite of the rippling pain the action caused.  
  
Too soon, at least for Duo, Heero was laying him down on the soft covers. However, before he could move away, Duo found the courage through the haze in his brain to hang on to his neck. Quickly, before he lost his nerve, he pressed a chaste kiss against the other's lips.  
  
"Thank you, Heero." He murmured drowsily. A fleeting caress against the curve of Heero's jaw, and Duo released him, sinking into the mattress and closing his eyes with a blissful sigh. He was asleep in seconds.  
  
Heero took in the tousled features, his expression filled with bemused wonder. Will you never cease to surprise me, Shinigami? The imprint of Duo's lips remained warm against his own, and Heero savored the memory, wrapping it carefully in his heart and mind. Gently, he tucked his partner in, making sure Duo was comfortable and secured. Finally, he stepped back from the bed, his eyes caressing the slumbering figure with a tenderness no one had ever witnessed before.  
  
"If you break his heart," Shin's quiet voice filtered through the room. "I will find some way to ensure you suffer through the rest of your miserable life."  
  
For the first time, Heero's eyes flickered with approval for the offensive program.  
  
"Agreed."  
  
-end Chapter 17  
  
author's note: hurray for public holidays! how else could I have finished this chapter so soon? ( 


	18. chapter 18

Frozen Heart 18 by sage_libra (sage_libra@yahoo.com)  
  
Duo woke gradually; his mouth cottony and his mind clouded. Blinking blearily, he sorted through his memories, grimacing slightly as he recalled the previous night.  
  
"Way to go, Maxwell." He muttered sourly. However, upon reflection, he concluded that last night's disaster pretty much fit in with his general objective, which was to illustrate what having him around entailed. After all, he acknowledged darkly, last night's performance promised to become a staple once he moved back with the other pilots. He shuddered. He did not look forward to having to familiarize himself with each new safehouse. Nor could he begin to imagine what it would be like, surrounded day in and day out with people and movable objects. The enormity of the undertaking made his stomach twist with painful anxiety.  
  
"You will see again...if it takes two years or twenty..." Heero's words rang in his ear, and Duo let out a shaky breath. He wanted so badly to believe in the words, in the emotions he thought he heard in Heero's voice. But he didn't dare. Simply, he couldn't wrap his mind around the concept of a Heero Yuy caring so deeply about him. It was a fantasy as real and attainable as world peace and eternal youth. You dreamed about it, craved it with every fiber, but you don't really expect it to happen.  
  
And if it did...he shivered, remembering the softness of Heero's mouth against his. The warmth of his arms. He shook his head almost vehemently.  
  
He couldn't take that risk. Once already he had gambled on Heero's emotions for him and he'd lost. Rather splendidly in fact, he admitted with a wry twist of his mouth. That had almost destroyed him. And now, if he allowed himself to believe only to lose again...his mind shied away from the thought.  
  
Even survivors had limits. Points beyond which there was no turning back.  
  
So let's just be friends, right? Duo contemplated the concept of a platonic friendship with the Perfect Soldier and discovered once again that gnawing ache in the region of his heart. And with that discovery the realization of how badly he had needed the illusion. He needed Heero, he admitted finally. Needed. Wanted. Loved. And sooner or later, that need was going to drive them back to square one- namely, with Heero's fist connecting against his jaw and him on his ass.  
  
**So, what now, Duo?**  
  
'Yeah, Duo, what now?' Duo sighed. He knew what he should do. He should sit Heero down and tell him straight up that his feelings for him hadn't changed one bit. That in the long run he wouldn't be able to be 'just friends' with the Perfect Soldier. That for the good of everyone, he should just disappear. It wasn't even about his eyes, he acknowledged sadly. Perhaps it never had been. Heero's feelings for him weren't hinged on his health or skills as a pilot. It wouldn't be fair to force the other boy to tolerate- he winced at the word – his infatuation.  
  
And yet, he also knew what he wanted to do. He wanted his 'family' around him. He needed their friendship and support, needed the purpose that being a Gundam pilot provided him, and most of all needed the presence of Heero in his life. Whether as a lover – he blushed – or even just as a friend, for however long it lasted.  
  
**Dammit, Duo...you just had to get yourself into this mess, didn't you?** Duo sighed yet again, the warning throb at the back of his eyes warning him to give the thinking a rest. He sat up gingerly. Years on the street and as a Gundam pilot had dramatically increased his tolerance to physical pain, and he easily pushed his myriad discomforts to the back of his mind. Besides, it wasn't the physical pain that bothered him.  
  
"Duo. What's wrong?"  
  
He jumped, startled. He hadn't even felt the other boy's presence in his room. He flushed, trying to recall frantically if he'd voiced out his earlier thoughts. "What are you doing here?" He winced at the snap in his voice as his defenses slammed down. No, it wasn't the physical pain that got to him. It was that voice, soft and deep, and full of promises he didn't dare trust in. He bit his lip.  
  
"I wanted to make sure you were alright." Heero paused, debating whether to ask about the sighs. Duo had sounded so forlorn. And lying on the hard floor, barely two feet from him, Heero had had to struggle against the urge to get up and join the other boy on the bed. To wrap his arms around his partner and chase away the sadness. Soon, Duo, he promised silently. "How do you feel?"  
  
There was an unmistakable hint of concern in his voice that made Duo feel about three inches tall for his curtness.  
  
"I'm fine." He said instead, guilt making his voice soft. "You stayed all night? On the floor?" Knowing perfectly well he had, Duo's guilt grew. "You shouldn't have." He went on. "I have a perfectly adequate guest room. You couldn't have been comfortable on the floor, even with blankets."  
  
Heero wondered, with a pang, how much longer he would have to hear Duo insist that he was fine when he was obviously not. He found that he missed the former Duo- the Duo that would have made no bones about his discomfort or displeasure. That Duo, for all his noise and whining, had been honest. He sighed.  
  
"I wanted to stay." He replied calmly. He glanced at the window, noting the darkness outside. The sun was only about to begin making its presence felt. "It's still dark. You should be resting." The former Duo had loved nothing better than sleeping in.  
  
Duo shook his head. "Have a date with the sun." He had meant to be flippant. To lighten the air between them. However, the moment the words were out he colored, suddenly inexplicably shy about his morning ritual. He covered for it by busying himself with making up his bed.  
  
Heero watched him without comment. How often had he growled about Duo's untidiness when they were roommates? Only a full death glare had ever pushed the braided pilot to straighten his bedcovers. And now, watching as Duo methodically made up his bed, he was suddenly assailed by a sense of loss. For an instant, he almost felt as though the Duo before him was a stranger, and the Duo he knew and loved was somewhere far away. Beyond his grasp.  
  
Meanwhile, Duo was cursing himself as he prolonged the task as much as he was able. He just had to let slip about his morning habit, only to remember belatedly that he had guests. Guests who would doubtless find it curious, and who might just decide to ask the reason why. Hell, he snorted inwardly, even if they didn't come right out and ask, he knew they would wonder about it, would likely theorize about it. He cringed at the thought. No, he couldn't do it.  
  
Not here, at any rate.  
  
Finally, unable to pretend that there was even a single wrinkle on the covers, he straightened.  
  
"Er, Heero-" He began reluctantly.  
  
"Max, kindly remember your appointment with Jason this morning." Shin cut in smoothly.  
  
Duo caught on instantly. "Yeah, right." He blessed the interfering, manipulative supercomputer silently.  
  
"An appointment." Heero's tone was flatly disbelieving. "At 0400."  
  
Duo flushed. "We're early risers." He winced inwardly at the lameness of the excuse, but stuck with it anyway.  
  
We. Heero struggled against the hot flash of anger. He knew Duo didn't mean to imply anything by his statement, but still, it cut to be reminded that Duo had a life outside the Gundams and him. Grimly, he recalled Jason's blatant infatuation with Duo and his mouth tightened. Besides, he wasn't so naïve as to miss the obvious cover-up. Duo had mentioned a date with the sun. Somehow, he doubted Duo had meant Jason, so he had to have meant the sun literally. He frowned, striving to unlock this new mystery. Duo had mentioned the date casually, as though he did it habitually. And yet, there were flaws to the theory. One, and the most obvious, was the fact that Duo's blindness naturally kept him from 'seeing' the sun. What then was the point to the exercise? Secondly, even granting that he did like waiting for the sunrise, why try to keep it from the rest of the pilots? Why run to Jason when his own balcony was right there?  
  
"Really." Heero's voice was even.  
  
"Yeah." Duo couldn't help the trace of defensiveness that crept into his voice. He knew his excuse was full of holes, but he was simply loathe to have to expose yet another weakness. He began walking towards the door.  
  
Heero watched wordlessly as the door closed behind his partner. Slowly, his fingers curled into fists, nails digging painfully into flesh.  
  
It doesn't matter, he told himself repeatedly. Duo had already agreed to return to them. Whatever he shared with Jason and Derek Wallis, it hadn't been enough to hold him here.  
  
They were fighting words. And yet the pain radiating from his tightly clenched fists told him otherwise. It mocked his confidence. Why are you so upset, then, 01? It seemed to whisper. If you're so sure that you've won, why do you have this urge to start shooting? How certain are you, really?  
  
"He's mine." Heero hated this constant uncertainty, this almost compulsive need to remind himself that he had nothing to fear from the Wallises. That he didn't need to compete for Duo's attention. But the more he saw of Duo's life here, the more he realized that the Wallises were a threat. They had been there when Duo had begun restructuring his life around his blindness. They had been there to help him through the initial adjustments. They were part and parcel of his comfort zone.  
  
Whereas they- his real family, were relegated to the role of outsiders. Threats. Heero didn't have to be a genius to figure out that Duo's migraine had been largely due to the stress of maintaining a high level of alertness around them. Something that, apparently, he did without around the Wallises. His finger tightened around an imaginary trigger. He couldn't deny that he felt threatened, and he had only ever had one way of responding to the feeling.  
  
"My thoughts exactly." Shin spoke up smugly, letting him know on no uncertain terms that though the computer was willing to accept Duo's attachment to him, that didn't mean it intended to be eased out of Duo's life.  
  
Heero almost growled his frustration. Bad enough that he had to battle the Wallises' hold on Duo, but should he have to battle with an egoistic computer as well?  
  
-o0o-  
  
Duo sighed with relief when he made it to the Wallises' door without incident. For a moment there, he had thought that Heero was going to insist on accompanying him. He was also grateful that the other pilots had at least deigned to use his guestroom instead of camping out in the living room. It would have been damned awkward trying to maneuver quietly around trained Gundam pilots who had hair-trigger reflexes.  
  
Reaching into his pocket, he took out the card key and slipped it into the slot. A faint beep and the door slid open. It was ridiculous and totally unfair, but the moment Duo stepped through the doorway, he felt immediately lighter, his worries about the other pilots falling away to be left outside the door. He let out a deep breath and made his way confidently through to the balcony. He knew the layout of the Wallis unit as well as he did his own, and aside from a bad moment when he bumped into an out-of-place couch; the maneuver towards the balcony was relatively simple. He sent a mental note of gratitude to Derek, who he knew made a point of keeping things in order in deference to his condition. Not that he came often. Since owning his own unit the Wallis brothers had become his guests more often than vice versa. But still, it was heartwarming to find out that Derek still kept the place the same way, just in case Duo decided to drop by.  
  
Or, he amended self-deprecatingly, a place to hide. Even for just a little while. He leaned against the railing, wrapped his fingers around the cool steel, and emptied his thoughts; concentrating on the gradual increase of warmth in and around him.  
  
Or at least, he tried to, considering how a pair of cobalt blue eyes persisted in filling up the empty space he visualized in his mind. The first two times he caught himself wondering what his partner was thinking of, he grasped the thoughts and shoved it behind the door. However, after the third time he finally gave up and admitted the truth. Heero had ruined his morning habit. Knowing that he was downstairs, waiting for him to come back tugged at Duo's concentration, making him restless. Since losing his sight this daily assignation with the sun had kept him anchored. Grounded. And yet now he almost wished the sun would hurry up so he could do what had to be done and go back to Heero.  
  
What was it the Derek had said about his fixation on sunrise? 'You're looking for something...a reason to go on...' Could it be that now with Heero seemingly within reach, he had found that something?  
  
The sound of footsteps broke into his musings and he straightened, coloring slightly. He recognized the tread. "Derek."  
  
"Howdy, stranger." was the affable response. "I thought I heard a noise in here."  
  
"Just me." Duo grinned. "You're up early."  
  
"I have a report to deliver later so I'm going to the clinic early today." Derek pulled up a chair beside Duo and sat down quietly. "So, what's up? Jason tells me you refused to see him yesterday."  
  
"My friends are here." Duo said after a moment's deliberation. "We talked." Well, they had done that too, after patching him up. But Duo had no intention of going there.  
  
"Ah." The drawn-out sound was reflective.  
  
There was no way to do this gradually, so Duo forged ahead with the truth. "I've decided to go back with them. Give it another go."  
  
"Ah." This time, the sound was quieter.  
  
"You think I'm being stupid." Duo winced at the plaintive note that entered his voice.  
  
"On the contrary, I think you're being very brave." Derek countered. "Not many people have the courage to pick up where they fell." He paused. "Has he talked to you about his feelings?" He was referring to Heero, of course. Trust the man to understand that it was the strength of his feelings for Heero that drew him back to the fold.  
  
Duo chose his words carefully. "We're friends." That much was true. Will always be true. Whatever happened, however their friendship turns out in the future, Heero will always be his friend. Just as he knew now without a doubt that in spite of Heero's exasperation and impatience with him before, the Wing pilot did consider him a friend. A good one.  
  
"Is that good enough for you?"  
  
Is it?  
  
"It's a start." He replied finally. "Maybe." Maybe.  
  
Regret glimmered for a long moment in Derek's eyes as he studied the younger man's profile. The rising sun threaded soft golden lights through Duo's chestnut brown hair, the gentle rays stroking his cheek and making his gamine features glow. What a truly beautiful young man, he thought regretfully, acknowledging in the privacy of his own heart the depth of his affection for Duo.  
  
"You do know that you will always have a place here? With us?" He said instead, stifling the ache around the region of his heart at the knowledge that Duo was leaving. Going back to the one he loved.  
  
"I know." Duo's gratitude was evident in the sparkle in his eyes. "Thanks man."  
  
"Don't mention it." Derek reached out to pull a lock of hair tellingly. "Remember to keep us updated on what's happening with you." He paused. "And Max, if he doesn't treat you right, just come back to us."  
  
To me.  
  
Duo's throat threatened to clog up. He swallowed the lump with difficulty. "I will." He promised. "Gods, I don't deserve you guys." Not after all the lies and trouble he had put them through.  
  
"Believe me, Max, you do."  
  
For an instant Duo thought for sure he'd heard something in the quiet voice. But the moment passed and he let it go. Not without regret, but with certainty that it was the right thing to do. 'Max' was leaving Derek, but the latter would at least have the memory of a troubled young man he had befriended, instead of an unstable killer who directly or indirectly had had a hand in the death of someone he had loved.  
  
The companionable silence lasted until they heard the unmistakable sounds of Jason moving about.  
  
"He's going to miss you something terrible." Derek remarked at length, unfolding his body from the chair.  
  
"He'll be fine." Duo assured him with a small grin. "In another month or so he'll be raving about a hot new classmate."  
  
Just then, Jason spotted them and called out an excited greeting.  
  
Derek couldn't keep the smirk from his voice. "I hope you're right, but I doubt it." He clasped Duo's shoulder. "Take care of yourself, Max."  
  
"Max!" Jason bounded out to the balcony, barely restraining himself from glomping Duo. Derek shook his head at the eager puppy that his younger brother was and with a last lingering glance at Duo, stepped aside.  
  
"Take a seat, Jason." Duo's voice was warm, but his eyes glinted with steel. "We are going to have a nice long talk about your future."  
  
-end Chapter 18 


	19. chapter 19

Frozen Heart 19 by sage_libra@yahoo.com  
  
author's note: thanks for all the wonderful feedback ^_^ you make it hard NOT to steal an hour or so from a monster schedule in order to write some more...Thanks!  
  
Duo had never thought there'd be a time that he'd be grateful for his blindness.  
  
He was glad, now. He didn't want to have to see Jason's pain; it was bad enough hearing it in the younger boy's quivering voice. Jason had been good-naturedly sheepish while Duo had told him off about his plans to drop school. Had promised easily enough to return to boarding school. Had talked about school vacations and trips they could take together.  
  
Duo had listened with growing unease. He had brushed aside Derek's subtle warnings about Jason's 'feelings' for him, but now, he realized with chagrin that he had been fooling himself. Had willingly blinded himself because he hadn't wanted that responsibility. Hadn't wanted to have to hurt Jason the way he had been hurt.  
  
"I won't be here, Jason." He had cut in quietly, unable to listen any more to the bubbly enthusiasm in Jason's voice. He hated himself for the cruel bluntness. But to wrap it up in lies and platitudes would have been crueler. He couldn't leave the boy with false hopes. He, at least, had to be able to move on. Bruised, perhaps shaken, but ultimately healable. "I've decided to go back to Q and the others."  
  
A stunned silence. Disbelieving, appalled. Then the heartfelt cry. "But why?"  
  
Why?  
  
Because they're my family and they want me back. Because I need them.  
  
Because I need him.  
  
"They pushed you away, Max! They hurt you!" The boy sounded genuinely bewildered. "How can you want to go back to that?"  
  
Duo winced inwardly, but kept his features resolute. "You wouldn't understand-"  
  
"Then explain it to me!" Belligerence crept into the young voice. "They threw you out. Now you're blind they decide they want you anyway? And you're going back, just like that? Fuck! Am I the only one who thinks that's pretty screwed up?"  
  
"Jason!" Duo's voice cracked like a whip, and Jason flinched, falling silent as he took in the anger blazing in the unfocused amethyst eyes. Duo took a deep breath and let it go slowly. "I want you to listen for a minute, okay?"  
  
Jason nodded, then remembering, said, albeit a touch mutinously. "Alright."  
  
"I know it sounds screwed up." Duo bit his lip, choosing his words carefully. "Jason, there are things about me, about us, that you don't know. That you wouldn't understand. Yeah, it hurt like hell when I thought they didn't really care about me." He sent a mental apology to his teammates. Attempting to straighten things out with Jason where their relationships were concerned would have just led to more questions. Questions he couldn't answer. "But we've talked, cleared the air, and I realize that there were a lot of misunderstandings on both sides. They do care about me." At Jason's disbelieving snort, he sighed. "Look, the bottom line is, they're my family. They need me, and I need them too." He raked a hand through his hair, fingers subconsciously searching for his braid and clenching impotently around empty air. "I need them." He repeated softly.  
  
"Shit!" Jason sprang to his feet; began pacing. "Shit!" He repeated, unable to put voice to the anger and helplessness eating away at his guts. How do you argue with that? How do you fight for a guy who won't fight for himself?  
  
Duo closed his eyes briefly, summoning patience. Ironic, because patience had never been his strong suit. And if it had been anyone else, he would have shrugged his shoulders and walked away. He had enough emotional turmoil on his own plate to worry about someone else's. But this was Jason- a boy who had opened his heart and home to him, who had stood by him during some of his darkest moments. He owed this boy more than a thank you and a goodbye. He owed him compassion.  
  
"I'm sorry." He said finally, inadequately. Sorry for leading you on, even unintentionally. Sorry for not being the guy you want me to be. He sighed again, wishing he had asked Quatre for advice before doing this. Quatre would have been able to figure out someway to make this easier. Quatre was the brains of their team, he would have had the answer Jason needed to hear. Or at least, he would have been able to figure out a way to lessen the hurt.  
  
"I just don't get it." Jason said finally, grimly addressing the silent man. "How can you be so sure they won't throw you out again? How can you let them have a chance at hurting you again?"  
  
Duo shook his head, his expression wistful. "I'm not sure of anything, Jason."  
  
"Gods!" Jason wanted to smash something. "Then why are you going back there?" He yelled.  
  
Duo's features darkened, his fingers clenching as he fought to control his temper. "Don't yell at me, Jason." He said in a low voice.  
  
Jason pressed his lips together, struggling to rein in his anger. "I just don't get it." He said sullenly.  
  
**That makes two of us, buddy.**  
  
In the silence that followed, Duo searched for the words Jason needed to hear. The words that would allow the boy to get on with his life.  
  
'Why are you going back there?' Good question, he thought privately. Why, indeed? Looking at the situation from Jason's point of view, he had to admit the move sounded positively masochistic.  
  
But he doesn't know Heero, Duo argued silently. He had only seen the hurt Heero had inflicted. How could he know that underneath Heero's coldness was a heart that craved human contact? That despite the many times Heero had brushed him off, there were also tiny, betraying gestures of caring. Heero looked out for him. Was so hard on him because he was afraid Duo would compromise himself and the mission. Heero conveyed strength and independence, a self-sufficiency that needed no one, but he had accepted Duo as a partner. Accepted him as a roommate when he would accept no one else.  
  
It was just that, Duo mused with a resigned sigh, Heero would never say anything. Wouldn't explain or defend himself. Expressed himself through his actions...  
  
Duo blinked, his mind picking up on something he had been too shell-shocked to pay attention to before.  
  
Heero never explained himself.  
  
But he had yesterday. Had said so much Duo had had serious doubts about his identity.  
  
Heero expressed himself through his actions.  
  
And he had searched him out. Had saved him from certain death at the risk of his own life. Had put the mission on the line to protect him. Had slept on the hard floor in order to keep watch over him. "Fuck." He whispered, his heart beating so fast he felt faint. Unsteadily, he lurched out of his chair.  
  
"Max!" Hands caught him.  
  
"Jason, I've gotta go." Duo told him, the urgency in his voice shocking to the other boy.  
  
"What-?"  
  
"I've gotta go!" Duo repeated, untangling himself from the other boy's grasp and striding to the door. He had to go to Heero. Had to clear the air, once and for all.  
  
"Max!"  
  
That single, heartfelt cry cut through his dazed epiphany, and he stopped, one hand on the door's cool surface. He sounded so desolate. So confused and hurt.  
  
Without looking back, Duo answered his question.  
  
'Why are you going back there?'  
  
"Why, Jason? Because he came for me. In spite of everything, he came for me." He said softly, wonderingly. "Because although he'd rather bleed than admit to needing anyone, he told me that he needed me. That he wants me back in his life." He shook his head. "All this time I've been waiting for him to say something, and I forgot- he was never one for talking. He acts." He took a deep breath and took the leap. "And everything he's done tells me that maybe- maybe he loves me too."  
  
A deafening silence.  
  
"I'm sorry, Jason." Duo said in a low voice. "But if there's even a chance that he feels the same way I do, I have to take it. I can't walk away from this." When no response was forthcoming, he quietly slipped out of the door.  
  
Jason stared at the door, the pain of rejection gnawing at his heart.  
  
"I need you too, Max." Jason whispered to the empty room. "I love you too."  
  
-o0o-  
  
Quatre glanced warily at the grim expression on Heero's face as he sipped his tea. They'd woken up to find Duo gone and Heero looking like thunder. And when Wufei had innocently asked about Duo's whereabouts, the black glare Heero had shot him had effectively shut all of them up. In fact, Wing's pilot hadn't spoken at all since they had gathered around the breakfast table. Quatre was glad that they had been able to disengage Duo's housekeeper – Heero's scowl would have sent the motherly woman into hysterics.  
  
However, Quatre himself was growing anxious as he finished eating and Duo failed to return. He was also confused. Yesterday he could have sworn Duo and Heero had reached an understanding. But this morning Heero look as though he was on the verge of violence. And where had Duo gone?  
  
"Ask me." Shin's cheerful voice interrupted his troubled musing.  
  
Quatre almost dropped his tea in startlement. The computer was practically begging for the chance to disclose the information, but Quatre was on to it. The Arabian was willing to concede that he tended to be naïve on occasion, but he was not stupid. He and Trowa exchanged a wry look.  
  
"I'll pass." Trowa said calmly. Duo's supercomputer was too jaunty- a sure indication that wherever Duo had gone to, he was safe; it also warned anyone with an iota of sense that Heero wasn't happy with the situation. Upon reflection, he wasn't that curious.  
  
Wufei shrugged. Yuy wasn't blowing things away and Winner was relatively calm. Conclusion: Maxwell was safe. He didn't need to know the details. Nor did he want to cross Yuy any further. The other pilot had yet to forget about Duo's near brush with death at his hands.  
  
Quatre bent his formidable intellect to solving this mystery, aquamarine eyes narrowing in thought. It didn't take him long to put two and two together. He grinned at the formless voice. "It's alright, Shin. We can wait."  
  
"Killjoy." Shin grumbled, then added almost as an afterthought. "I'd better give the Wallises a call before they let Max cajole them into letting him drink too much coffee."  
  
Heero busied his hands with slicing the bacon into very small pieces. He knew the computer was needling him. It seemed to have taken after Duo in that respect- badgering until it got the reaction it desired. Well, he thought coldly as he continued slicing, he was not going to fall for it. Not, he added to himself grimly, that he didn't intend to have a very long, exhaustive talk with his partner when the latter returned. Once and for all.  
  
Wufei watched in trepidation as Heero systematically demolished the food on his plate. He got to his feet, muttered something about his morning kata, and made a tactical retreat to the guest room.  
  
Quatre bit his lip to smother his grin and got up to help Trowa with the dishes. Neither pilot considered even asking Heero if he was done.  
  
"Yuy-sama, I don't think the bacon has any hope left of resurrecting itself." Shin advised sweetly.  
  
Heero blinked at the bacon bits arranged neatly around his plate and colored. With a glare at no one in particular, he rose and strode out of the kitchen, his feet taking him unerringly to the balcony. Bracing himself against the rails, he looked unseeingly out over the city, his mind whirling with doubts.  
  
'I can't just disappear...maybe we need to slow down a bit...' Duo's words, his uncertainty washed over Heero, and bleakly, he wondered if he was allowing what he believed Duo needed to blind him to what Duo wanted.  
  
Duo needed the protection of the other pilots. But did Duo want that? Or did he want the saintly perfection that Derek Wallis seemed to embody?  
  
Duo needed to let Quatre's doctors mend his vision. But did Duo want that? Or was he willing to trade his eyes for the relative peace and stability that civilian life offered?  
  
Duo needed someone – him - to control his manic and impulsive nature. But did Duo want that? Or did he really prefer Jason Wallis' blind adoration?  
  
In the kitchen, Trowa was eyeing his lover as the latter frowned thoughtfully while drying the dishes. He shook his head, reached over and collected the dish Quatre had been drying for the last five minutes.  
  
"Go." He said. "Just be careful he doesn't throw you over the balcony." A knowing smirk accompanied the instruction. Quatre was his soulmate, he'd known the compassionate Arabian wouldn't be able to rest until Heero and Duo had sorted out their differences.  
  
Quatre rewarded his understanding with a brilliant smile. "I do love you, Trowa Barton." He breathed, enveloping the taller boy in a tight hug.  
  
"As I you." Trowa returned, turning solemn. He didn't know what he had done in his past lives to deserve the love of someone as gentle and kind as his Quatre, but he thanked whatever gods existed for this blessing every day that he lived. "Now go."  
  
Quatre made certain to make a lot of noise as he joined Heero. One simply did not surprise trigger-happy soldiers. Especially not, he added wryly, one who was suffering from a lovers' quarrel.  
  
"What happened?" He asked pointblank, though gently. Heero, he had discovered early on, had limited skill in interpolating nuances where emotions were concerned. Straight-talking was the best approach. He made a note to remind Duo of this later.  
  
Heero considered the query. What had happened? They had woken up, exchanged less than ten sentences, then Duo had left. "Nothing happened." He replied flatly. It was the truth and it troubled him. He could not shake the feeling that he had missed something, that he had somehow pushed Duo away. Again.  
  
Quatre nodded in complete understanding. How often had Duo said the same thing in the past over his failure to communicate his needs to Heero? In a way, he was glad that Heero was experiencing the same thing, because it proved that his feelings for Duo ran just as deep.  
  
"You know," He said after a moment. "things would be much simpler if you'd just tell him that you love him." His relationship with Trowa had had its own rocky beginning, but once they had gotten the words out into the open, nothing else had mattered.  
  
Heero scowled. "I'm no longer certain he feels the same way." The words were growled out, but even then Quatre heard the uncertainty, fear and pain.  
  
Quatre contemplated his profile, then glanced over the railing. It was a thousand-meter drop. Definitely unsurvivable. He hoped Duo appreciated the risks he undertook on his behalf.  
  
"Duo said those words to you when he had even less assurance that you reciprocated those feelings." He pointed out at length. "Shouldn't you have at least a similar measure of that courage?"  
  
Something flashed through the cobalt eyes, and Quatre steeled himself, meeting that intense stare with calm equanimity.  
  
"You accuse me of cowardice?" A tic jumped in Heero's cheek.  
  
Quatre was saved from replying by Shin's bald announcement that Duo was at the door.  
  
"Tell him." Quatre murmured softly before moving away to join Trowa, who had been watching intently from the kitchen entrance.  
  
Duo paused just inside the door, immediately sensing the tension. "What?" He demanded anxiously. Fuck, he was nervous enough about the 'talk' he was determined to have with Heero without any other complication cropping up.  
  
"Trowa and Quatre were just on their way to visit the gardens." Shin informed him soothingly, proving to Quatre that Duo had indeed remembered to program creative innovation, if not honesty, into the supercomputer. Absently, he wondered who among them the computer was emulating now. "Wufei is deep in a meditative trance in the guest room and Heero is at the balcony looking like he'd dearly love to throw someone or something over. Myself, most likely."  
  
"Behave, Shin." Quatre chided fondly as he let Trowa lead him to the door. To Duo, he whispered urgently. "Tell Heero." The door slid shut behind the couple noiselessly.  
  
Duo's heart pounded. He'd understood Quatre's message. He turned to the balcony. "Heero?"  
  
"Here." Heero responded, his eyes going over the other boy hotly as Duo made his way to the him. Part of him reminded him that the Wallises had done a lot for Duo, but the other, less rational part of him didn't care. If either Wallis had touched Duo with anything more than friendship, he was going to tear them limb from limb. Quatre's accusation rang tauntingly at the back of his mind and his teeth ground together.  
  
"Shin loves to tease. You shouldn't take it personally." Duo told him, deciding to deal with that issue first as he grappled with the matter of how to ask what he needed to know.  
  
"Hn." Heero's response was sour, but Duo grinned, hearing the exasperation mix with annoyance. He knew then that Shin was safe. Heero used that tone with him all the time, and he was still standing there, wasn't he?  
  
Heero stared down at him, mesmerized by the other boy's bright smile. **Tell him!** Quatre's insistent admonition burned in Heero's mind. "Duo-"  
  
Duo lifted his face, and the openness in his expression undid Heero. Unable to help himself, he lifted a hand to cup a smooth cheek.  
  
Duo's heart leapt to his throat.  
  
"Heero?" His name was a breathless whisper, and gazing into the amethyst eyes, Heero finally saw what was – and had been all along- in Duo's heart. He made an unintelligible sound deep in his throat.  
  
Duo's mind shut down, his breath catching the moment Heero's lips touched his. It was a faint, feathery touch, wooing, requesting permission, and when he closed his eyes with a low moan, the pressure deepened, firmed. Heero's hand slipped gently to the back of his neck, supporting him, pulling him closer as Heero claimed his mouth fully.  
  
It was too much. It wasn't enough. Duo groaned, pressing frantically against the hard body, his hands clutching Heero's shoulders. Gods, he prayed dazedly, he'd better not be dreaming. And if he was, he never wanted to wake up. Ever.  
  
Finally, Heero's head lifted, a smug grin curving his lips as he took in Duo's flushed face and swollen lips. However, his eyes were tender as he traced that tempting bow with a finger. "I love you." He said softly.  
  
Duo blinked dazedly. "Hmm?" That kiss must have scrambled his brain, because it sounded very much like Heero had said -  
  
"I. Love. You." Heero repeated more strongly.  
  
For an instant, blinding happiness shone in Duo's face. Then a shadow passed over it and the light dimmed. Doubt sparked in the amethyst depths.  
  
"Do you really?" Duo asked softly, instinctively bracing himself. He just couldn't be that lucky. He just couldn't. He began to move away, only to be pulled back by steely arms.  
  
"More than my life." Heero told him fiercely. "I swear it."  
  
Duo let his hands wander to the other boy's lips, still warm from their kiss. "Stop. Don't lie to me, Heero." He pleaded shakily, head bowing as he fought for control. He was standing on the edge of a precipice, balanced precariously and desperately afraid to take that step to the point of no return. "For pity's sake, don't lie to me." His voice broke. "I won't survive it."  
  
Heero bent his head to touch his forehead against Duo's. "I love you." He repeated, putting all his heart and soul behind the words. "I love you. I love you."  
  
I love you.  
  
Duo shuddered, closing his eyes. The last of his defences crumbled away and he threw both arms around Heero's neck, pulling the other boy into a tight embrace. I don't care, he thought, I don't care if he's lying, if I'm dreaming, or if I've finally gone off the deep end. I don't care.  
  
I don't care.  
  
A sob tore from his chest, and hot tears trickled down his cheeks, wetting Heero's shirt.  
  
"Duo?" Heero drew away, alarmed. "Why are you crying?"  
  
Duo kept his eyes closed, shaking his head, unable to put into words the emotions rioting inside him.  
  
Heero's eyes darkened in comprehension. "You don't believe me." He said, only then realizing the extent of damage his prior rejection had wrought in the other boy. Regret, remorse, and and overwhelming tenderness swept through him, and gently he drew Duo closer. He pressed a kiss on his forehead, on the tip of his nose, on his soft lips. "Listen. I was a baka running away from my own feelings." He told Duo quietly. "Afraid of the strength of the emotions you stirred in me, afraid of how easily you had crept into my heart. I wasn't ready, and your courage, your honesty caught me unawares." He emphasized. "But I was never unwilling." He found a rueful smile. "I've always wanted you. Loved you. Hell, I think I fell in love the moment you tried to kill me and just didn't know it." He turned serious. "I mean it, Duo. I love you."  
  
Duo trembled in the circle of his arms. "Even if I'm loud and noisy and fuck up all the time?" His voice was small, a child asking desperately for assurance.  
  
Heero took a deep breath. "I won't promise not to lose my temper, Duo. Especially when you put yourself at risk needlessly. But I'll promise you this – no amount of anger can take away the love I feel for you."  
  
Duo was quiet for a moment, absorbing that. "Even if my eyes don't get better and I can't fly Deathscythe anymore?"  
  
"Baka." Heero sighed. "I love all of you, not just Shinigami or Deathscythe. They're just part of who you are."  
  
Another spell of silence. Heero kept his arms around his would-be lover, gaining confidence and hope as the latter seemed content to lean against him.  
  
"Heero?" Duo's tone was hesitant. "I'm gonna need some time to process this, okay?"  
  
Heero nodded, accepting that, had even expected it. Duo's childhood and experiences had scarred him deeply, and his previous rejection had only served to reinforce that bone-deep self-doubt. "Understood." He sounded out with unshakeable conviction. "I can wait, Duo."  
  
That utter certainty produced a watery grin. "You sound very sure of yourself." He observed.  
  
Heero smoothed back the soft chestnut bangs. "Zutto, Duo." He said simply.  
  
Duo's brows furrowed. "What does that mean?"  
  
Heero pulled him in, resting his chin against the top of his head. However, he had no trouble hearing the smile in his lover's voice.  
  
"It means forever, Duo."  
  
-end Chapter 19  
  
note: hang on...just a bit more ( 


	20. chapter 20

Frozen Heart 20  
  
"You can come out now."  
  
Wufei eyed Quatre, distrustful of the other boy's good cheer. Taking in the happy glow in the aquamarine orbs, he shifted his gaze to Trowa's more sombre face.  
  
"I assume Yuy has finally regained control over his temper?" He queried in a tight voice.  
  
Trowa nodded, silent amusement lurking in the emerald depths.  
  
"Maxwell?"  
  
"Back where he belongs." Quatre told him cheerfully.  
  
"Hn." Wufei snorted darkly, his expression losing none of its wariness.  
  
Quatre took in the Chinese pilot's obvious displeasure. His smooth brow furrowed. "What's wrong, Wufei?" He asked, seating himself on the edge of the bed, a good two feet from Wufei's personal space. The latter was definitely not the cuddling kind. Or, a stray thought that Quatre promised to examine closer at a later date, Wufei had not yet found anyone he wanted to cuddle with.  
  
Wufei shot a malevolent glare at the door. "I cannot help but wonder how long this 'good spell' lasts before we witness the next act in Yuy and Maxwell's drama anthology." His tone turned biting. "I am sick of it, Winner. We are Gundam pilots. There are injustices waiting for us to avenge. Instead we are holed up here waiting for Yuy and Maxwell to get their acts together." His voice rose. "We are Gundam pilots. But here we are, tiptoeing around Yuy and his jealous rages. I spent the morning hiding in this room to avoid getting in his way! It is injustice!"  
  
Quatre bit his lip. He didn't need to look at Trowa to know that the other pilot shared some of Wufei's sentiments.  
  
"Wufei-"  
  
"I cannot take this anymore, Winner!" Wufei's fingers clenched at his sides. "They are driving me crazy!"  
  
Quatre's eyes widened at the genuine distress in Wufei's voice. Using his 'space heart', he realized that Wufei was not so much angry as he was confused and perplexed by the uncertainties surrounding Heero and Duo's relationship. And having had to contain his frustration for the past two days...Wufei was like Heero in many ways. Both preferred isolation to company. Both tended towards single-mindedness. And both lacked the skills to navigate the complex pathways of communication. Give them a mission to accomplish. An enemy to cut down. But faced with fragile emotions, neither seemed to have the patience or the experience necessary to express themselves appropriately.  
  
"You're right." Quatre conceded gravely, holding the dark stare steady. "There is no reason for all of us to be dragged into Heero and Duo's affairs. It is, after all, strictly personal and should have no effect on our mission." He paused. "However, in spite of that, we stay. You stay. Because they are our friends, and even in war, friendships are needed. They need to know we are here for them, just as we need to know that when the need arises, they will be here for us." His mouth curved in a gentle smile. "After all, is it not the duty of a friend and comrade to stand by each other? You are a true friend to us, Wufei. Your continued presence here, in spite of your discomfort, proves that."  
  
Wufei pursed his lips, his gaze sliding away. Damn Winner and his perceptiveness. He wanted to rant and rage. He wanted to vent his frustration and bewilderment. But Quatre's empathy and understanding had that easily disarmed him.  
  
"I will not cower away the next time Yuy gets into a snit over Maxwell's escapades." He said harshly, hanging on to the vestiges of his anger.  
  
"Certainly." Quatre allowed himself a smug grin. "Not that I expect him to. He was looking quite pleased with himself when we came in." Actually, as close to ecstatic as he had ever seen Wing's pilot would have been more accurate. Seeing Heero and Duo in each other's arms at the sofa as they had silently made their way in had made every bad moment worth it as far as Quatre was concerned.  
  
"Maxwell's three days will end by tomorrow." Wufei said as he levered himself off the bed. "Let's hope he stays that way."  
  
Seeing that the Chinese pilot was preparing to leave the room, Trowa raised a hand to signal a halt.  
  
"What now?" Wufei queried irritably, eyes flashing.  
  
"You might want to stay here a few minutes longer." Trowa advised him, straight-faced. "They might not appreciate an interruption at the moment."  
  
Wufei blushed at the images Trowa's words put to mind. Sighing resignedly, he subsided back on the bed. "As it is already past lunchtime anyway I suppose we can all forget about eating and take a nap directly."  
  
-o0o-  
  
Derek stepped out of the elevator hurriedly, his brow knotted in a tight frown of anxiety. He had been attempting to reach his brother all morning, but either Jason had left the penthouse or was not answering the phone. He would have been home earlier, but he had had patients he had had to attend to.  
  
'Please God, let Jason be alright...' He breathed beneath his breath as he swiped the card key through. He shouldn't have left, he berated himself. Not when he'd realized what Max wanted to talk to Jason about. But he'd been upset too, and hurt. He knew he had no right. Not when Dane had died just a few months ago...but there was something about Max. Something that called to him. And losing him, though for all the right reasons, still hurt more than he wanted to admit. Hurt that had driven him to take refuge in the familiarity of his work. Hurt that had led him to abandon his brother- the one person to whom Max's leaving would impact the most painfully.  
  
The door slid open noiselessly.  
  
"Dear God...!" Derek stared in horror at the destruction. Everything breakable lay in shambles on the floor. Mirrors, vases, glasses. A testament to his brother's pain and rage. "Jason?!" He shook himself out of his shock and ran to Jason's room. Finding it and the bathrooms in the same state as the living room, but thankfully, empty, he slumped against the wall, weak with temporary relief. For a moment visions of blood and death had danced before his eyes.  
  
He took a moment to gather his wits, then straightened. Walking carefully to the bar, he poured himself a liberal amount of brandy and took it straight. The fire searing down his throat warmed him and cleared his head. His anxiety hadn't cleared completely. He still needed to find Jason, and that was going to require all his fortitude and resources. There were just too many bolt-holes in and around the city. Briefly, he considered calling Max and asking his assistance. Max, for all that he was blind now, had once been a very- active -youth and may have a good idea where a heartbroken and angry young boy could have holed up in.  
  
However, on second thought, he decided against it. There was no need as of yet to alarm the blind young man. Besides, Derek didn't want Max feeling guilty about Jason's condition. It wasn't his fault. No, Derek sighed bleakly, if there was anyone to blame, that was fate. Fate, who seemed to delight in tormenting him and his brother by bringing them a glimpse of happiness, only to snatch it away again.  
  
"Where are you, Jason?" He muttered, reaching for the phone.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Duo was cooking.  
  
'Now there's a sight.' Trowa thought with amusement as he watched Quatre and Heero fidgeting in their seats. The two had been first disbelieving, then downright horrified, when Duo had cheerfully announced that he was preparing his favorite pasta dish for dinner. They were celebrating, he had announced with a meaningful wink at Heero's general direction. The Wing pilot had reddened, but a sweeping glare around the room had challenged anyone to comment. No one had, of course, beyond Wufei rolling his eyes.  
  
However, when Duo had donned an apron and actually begun preparations, Heero had materialized at his elbow, eagle eyes watching intently and pre- empting Duo's needs. Quatre, more tactfully, had hovered at the background, calling out encouragements and warnings at appropriate intervals. They were worried, rightly so, that Duo was going to hurt himself with this display of culinary independence. Too many things could go wrong. Duo could cut himself slicing the onions. Could scald himself preparing the pasta. Could overcook the sauce. Trowa made sure to conceal his smirk.  
  
Finally, Duo had turned and pointed the wicked-looking knife he held in his hand towards the door. "Out." One word accompanied by a threatening glare and the two Gundam pilots had meekly walked out.  
  
Wufei had eschewed the guest room for the sofa, where he sat, oiling his katana with studied indifference. However, one eye watched Heero warily as the latter stared fixedly into the kitchen. He swore under his breath. He had never known the Perfect Soldier to exhibit such obsessive protectiveness towards anyone. Then again, he had never seen Heero in love. In spite of himself, he found himself listening to the sound of Duo humming as he puttered around the kitchen.  
  
"You should have more faith in Duo." Trowa advised softly when he caught Quatre biting his lip yet again to keep from calling out a warning. "He knows what he's doing." And all that lip-biting was distracting him. His eyes narrowed speculatively. It had been several days since he'd had time alone with his diminutive lover.  
  
Quatre gave him a weak smile. "I just never thought cooking could be so hazardous."  
  
Trowa smiled back. He wasn't given to showing expression at all, but Quatre made smiling so natural. "I think Duo has it under control." He replied amiably, mentally computing the amount of time he had before dinner was ready against the time he needed for...other activities.  
  
Quatre glanced at his friend's back. "I know." His tone held wonder. Duo had been a terrible cook before- to the point that the other pilots had agreed to confine him to doing the grocery and cleaning up. It had been, from their point of view, the healthier option. But now, Duo seemed to have suddenly discovered a knack for cooking. He knew exactly where everything he needed was, knew exactly how much ingredient to use, and most amazing for Quatre, he seemed to be enjoying himself. Shin had a running commentary on the side, but far from distracting the blind pilot, it seemed to keep him on an even keel. "I thought Duo would be helpless without us," Quatre murmured slowly. "but now I wonder if it's we who can't do without him." He glanced up at the taller boy beside him, his expression bemused. "He's simply amazing!"  
  
Trowa gazed down at the beautiful boy beside him, his computations complete. It was going to be close, but he had always done well under pressure. He smiled, his eyes heating up. "He isn't the only one." He said huskily.  
  
Quatre's eyes widened at the unmistakable hunger in his lover's green eyes. His mouth went dry and his tongue slipped out automatically to wet his lips. Trowa's eyes darkened in immediate response, his gaze following the movement eagerly.  
  
"Trowa..." Quatre's face went beet-red as Trowa took his hand and pulled him to his feet.  
  
"Mission briefing." Trowa intoned smoothly to anyone interested.  
  
"But- Trowa-!" Quatre sputtered, his usual eloquence deserting him with his lover's hot hand on the small of his back.  
  
"I think Duo would be much happier with less of an audience." Trowa stated calmly to his partner as he firmly led the smaller pilot to the guestroom. Over his lover's head he caught Wufei's incredulous stare. "Stay." He mouthed at the Chinese pilot with just a hint of a warning in his eyes. Heero was not the only one who can be downright scary when unhappy, and Trowa was going to be extremely unhappy if Wufei 'accidentally' barged into his private time with his lover.  
  
Wufei swore in Mandarin, face flaming as he watched Trowa close the door to the guestroom. He tilted his head back to stave off the nosebleed. Nataku, was this mission ever going to end?  
  
-o0o-  
  
Derek was beside himself with worry. None of Jason's friends had seen or heard from him the entire day. Nor was he at any of his usual haunts.  
  
'Where are you, Jason?' He mulled the question in his head. A sensitive and insecure boy grieving over a failed infatuation- where would he go to lick his wounds?  
  
The answer hit him and he cursed himself for panicking and overlooking the obvious. No matter how Jason now felt about Max, he was sure, at one point, to go to where they had first met. It was instinct. He glanced at the phone, hesitated, then squared his shoulders. God knows he had tried to keep Max out of it. But now, only the blind boy could tell him where his brother was.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Heero glared at Trowa and Quatre as the couple took their seats around the dinner table.  
  
"You're late." He barked. Duo had gone to a lot of trouble to prepare dinner. The least everyone could do was be on time to eat it.  
  
However, Trowa was unfazed as his warm gaze lingered on Quatre. "You finished early." He corrected Heero with his usual calm.  
  
"Sorry Duo." Quatre shifted in his seat, his blush threatening to spread to his hair roots at the knowing look in Trowa's eyes.  
  
"No problem." Duo grinned mischievously. "I'm sure you had more fun 'discussing missions' than watching me sweat it out over the stove."  
  
Shin snickered.  
  
"Let's just eat." Wufei snapped. Much more of this kind of conversation and he'd be having blood as well as tomato sauce on his pasta.  
  
Heero waited until everyone had had a bite, then asked sharply, "Well?" in a tone that threatened bodily harm at the wrong reply.  
  
"It's great, Duo!" Quatre complimented wholeheartedly. "Really!" He added for Heero's benefit. It was clear that the other boy was nervous on Duo's behalf, and Quatre found that touching.  
  
"I know." Duo replied smugly. He hadn't been worried at all since he'd practiced this recipe on Derek and Jason countless times. But then Heero didn't need to know that, and he didn't mind Heero's display of protectiveness one bit.  
  
Only after all the other pilots had echoed Quatre's observation did Heero relax enough to actually enjoy his meal. He was surprised to find that it really was as good as Quatre had said. However, more than that, it was seeing the pride and happiness on Duo's face that made all the anxiety he'd gone through during the preparation worth it. He understood Duo's unvoiced message- that he could take care of himself, but he hoped his soon-to-be- lover also understood that Heero would always worry. It was his nature to worry over things he couldn't control.  
  
"Max." Shin's somber voice sliced across the quiet contentment over dinner.  
  
Heero tensed.  
  
Duo stilled. Shin's tone was as much a warning as anything. "What is it?"  
  
"Derek needs to talk to you." Shin said quietly. "He's very upset."  
  
Duo straightened. "Patch him through." He reached for the personal transmitter, but Heero's hand over his stopped him.  
  
"No more secrets, Duo." Heero reminded tersely. Duo hesitated, then nodded.  
  
"Max?" Derek's harried tone sounded loud and ominous.  
  
"Derek." Duo's heart beat faster. Something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Jason's missing." Derek didn't have the time or the spare energy to beat around the bush. "I've been looking for him all day."  
  
"Shit!" Duo's fists clenched convulsively.  
  
"I'm very worried." Derek went on in a strained voice. "He didn't leave in a very stable frame of mind and I can't find him anywhere."  
  
Duo's eyes narrowed. "I think I know where he might be."  
  
An instant's pause. "I'm coming down." And Derek hung up.  
  
Duo stood.  
  
As did the four other pilots.  
  
"We're going with you." Quatre spoke up firmly. There was no question that Duo was going on the search. Wild horses weren't going to be able to keep him away at this point. But he wasn't going alone.  
  
Duo shook his head. "Not a good idea." He argued. "More exposure, more risk, remember? Derek doesn't know you. Let's keep it that way."  
  
"Jason already knows us." Heero stated hardly. "One more or less doesn't make a difference."  
  
The front door slid open and Derek strode through.  
  
Duo met him halfway, clasping his arm reassuringly. "We'll find him." He said fiercely. "I promise you."  
  
Derek squeezed his arm gratefully. "Thanks." Somehow, Duo's utter conviction lifted a load from his shoulders. His gaze moved to the boys behind Duo.  
  
Quatre moved forward. "I'm Q." He introduced himself and the others quickly. "We want to help."  
  
Derek stared at him intently. He had never met this boy- the boy who apparently weighed so heavily in Max's heart. Jason was right. Q was easily the most beautiful boy he had ever seen. Derek wanted to feel anger towards Q. After all, he had hurt Max before and now, indirectly, his brother. But seeing the compassion in the blue-green eyes, he found it hard to believe this person capable of inflicting pain knowingly or willingly. He shook his head inwardly. How could either he or Jason hope to compete with this boy? "Thank you." Was all he could say.  
  
"Someone has to stay in case Jason comes here." Shin reminded them. "I can lock him in easily enough once he gets through the door, but I won't be able to do much otherwise."  
  
A momentary silence. They were all men of action, and the idea of being left behind to wait wasn't a welcome one.  
  
"I'll stay." Quatre spoke up finally. It made sense. Seeing him when Jason fully believed him to be Duo's lover was going to be detrimental to their efforts to calm him.  
  
"I'll stay with him." Trowa stated. If Jason came around and saw his rival, there was no telling what he'd do. He had complete confidence in Quatre's ability to defend himself, but three Gundam pilots were surely enough to retrieve Jason wherever he was. There was no need for him out there.  
  
"Alright." Heero took charge instinctively. "Let's go." He shot Trowa a look. "Don't get distracted."  
  
Trowa sent him a flat stare. He was a soldier. He did not need to be reminded of his duty.  
  
"Be careful, Max." Quatre said anxiously.  
  
Duo spared him a quick grin.  
  
Quatre bit his lip as the door slid close behind them. "I feel sorry for him." Remorse filled his voice. He had never meant for Jason to get hurt in this battle to win back Duo.  
  
"He'll get over it." Trowa told him gently, laying a commiserating hand on his partner's shoulder. "He couldn't have made Duo happy, Quatre."  
  
"I know." Quatre sighed. "I just wish he hadn't fallen so hard."  
  
There wasn't really any good answer to that, so Trowa simply dropped a tender kiss on top of the blonde's head.  
  
"Come on," He tugged on Quatre's arm. "I know one way to put your mind off your worries."  
  
"Trowa!" Quatre stared at the other boy disbelievingly.  
  
"Eat, Quatre." Trowa said soothingly. "We eat." And afterwards, well, that depends on how fast three determined Gundam pilots were in finding the missing boy, he thought to himself.  
  
-end Chapter 20 


	21. chapter 21

Frozen Heart 21  
  
Bill's Folly.  
  
Billy had been one of the local boys. Young, wild and reckless, he and his friends had made a game of racing in and around the rocky gorges a few miles outside the city. In particular, he had delighted in pitting his skill and courage against a treacherous stretch known as the Devil's Bluff, so named because the land rose steeply then dropped off abruptly into deadly rocks below. It had been during one stormy night that Billy had dared fate once too often. Since then the locals had taken to calling the place Bill's Folly, to serve as a warning to other would-be adventurers.  
  
To one restless, heartsore Gundam pilot, it had seemed like an ideal place to brood about his own folly.  
  
He had, that afternoon, sent an encrypted message to his mentor. In it he had expressed his decision to leave the team. To work solo again. Duo had had every confidence that Dr. G would allow this move. After all, Shinigami and Deathscythe had proven themselves just as deadly on their own.  
  
Duo remembered gazing down into the inky darkness from the top of the bluff. He remembered wondering darkly what Billy's last thoughts might had been as he had hurtled down the gorge. He even remembered shivering and pulling his thoughts sharply back. As depressed as he had been, he had had no intention of following in Billy's footsteps. Shortly after, he had begun making his way down, only to come upon a bunch of punks ganging up on a solitary boy. Duo remembered how the scene had called to mind similar scenarios from his childhood, with him on the receiving end of such brutality. The memory had triggered something in him; something that had transformed his melancholy into white-hot rage. Rage that had helped him fight off the punks.  
  
Now, recalling the savagery with which he had fought, Duo knew that in helping Jason, he had inadvertently helped himself. Fighting had brought him out of the depression, had reminded him who he was and why he went on surviving when others would have given up and died.  
  
"Dear God." Derek's fearful whisper drew Duo back to the present and he reached out instinctively to touch the older man's arm in reassurance. Bill's Folly was enough to make any sensible person shudder.  
  
"We'll find him." Duo told him with utter conviction. His faith was well placed. After all, he had the Perfect Soldier on hand, not to mention Wufei. Together, the two pilots' sheer stubbornness was enough to surmount whatever obstacle lay before them. Finding Jason was just a matter of time.  
  
Heero's gaze swept over the broad expanse of rough land. "We'll have to split up." He stated unequivocally, eyeing the gathering dusk. Once it got dark finding the boy on unknown land would be exponentially harder, and he didn't want Duo traipsing around uneven, potentially slippery ground. Without waiting for a reply, he snagged Duo's arm. "We'll check out the bluff. We meet here after half an hour, with or without the boy."  
  
"Understood." Wufei responded curtly. "Watch your step." He told Duo sternly.  
  
Had he known that running away, losing his sight and almost dying would make Shenlong's pilot unbend enough to openly express his concern, Duo would have arranged it sooner. The mischievous thought brought a teasing grin to his lips. "Yes, Mama Fei."  
  
Wufei's answering growl lacked its usual bite and Duo's grin widened. "See you in thirty." He called over his shoulder as Heero led him away. "Be careful Derek."  
  
Derek watched the two boys as they headed out. Despite his concern for Jason, he couldn't ignore the signs he was seeing before him. Specifically, his gaze lingered on the protective yet blatantly possessive hand Heero had against Max's back. He hadn't missed the measuring look Heero had given him earlier back at the apartment either. In fact, if Jason hadn't been so certain about Q and Max, Derek would have assumed that the relationship was between Max and Heero.  
  
An impatient snort broke through his musings and he caught the raised eyebrow of Wufei.  
  
"The sooner we get started the more ground we can cover." The Chinese pilot stated evenly, already moving ahead.  
  
He was right, Derek acknowledged grimly. Jason was his priority now, he told himself as he followed the Asian's lead.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Heero kept his senses on red alert; scanning his surroundings quickly but intently for signs of the missing boy. However, his movements as he guided Duo were steady, belying the speed with which he assessed the grounds. He had no problems negotiating the rough trail, but the uneven ground was tortuously difficult for Duo and he struggled to keep his footing even with Heero supporting him.  
  
"Damn!" Duo swore as he stumbled yet again. Heero's grip tightened around his arm, his silence telling in itself. "I should have stayed in the car." He grumbled in self-disgust. "At this rate not only are we never going to find Jason; I'm likely to break a leg as well."  
  
Heero had nothing to say to that. It was, after all, the truth. Duo's handicap forced them to go slow when they needed speed and they both knew it. As much as Heero wanted to comfort his partner, he chose not to coddle him with a lie. Instead, he scoured the area, searching for a clue that would end the search quickly.  
  
"See anything?" Duo queried hopefully.  
  
Heero grunted a negative, a frown gathering as he glanced once more at the dark sky. Arriving at a decision, he led Duo to a sturdy tree and sat him down.  
  
"No time to rest, Heero." Duo protested, not the least bit tired. "This place is dangerous at night and Jason is still out there alone."  
  
"I'll find him." Heero told him shortly. "You wait here."  
  
Duo stiffened. "Oh no, you are not leaving me here."  
  
"I'm not leaving you." Heero agreed completely. "I'll be back in exactly 15 minutes." Seeing Duo's expression turn mutinous, he added. "The trail is getting rockier. Visibility is low, even for me. It's too dangerous." For you.  
  
Duo didn't need to hear him say it out loud. It was the same thought running through his brain. His mouth tightened and he turned away quickly. Heero's decision was the right one, but the knowledge did little to ease the sting. "You're right. I should have stayed in the car." Bitterness coated the words.  
  
Heero's eyes narrowed on the averted face. He couldn't see Duo's expression in the dark, but there was no mistaking the defeat in his voice. Acting quickly to squelch the self-doubt he knew had to be eating at Duo, he reached out to turn Duo's face to him. "A good soldier knows when to advance and when to retreat, Duo." He stroked the soft cheek beneath his fingers. "Only the strong has the courage to acknowledge his own limitations."  
  
The gentleness in his tone startled Duo out of his dejection. He was still getting used to the idea of a Heero who actually returned his feelings, and Heero's uncustomary kindness sent fingers of warmth curling around his insides. "Heero..."  
  
Heero allowed a small smile at the bemusement on Duo's face, satisfied that he had attained his objective. He dropped a quick kiss on the other pilot's unsuspecting lips, then turned and strode away with new determination. The sooner he found Duo's woebegone suitor, the sooner they could all go home and the sooner he could go about allaying Duo's fears with more...thoroughness.  
  
Duo shook his head, trying to wrap his mind around the idea of a romantic Heero and failing utterly. In fact, had he not personally experienced it, he would have thought it impossible for Wing's pilot to thaw out so completely.  
  
-o0o-  
  
"Jason!" Derek called out, desperation beginning to lace his voice. Their time was almost up and there was still no trace of his brother. "Dammit, answer me!"  
  
Wufei hung back a slight distance, his narrowed eyes checking the foliage on both sides, then flicking to the ground. So far, he had seen nothing. He eyed his companion. It was painfully obvious how worried Derek was over his brother's disappearance. He had almost shouted himself hoarse in the last quarter of an hour. Almost reluctantly, he checked his watch. "We should head back." He kept his voice carefully neutral.  
  
Derek stared fixedly ahead of him, defeat on every line of his body. "I can't leave him out here alone."  
  
Sympathy made Wufei's tone kind. "Heero may have found him already."  
  
Derek turned to face him, his eyes hopeful. "You really think so?"  
  
Wufei nodded. "If your brother is here, Heero will find him." He had no doubt about that at all. Heero will find Jason because it was the only way Duo can leave with his heart whole. But Derek really didn't need to know that. "Let's go."  
  
Derek bit his lip, then nodded. They headed back in silence for a while before Derek spoke. "You have a lot of faith in your friend."  
  
Wufei shrugged. "Heero has yet to let us down."  
  
Derek absorbed that silently. "He seems rather- hard- for one so young."  
  
Again, Wufei shrugged. "He's been through a lot."  
  
"Like Max."  
  
Wufei shot the older man a cool stare. "We look out for each other." His tone warned Derek to leave it at that.  
  
"That's good." Derek nodded stiltedly. He hadn't meant to probe, but his need to redirect his anxiety over Jason had led him to the topic. "Max is going to need a lot of looking after."  
  
Silence greeted the remark, and for a moment Derek thought for sure he had offended the Asian boy. It was almost laughable, but he actually felt younger compared to the teenage walking beside him. Wufei carried himself with a sense of purpose, a fierce determination that made Derek wonder what could have possibly happened to age the youngster so. Come to think of it, they all had it. Max's friends. Max himself. None of them acted their age. In fact, beside them, Jason appeared very young indeed. In retrospect, Jason had had no chance at all at winning Max's heart. They were just too different from each other. Ages apart in terms of experience and maturity.  
  
"He couldn't have made Max happy." The certainty in the clear tones echoed his thoughts. Wufei went on steadily. "Max needs us, just as we need him. He belongs with us."  
  
On anyone else, the statement would have come out horribly cult-like. However, coming from Wufei, Derek could only agree. "I know that now." The admission was made softly. "Just- take care of him. He's very vulnerable right now."  
  
Wufei nodded. "We're a family. Of course I'll take care of him." And he meant it. As infuriating and incorrigible Duo was, he was family. Not that Wufei would ever tell him that to his face. He'd never hear the end of it. But Derek needed to hear it to let go.  
  
"Max is lucky to have friends like you." Derek remarked after a while. He just wished Jason could find similar friends. "You're lucky to have each other."  
  
"I know."  
  
-o0o-  
  
Duo sensed it before he heard it. A presence. Someone, or something watching him. Slowly, carefully, he straightened. If it was a wild animal he didn't want to startle it into attacking. And if it was another person? He knew it wasn't Heero. Heero didn't play games. Fuck, he swore inwardly. He was turning senile as well as blind. How could he forget to carry a weapon? Any sort of weapon? He bit his lip. "Jason?" He called out cautiously.  
  
A snicker.  
  
Definitely not a friend. Duo felt behind him for a means to defend himself. He could shout for Heero, but what if his watcher wasn't alone? And besides, something in him rebelled against being so helpless. Shinigami may be brought low for a time, but he was not down for the count. Not as long as he had breath enough to speak. He blinked, and all his doubts melted away as Pilot 02 slipped into gear.  
  
"You think this is funny?" He snorted in derision. "Man, you have got to get a life."  
  
The hostility in the air shot up and Duo grinned ferally. He was going to regret this later, but gods, it felt good to be back in control.  
  
"Big words for someone who's blind as a bat."  
  
Maddock. Great. Duo had a score to settle with the bastard. His grin widened.  
  
"Oh, I don't know." He said silkily, getting to his feet, his whole body wired and ready. "This bat could likely beat the hell out of a rat like you."  
  
"You think so?" Duo followed the voice. Sounds of other movement surrounding him warned him that Maddock wasn't alone. Then again, bullies rarely acted alone. They either needed an audience to perform for or a buffer to hide behind. Fuck, Heero was going to kill him for this. That was, if Maddock doesn't beat him to it. Recalling the beefy biker and his meaty fists, and discreetly feeling the stiffness in his shoulder, Duo just knew he was in for a fun bout. But damned if Shinigami gave a hoot about uneven odds and the possibility of pain. Pain was good. Pain told you you were still alive.  
  
Yeah, he could deal with pain. Just as long as he gave it in equal measure.  
  
At least, that was the battle plan. Until he heard a furious struggle followed by an outraged cry.  
  
"Leave him alone!"  
  
Jason. Duo understood then why they hadn't been able to find the other boy.  
  
"Guess who we ran into along the way?" Maddock taunted. "Poor little rich boy on his lonesome. Thought we'd offer him a ride up Bill's Folly." Hoots of laughter followed the statement. "Real nice of us, don't you think?"  
  
"You okay man?" Duo asked.  
  
"I'm fine." Jason said, his tone choked with fear. "I'm sorry, Max."  
  
Duo waved the apology away. "So, Mad Ox," He drew out the moniker deliberately. "how are we gonna play this?" He spread out his arms in a careless gesture. "You and me, one on one?" His tone grew sly. "Or are you afraid of one little blind bat?"  
  
"Don't do it, Max!" Jason cried out, terrified.  
  
"It's okay, Jason." Duo assured him mildly. "I can sooo take him on." And if he couldn't, ran the thought at the back of his mind, he would have bought them enough time for Heero to come back and do what he did best. Annihilation.  
  
But Maddock had had a taste of Duo's brand of hand-to-hand combat. No way was he going to get within hitting distance of Duo. "Yeah?" He growled. "Well let's see if you can take this on."  
  
Duo heard Jason scream. Heard the angry hiss of displaced air. But still he was a second too slow.  
  
A line of fire streaked across his chest and he swore as he stumbled backwards. A roar of approval rose from the spectators. Another anguished cry warned Duo and he rolled. This time the lash scored a fiery track down his leg. He gasped, winded. Fuck, it hurt! And he had managed to re-open his shoulder wound too.  
  
"Stop it!" He could hear Jason screaming in the background.  
  
"Jason," He bit out, climbing to his feet. "Save your breath." Jason's fear was only succeeding at feeding their thirst for violence. "Maddy my boy," He went on with a twist of his lips, "who would have thought a big guy like you went in for leather and whips?" He drew a shaky breath, not losing his sneer. "I suppose you like handcuffs too, huh?" Duo had given up on the idea of a fair fight. Maddox was too clever by half, and without his eyes he was a sitting duck. Now he was just holding out for time.  
  
Where are you, Heero? He braced himself.  
  
Once more, the whip descended. And once more, he heard a cry. But this time, the cry was a roar of outrage.  
  
Enter the Perfect Soldier.  
  
"Kisama!"  
  
And the Dragon.  
  
"Max!" Hands caught him as he swayed. He hissed sharply as Jason clutched at him, babbling and aggravating the pain of his wounds.  
  
"Jason, shut up!" Derek's voice now, and a gentler touch that guided him to an area he assumed was relatively isolated from the fight he could hear going on. "Max, how badly hurt are you? Wufei! We've got to take Max to the hospital!"  
  
Duo grabbed his arm. "Derek!" He gasped out through gritted teeth. He could afford to show pain, now. "No hospitals, remember? You promised. No hospitals."  
  
"But Max-"  
  
"No!" Duo projected his voice. "Heero, Fei – I'm fine! Don't kill anyone, okay?!"  
  
Heero heard him through the red haze in his mind, and his fingers stilled around the whip encircling Maddox's windpipe. The biker was turning blue, his eyes bulging out in fear and lack of oxygen. Returning to find his lover surrounded and on the receiving end of a whip had triggered a killing rage in Heero. All he could think of was that he had failed to protect Duo. Again. Duo had gotten hurt. Again. And for that he would have gladly killed Maddock with his bare hands and to hell with the consequences.  
  
But Duo's voice cut through his fury, and over Maddock's shoulder his eyes met those of Wufei's as the Chinese pilot made short work of the ignorant few who had thought to defend Maddock. The rest had scattered the moment Heero had wrested the whip from Maddock's hand and proceeded to wrap it around the bastard's throat. Duo's warning was clear. Any killing here would lead to their exposure to Oz.  
  
Reluctantly, very reluctantly, Heero loosened his hold. Maddox fell on all fours, chest heaving, gasping for air. Heero stared down at him, his eyes still blazing with blue fire.  
  
"Run." He told the cowering man in a tone that promised death. "You have until morning to leave town. And if I or any of my friends ever set eyes on you again, I promise you will not survive the encounter."  
  
He didn't wait to see Maddock half-run, half-stagger away, instead zeroing in on his injured partner. Without a word to the others, he very carefully took Duo into his arms.  
  
Duo let out a small sigh as he leaned heavily against Heero. A smile played on his lips and he shifted in Heero's hold. He blinked as a tide of weakness passed through him. "Tired." He whispered softly.  
  
"Then rest. Baka." Was all Heero said.  
  
Duo laughed softly. He knew Heero was going to tear a strip off his hide later for tonight's antics. He also knew he was going to hurt like hell in an hour or so. But he didn't care. Right here, right now, he was happy. Laying his head against Heero's shoulder, he closed his eyes.  
  
-o0o-  
  
Epilogue  
  
"Mission accomplished." Heero stated mechanically as he watched an Oz military installation go up in flames. There was no real interest in his gaze. Only the professionalism that demanded he make sure the mission had been completed held him here. It was an exercise in discipline, since he would have given almost anything to be someplace else. With Duo, to be exact.  
  
Since returning with them two months ago, Heero and Duo had only been given a few days together before Heero had had to leave for missions. Heero had hated to leave his partner and lover behind, but the mission had to come first. They both understood that. It was small comfort for Heero that Duo was likely in the safest place in the galaxy – surrounded by Quatre's Maguanacs Corp, attended to by the best doctors Quatre's money could buy, and no doubt endlessly henpecked by Shin. Heero was just glad Derek and Jason were an ocean away, otherwise he was certain all the unstinting devotion was sure to spoil Duo rotten.  
  
Call him possessive, but any spoiling to be done was to be done by no other than Heero Yuy.  
  
As if on cue, his comm.-link blinked and his heart, which had stayed calm all throughout the mission, skipped a beat.  
  
"Report." His voice was inexplicably hoarse. Three days ago, Duo had undergone laser surgery to repair the injury to his eyes. He was scheduled to have his bandages removed exactly thirty minutes ago.  
  
Heero was prepared for any scenario. The doctors had been highly optimistic of Duo's chances of recovery, but the soldier in Heero knew to prepare for the worst in any mission. He had promised Duo, before leaving for the mission, that it wouldn't matter whatever the outcome of the operation. But he knew how much it meant to Duo, and it was for his lover that his heart beat faster.  
  
"Sun sets in ten minutes, 01. Wanna watch it with me?" Happiness bubbled in the dulcet tones.  
  
Heero swallowed the lump in his throat.  
  
"Affirmative."  
  
-the end 


End file.
